ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
779: Crowning the Scalchop King!	785: Saraba Mijumaru!? Hotachi Kingu e no Michi!	Oshawott: King of the Sexual Pests			The twerps take part in a contest to win a female	Cheats, yes, but at least they read up on the contest!	Read the rules before you take part in a contest!

Today finds the twerps eating a meal on their cruise ship, where their keen powers of deduction have finally established that the large number of Oshawott and Dewott wandering about the ship is rather peculiar. Porter pops by to check how they're doing and they ask where their next stop is. It's Scalchop Island, an island that looks like a Scalchop and was allegedly formed by an accumulation of seashells, or so the legend goes. So is that why there are so many Oshawott and Dewott on this ship? Indeed, their trainers are taking them to the island for the Scalchop King Competition and competition competition competition competition competition competition competition competition competition competition is all Ash is hearing from this point on. There's a competition, and that means he can compete for something, and all other considerations are secondary. Oshawott pops out of his Pokéball and Ash asks if he wants to take part, and Oshawott, hearing only,"Do you want to be the centre of attention?" eagerly agrees and the two dim but kind-hearted idiots bravely pose in delight, they're going to win this Competition they didn't know existed, or else their lives have no meaning!



Arriving at Scalchop Island, the twerps soon discover it is a tourist trap, with merchandise stands set up everywhere selling Scalchop themed crap. Chocolate Scalchops, Scalchop cookies, Scalchop clothes and other Scalchop themed food items are everywhere. The twerps take it all in but keep moving because they have no money and they're used to freeloading everything they get. A familiar voice gets their attention, Freddy the Scoop is collecting a paycheck and killing time between big tournaments as the MC of the Scalchop King Competition. He shows off the prize that is being played for, a pretty girl carrying in a big golden Scalchop that everybody oohs over. As the twerps ponder whether it is solid gold, Team Rocket watch in tourist-disguises from the back of the crowd. They had tailed the twerps here to have a grab at Pikachu, but now they've seen the golden Scalchop they've decided it would be a hell of a bonus. Meowth - who appears to be dressed as Hunter S. Thompson - points out the one flaw in their plan though, they don't have an Oshawott! Jesse and James beg to differ though - they have an Oshawott all right, and Meowth starts to feel the fear as they chuckle menacingly down at him.

Meanwhile, Freddy calls in the reigning Scalchop QUEEN, Osharina! She waddles in, wearing an adorable little crown and ermine robe and blows a kiss at the assembled crowd, and of course Oshawott IMMEDIATELY falls in love with her, much to Ash's confusion. Leaping off of Ash's shoulder, Oshawott skids around the crowd, getting hold of a bouquet of flowers somehow in the process, and skids back to the front of the stage and offers them up to Osharina. She waves him off dismissively and heads away, and Oshawott eagerly jumps towards the stage only to be knocked down harshly by a snooty Dewott. The twerps rush up to check on Oshawott and Ash demands to know what Oshawott did to deserve that, and there is some precedent since nobody is supposed to approach the Queen till the contest is over. Ash asks if the rather snooty young boy who told him that is Osharina's trainer, but he isn't, he is the Dewott's trainer. The Dewott is named Caesar, and his trainer - Cadbury - has raised him from a young age to one day become the Scalchop King. Iris is unimpressed by Cadbury's boasting, of course, while Axew just smiles happily and Ash gets pissed off at the notion that his Oshawott isn't the best. He angrily snaps that his Oshawott is going to win, and Cadbury is bemused at the idea, having no idea that Ash has a long history of just showing up the day of a contest and defeating somebody who has devoted their entire lives to nothing BUT that contest. To be fair though, at this point Ash has literally zero idea what the Scalchop King Competition actually entails beyond the fact that it exists!

A giant Scalchop gong (of course) is sounded and the Competition begins, with the judges announced - they're Don George (yay!) and Nurse Joy (yawn), with Osharina watching from an incredibly cute little throne. The first contest begins, and it involves the contestants showing off their Scalchops which are judged on their quality. The first Oshawott is a dignified little otter who shows off his Scalchop to oooohs from the crowd, followed by a Dewott who shows off both of his. As the judges talk up the beauty, quality and colour of the Scalchops, Iris sighs that she can't tell the difference between them, and Cilan diplomatically suggests that maybe a Scalchop Connoisseur could, effectively admitting that he can't tell any difference either.

Ash's Oshawott is up next, and he bravely and proudly steps up and shows off his Scalchop, to gasps of astonishment from the audience. Don George and Joy are impressed, while Cilan and Iris are completely confused, while Oshawott completely loses his dignified demeanour and basks happily in the praise. Unfortunately, next up is Caesar, whose double Scalchops send the crowd into a tizzy, and Cadbury smirks at Ash who angrily insists the Competition isn't over yet.

Indeed it isn't, as next up is the Dewott belonging to Jess-Dee and Jason (I think those were their fake names, it literally doesn't matter though!) - Meowott! Up comes a thoroughly disgruntled Meowth, dressed as Dewott and carrying a shopping bag with the Scalchops that James has prepared for him. He fishes them out and holds them to total silence from the crowd and moans that James made them too big (oh!)... but then the crowd erupts in cheers and Don George declares he has never seen Scalchops of such epic proportions. Meowth realizes he has won, asks if they really like "these things" and then declares excitedly that bigger IS better and plays up to the crowd.

So the Scalchops are.... tits?

Next is the Scalchop fling, in which contestants throw their Scalchops at the target. Oshawott is up first (presume I'm talking about Ash's Oshawott if I don't otherwise specify) and his throw almost misses the target, just barely hitting the blue outer circle. The twerps are just relieved he hit the target, and Oshawott returns to Ash's side as Caesar steps up and hits two great shots with his Scalchops. Cadbury taunts Ash again who once again repeats that this Competition isn't over. Up next is Meowth, who flings his large Scalchop and watches in horror as it zooms off target.... only to somehow twist back around and hit a complete bullseye. Meowth is delighted, while in a sudden piece to camera, James cheerfully explains how he loaded the Scalchop with a homing device - apparently James at least did some research into this contest, unlike Ash!

The surviving contestants (apparently this is elimination) move on to the Brick Break contest, freaking out Ash as Oshawott doesn't know this move. Freddy clarifies, the contest isn't about the move, but literally breaking bricks (tiles!). Only the top three of the remaining six will make it through, and surely that won't be Ash, Cadbury and Jesse&James, no way!

Caesar is up first, and smashes his way through 11 titles easily enough. Next is Meowth, who stares in panic at the huge pile of tiles, but once again Jesse and James have his back. In another piece of camera, James explains he made the Scalchops of special reinforced plastic. Excited, Meowth leaps high to strike and actually loses his grip on one Scalchop, frantically grabbing it before smashing face-first into the tiles.... and shattering through all 20! As he lies moaning in pain, he thanks his lucky stars the charm on his forehead saved the day for him.



Last up is Oshawott, who has to break 10 tiles to advance. Cilan admits this still isn't easy, and they watch as Oshawott steps up and leaps into the air, smashing through the tiles and landing great pride, utterly assured of his success. Freddy counts the tiles as the crowd waits with baited breath, and then announces.... 11 tiles! Oshawott made it through to the final 3 and matched Caesar's achievement to boot!

Next is the Scalchop Performance Contest, in which the contestants do some kind of performance with their Scalchop. Only the top two will make it through to the next round, and first up is Caesar. Using Aqua-Jet, Caesar flies through the air and forms a rainbow before hitting a perfect landing, impressing the crowd. Ash is up next and decides to do Caesar one better by repeating the same performance but having Oshawott circle around the rainbow afterwards. It goes swimmingly, until Ash calls for Oshawott to turn back around and the little lovesick otter catches sight of Osharina. Wriggling with love, he loses control of his Aqua-Jet and smashes head first into Ash, which is either going to cost them big or get them big points for comedy.

Don George and Joy aren't impressed, neither is Osharina, and it looks like the round is Meowths to loose. Unfortunately for Ash, if there is one thing that Team Rocket is great at, it is performances. They rush out with a trampoline and Meowth leaps onto it, bouncing into the air and flailing his wildly in "Sword Stance". Frankly it looks ridiculous, but the crowd eats it up, and Meowth does look cute crazily flailing his arms about. He lands with panache, but unfortunately his efforts have dislodged his costume and faded the paint, and when his "nose" falls off and his pants fall down (scandalous!) the crowd are horrified - that Meowth-shaped Dewott isn't a Dewott at all, it's a Meowth!

Realising the gig is up, Jesse and James resign themselves to using brute force instead to get the Golden Scalchop. When Freddy the Scoop demands to know who they are (why would he think they have different names now?), that gives the perfect opportunity to hit the motto, when they'd be better served just grabbing the Golden Scalchop and making a run for it!

"Prepare for trouble, in costume or not!"
"And make it double, from a fake Dewott!"
"To protect the world from devastation!"
"To unite the people within our nation!"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"
"It's Jesse!"
"And it's James!"
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light!"
"Surrender now, or prepare to fight, fight, and fight!"
"Meowth, dat's right!"

The twerps are pissed to see them, and Team Rocket belatedly make their move for the Golden Scalchop. Since nobody else is doing ANYTHING, Ash tells Pikachu to use Thunderbolt, but Meowth blocks it with his Scalchops, and James once again addresses direct to camera to explain he designed it to protect them from such attacks. Unfortunately for them, while the Scalchops do their job, shortly after they short out and explode, and Team Rocket are sent blasting off again. James admits that maybe he underestimated the power of Pikachu's Thunderbolt, which causes Meowth to ask a very pertinent question, what rock has he been sleeping under!?! The whole point of their obsession is that they OVERESTIMATE the power of Pikachu's thunderbolt!

With only two contestants left, it's only fair that both go through to the next round since I guess all the defeated contestants were taken out back and shot for their failures or something. So next is a Pokémon battle between Dewott and Oshawott, which is kind of a huge load of bullshit since technically speaking a Dewott contestant is always going to have a major advantage over an Oshawott one.

They fight on a water field, and Cadbury very rudely tells Ash that he never though his pathetic Oshawott would make it this far. Ash is furious, especially when Cadbury says again that his Caesar will be the one to win Osharina's heart, and he claims that Oshawott will. Ash doesn't actually know what this "win her heart" stuff is all about, but it sounds like a contest and his Pokémon win their contests, damn it!

The battle begins, Caesar using Aqua Jet and Oshawott countering with the same move. It's no surprise that Caesar's is stronger, knocking Oshawott backwards, and Cadbury laughs and makes the very salient point that an Oshawott is going to be less powerful than it's evolved form. Ash makes the surprisingly valid counter that power isn't determined by evolution alone, and both Pokémon blast each other with Hydro-Pumps, but once again Caesar gets the best of the exchange. Cadbury decides to finish things off big by using Surf, but this time Ash is able to counter the overwhelming power with precision by having Oshawott use Aqua-Jet to score a shot on Dewott and send them both landing back on their starting floating pads. Cadbury, completely confident in his eventual victory, suggests that since this is the Scalchop King Contest, they should determine victory by using ONLY Scalchops. Ash would be an idiot to accept this challenge based purely on the fact that Caesar has TWO Scalchops, but then, well... Ash is an idiot! When Cadbury says he can chicken out and forfeit, Ash angrily accepts the challenge and Oshawott just has to go along with it.

Both use Razor Shell, leaping into the air and clashing their elongated objects together (are these things tits or dicks?), coming off even. They leap back to try again and this time Caesar gets the best of things, knocking Oshawott back onto his face. Cadbury orders a double Razor Shell that scores a direct hit and knocks Oshawott back down, at which point Cadbury basically breaks his own self-imposed restriction by ordering an Aqua-Jet Razor Shell combo. Technically it still involves the Scalchop, but it's using another non-Scalchop related move as well!

Ash doesn't challenge the move, he just follows up on it. Asking Oshawott if he is ready, he tells him to do the same, and Oshawott leaps into an Aqua-Jet, Razor Shell jutting directly from the top instead of the sides, and cranks up the power to full. He smashes head first into Caesar and both are sent flying back to their starting pads again, struggling to raise to their feet. Cadbury is certain that Oshawott won't make it back up and tells Caesar he just needs to stand to win, and Caesar does.... and promptly faints on his feet and collapses to the pad, leaving a shocked Cadbury to gape. Oshawott barely manages to stagger up as he is announced the winner, but once he realises what has happened he leaps happily into Ash's arm, now the Scalchop King! Adorably, in the crowd all the little Oshawotts are delighted, while we get one brief sighting of a Dewott going :O, unable to believe what it has just seen - Caesar let the side down!

The Scalchop gong is rung, Cadbury and Caesar nowhere to be seen (maybe they were taken out the back and shot as well) as Oshawott is presented with the Golden Scalchop. Don George hands it over and Freddy the Scoop congratulates the new King, who will now rule by Osharina's side as the symbol of Scalchop Island till the next Scalchop King Competition! Ash is horrified, when is that? Freddy tells him that it's a year from now, and Cilan finally finishes reading the competition rulebook and learns that this is just an established fucking fact of the fucking competition they willingly joined up to without bothering to learn absolutely anything about!

Ash explains the situation to Oshawott, if he stays then Ash will have to continue on without him, because he is going to continue traveling. He wants to do that with Oshawott, but it is his choice, will he stay or go? All Oshawott really understands is that Ash is paying attention to him, which he likes, but then he sees Oshawott and all his little otter mind can deal with is his lust for her. Ash sadly realises that the time has come to say goodbye, and a sad little montage of his time with Oshawott plays as he prepares to do the mature thing and say goodbye to Oshawott an-



Osharina loves Caesar!

Charging away down the stage, she leaps through the air into Caesar's waiting arms, as it seems he and Cadbury weren't brutally executed after all. Caesar is surprised but pleased, it seems the two really WERE meant to be together, and Osharina doesn't give a shit about who won some competition, she cares about who she has the hots for! Just like evolution doesn't automatically equal "better than", so winning a competition doesn't mean a girl can be a prize (well, not for several centuries at least now!). Oshawott's heart breaks as he watches them hug close together, and his Scalchop follows suit by splitting right down the middle. According to more of these rules that the twerps didn't bother to learn, a broken Scalchop disqualifies you from being Scalchop King, and so Oshawott is now free to continue his travels with Ash.

They get back onto the cruise ship and head away, Oshawott sitting dejected on deck while the twerps look over the railing and Ash enjoys that he gets to keep Oshawott (thank God) AND that he won a competition! They turn to Oshawott and tell him to cheer up, his heart will soon mend and so will his Scalchop (currently bandaged up). Oshawott doesn't seem his usual cheerful self though, maybe this one meant something more? Maybe Oshawott has matured? Maybe...

OSHAWOTT LOVES CINCCINO!

Spotting a pretty passing Pokémon, Oshawott falls freshly in lust again and rushes around after her on the deck as she squeaks in panic and tries to escape. The twerps laugh with relief to see the old, sexually aggressive Oshawott back, and beam down on him as he zooms after the terrified Cinccino, ignoring her protests that she isn't interested.

I'm so glad we haven't lost this insane little pervert :)

BEST QUOTES

"Dey like dese tings? Bigger is better after all!"

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