ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
751: Beauties Battling for Pride and Prestige!	757: Sekaiichi Karei na Pokémon!? Chirachino tai Tsutaja!	Two Crossdressers and a Cunt			A furious Iris gets meaningless revenge on a bitchy theatre troupe	Presumably back in Kanto?	If somebody insults you, dress in drag and be a horrible person for revenge!

Today finds.... a new season and the twerps finally getting kicked out... I mean cheerfully encouraged to move the fuck out of Cynthia's house! The Unova League's location has finally been settled on (the bidding process must have been a nightmare of litigation) and the twerps know where they are headed now - Vertress City. The quickest route there is through Opelucid City, so of course you KNOW that they're not going to go that way!

Iris begins sweating at the mention of Opelucid City and nervously suggests that they go out of their way to visit the Village of the Dragons instead. Ash has no trouble with the delay, he's well ahead of the curve having got his 8 badges early in a decidedly non-Johto meandering way, and there is plenty of time to get to the League. So with a cheerful farewell to Cynthia and Jervis they finally haul their asses out of her home and head on their way, Cynthia wishing Ash plenty of luck before belatedly remembering that Iris and Cilan exist too and offering them her best wishes (get it! GET IT!?!) too. And with that they're off, ready to begin their.... ADVENTURES IN UNOVA!



With the new opening credits/song behind us, we find the twerps heading on up the road once again, back to their meandering bumming about the countryside. Ash - for some reason - decides the middle of the road is a good place to stop and take a break, and they call out their Pokémon to join them for a roadside meal. As they enjoy their food, Oshawott sits side by side with Pignite and happily gobbles up his meal, before realizing there is none left and that Pignite still has plenty. Grinning evilly, Oshawott grabs Pignite's bowl and chugs down all the food inside, tossing the bowl away with satisfaction, going so far as to burp in Pignite's face when the chubby pig realises what has just gone down.

Furious, Pignite blasts Oshawott in the face with Flamethrower, causing a massive argument between the two (Oshawott is totally in the wrong!). Ash tells them to chill out and Pikachu tries to intervene, but an angry Oshawott won't be calmed down and there isn't a Meloetta about to relax everybody's frayed tempers anymore. Blasts of water accidentally knock Emolga's bowl of food over and THEN hit Emolga as she takes to the air, sending it flying over the treetops in front of Iris' horrified eyes. The twerps leap up in horror, though Ash manages to keep a mouthful of sandwich as he asks what just happened, holding another sandwich in his hand just to make sure he has plenty of eat.

I wonder where Oshawott gets it from!?!

Emolga is lying dazed against a rocky cliff when the twerps find her, Iris rushing to pick her up as Ash snaps at a chastened Oshawott and Pignite to apologise. But as Iris tends to Emolga, a very unapologetic voice speaks up to ask if that "unattractive" Emolga belongs to Iris. Unattractive? Iris looks up angrily to find three VERY overdressed kids staring disdainfully down at them from the top of the rocks. Iris demands to know who they think they are and learns they are Moira, Mona and Cher, and their Pokémon are (in respective levels of attractiveness!) Cinccino, Lilligant and Roserade.

All three are girls, it seems that Cher (the one in the blue soldier's outfit) just fucking loves androgyny! They were out for a walk so Cinccino could get some fresh air and become even MORE attractive when Iris' hideous Emolga attacked it - how dare she! Mona eggs Moira on while Iris just gets even more aggravated, and Moira continues to insult the twerps' Pokémon, telling Ash that his Snivy is ugly on the outside AND the inside (god DAMN!) and that ALL of their Pokémon are unattractive. In fact, they're leaving right now before the ugly rubs off on them! Off they go, a furious Iris chasing them but completely ignored as they pile into a surprisingly ugly white bus with roses painted on it and drive off down the road.

Ash is a little confused as to why Iris is so angry, and Cilan thinks that's that, but Iris isn't done yet. They head on down the road and encounter a fat woman selling fruit, and ask if she knows anything about the bitchy trio in the white tour bus. She does, they're the Flower Garden Troupe, the most famous theatre troupe in the whole region. They put on the best show there is, operating with an all-female cast (including Pokémon). Their headquarters are nearby and Cilan asks for directions, but she reveals that it's just down the street and the second on the right... except men aren't allowed in. It's THAT kind of place (the sexy kind?), but that doesn't stop the twerps from heading down there anyway. They spot the bus and Iris wants to head on in, but Ash and Cilan remind her that they can't go in what with their sweaty ballsacks and all. But Iris has a plan for that!



Ahhhh yes, some old-school crossdressing action, excellent!

Iris is dressed up too, and Emolga and Axew think she looks very pretty indeed. Snivy, Pikachu, Pansage are less than impressed with Ash and Cilan's look and aren't even really sure exactly WHY Iris is so angry in the first place. She reminds them what Moira said about their Pokémon, putting a ribbon into Pansage's "hair" while the boys are left still confused - who cares what some person they never met before said about them?

She leads them on to the Troupe's HQ, Ash and Cilan getting into character as they pass the entrance gate. The woman inside asks what they are doing and Iris says they're here to see their good friend Moira. Since it's highly unlikely that a fan would try to get inside by namedropping the most well-known theatrical star of the region, the security lady is happy to let them inside without any identification. Iris says "Merci" and Ash adds in a "thanks a lot!" without even bothering to disguise his voice!

Inside, Mona steps out into a corridor and spots the imposters coming, asking who the three strangers are. Iris explains they're fellow performers from "the city" and heard wonderful things about Moira's troupe, and came to see if they could pick up any pointers. Mona thinks this is a little odd, and when Moira and Cher pop their heads through the door, she whispers something unheard into Moira's ear that makes the troupe leader suddenly all too accommodating. She tells Iris it would be an honour to have them watch their rehearsals. She also compliments Iris and the other two "girls" on their extravagant costumes, saying it shows good sense to show off their beauty and elegance to everybody. Ash has no idea what the fuck she is talking about and is making absolutely no semblance of playing along outside of wearing the dress and wig, and Cilan has to roughly whisper at him to just play along with whatever the hell weird ass shit the girls are into.



Moira asks for introductions and learns that they are Iris, Ashley and Cilanor (CILANOR!?!), and asks for confirmation that their Pokémon are all female. Iris assures them they are, and Pikachu eagerly shows of his tail which has had a yellow heart taped onto to the end to make him look like a female. Moira suggests that it would be more feminine to attach "ette" to the end of the Pokémon’s names, and Ash loudly whispers to Iris that he doesn't understand what the hell Moira's problem is.

They're taken into a dance-room with mirrors on each wall, and Moira explains that they need to get used to the idea of being watched at all times, so that they always have their best face on. They peer at themselves in the mirror and gasp over the beauty of their respective Pokémon. Iris sneers angrily as the trio declare themselves elegance perfected, while Ash and Cilan stare unhappily into the mirror. Ash moans that he'll never be able to look at himself in a mirror again, and Cilan reminds him that he never actually does anyway!

The next room has an automated balance beam that raises out of the floor for them to practise elegant and graceful walking. Snivy and Emolga eagerly leap up onto the balance beam and strut their stuff, but Moira isn't done yet. She hits another button and the floor parts to reveal the balance beam is over a pit of mud. A rose is tossed into the mud where it sinks, and the troupe explains that there can be no room for error in their performances - they have to walk like the slightest misstep would ruin the entire show.

There's even more to it, Moira suggests a test by having their Pokémon have a "walk-off" against Iris and her female friends'. Each Pokémon will start on the opposite side of the beam and walk towards each other - one WILL fall into the mud while the other will make it elegantly to the other side. Iris is eager to face up to the challenge, and a grinning Moira suggests that her attitude might not hold up too much longer.

They begin with Roserade against Pansagette. Cilanor offers Pansagette high pitched encouragement and the two Pokémon begin their walk, meeting in the middle. They shove against each other trying to get past the other, till Pansagette takes a man's approach to the whole deal and just charges straight ahead. Roserade takes a more sensible feminine approach and just casually steps aside, causing Pansagette to pitch forward out of control, pinwheel "her" arms wildly and fall into the mud. Mona giggles behind her fan and Cher laughs that this is an unattractive as it gets, and Roserade is declared the winner.

Next is Lilligant vs Emolga. They shove against each other and the larger Lilligant gets the better of the exchange, Emolga falling off the side. It looks pretty bad until Emolga uses her "wings" to glide gracefully around the beam and dodge Lilligant's attempted swipes, kicking off against Lilligant's head and forcing her into the mud. Emolga lands on the beam and gracefully struts to the end, Iris letting rip with exaggerated laughter at Lilligant's defeat and ferociously elbowing Ash to remind him to join in on the psychological warfare against the troupe.

Finally it is Cinccino vs. Snivy. They begin the shoving match as Ashley shouts encouragement and Moira offers negative reinforcement, warning Cinccino that she better not lose. Snivy rather contemptuously leapfrogs over Cinccino and begins heading to the other end of the beam, ignoring her opponent. Cinccino rushes after her angrily and tries to tackle her, and Snivy does an admirable judo throw and sends Cinccino crashing into the mud! Snivy struts her stuff down to the end of the balance beam as Ashley and Pikachuette celebrate - catching Moira's attention.

Cinccino is upset but then shakes herself off and is suddenly sparkling clean again. How? Because of the coating of oil her body naturally produces, so for some reason this seems to create the unspoken impression that the walk-off was a draw when it really, really, really, really wasn't. Moira cackles with delight while Iris fumes angrily, still wanting to take Moira down a peg or two.

The next room (and performance rule #3) is a battlefield surrounded by a moat of mud. There rule is that the loser Pokémon is dumped in the mud AND that Pokémon’s trainer too - this way the trainer and Pokémon learn that any mistakes they make will be visited on the other, and they'll work harder to prevent that from happening. Iris agrees with this idea, and she and Emolga prepare to face off against Cher and Roserade.

Roserade opens with Poison Sting but Emolga dodges and use Discharge, which is barely dodged by Roserade. She tries Bullet Seed next and Emolga's attempt to dodge sees her teetering on the edge of the moat. She just barely manages to haul herself back, then blasts hidden power to explode in front of Roserade's face, causing her to stumble back. Emolga uses Discharge and blasts Roserade, and Cher cries out to her that she can't lose, encouraging her to fight back. Emolga is blasted and falls out of the air towards the mud, but Iris is unconcerned, trusting in Emolga to correct. She does, catching the air and gliding back to safety which infuriates Moira, who claims this isn't fair. Iris laughs that it is exactly as fair as the coating of oil on Cinccino's body, and the battle continues.

Roserade tries Poison Sting again but Emolga is easily able to dodge, flying over Roserade's head and using Discharge Again before a blast of Hidden Power sends Roserade crashing into Cher and knocks them both into the mud. Iris screeches with laughter (Cilanor and Ashley seem less than impressed) at the miserable Cher, proving that she is NOT a good winner. The entire point of this operation was to take the troupe down a peg or two, and she seems to be succeeding except.... they have no idea she is the same person they casually insulted back in the forest. What is the endgame here for Iris? Is she going to have Ash and Cilan whip out their junk at the end of the episode and say,"By the way we're those three people you met for all of 30 seconds earlier today!"?

Series-ending controversies aside, we move on to the next battle of Pansagette vs Lilligant. Pansage is hating the ribbon on "her" head but kicks things up a notch when Cilanor reminds "her" that they'll both end up in mud otherwise. Pansage opens with Bullet Seed, dodged by Lilligant who uses Leech Seed to blast right at Pansage, who digs to escape and... digs right into the mud that is also running underneath the battlefield! Cilanor is horrified, that's not fair (it's not! That's taking advantage of prior knowledge to bullshit a victory!) but it's a moot point, as an Energy Ball from Lilligant blasts Pansage into Cilanor and knocks them both in the mud - it's 1-1!

The troupe cackle with laughter, proving that nobody involved in this whole episode is a particularly good person. Moira asks who will face off with her Cinccino and Ashley and Snivy prepare to step up to the plate, but Iris insists that SHE take on the Queen Bitch, determined to be the one to put in the final kick.

Cinccino opens with a Tail Slap on... SNIVY!?! Yes, it seems that while Iris is the one controlling the battle, she is using Snivy and not Emolga. Snivy recovers from the Tail Slap and uses Vine Whip to slap Cinccino around the face, then dodges Rock Blast and comes back with Leaf Storm.... but despite the move surrounding a scared Cinccino, none of the leaves actually make any impact. Cilanor and Ashley notice, saying that Iris and Snivy need to work on their aim (this makes ZERO sense). Cinccino tries a Hyperbeam but Snivy dodges, using Leaf Storm again, once more to zero effect. Cinccino tries Giga Impact but Snivy is able to dodge, trying Leaf Storm again which bounces uselessly off of Giga Impact. Cinccino tries another Tail Slap which is intercepted by Vine Whip, and then Snivy hits a Leaf Blade that sends Cinccino crashing into Moira and knocking them both into the mud! Moira is horrified while Cinccino prepares to shake off the mud... but nothing happens!

How is this possible? An insufferably smug Iris reveals that Moira wasn't paying close enough attention to the battle. All those Leaf Storms that Snivy were using weren't useless after all, they were actually "bathing" Cinccino and rubbing the oil off of her fur with each attack. Moira can't believe this, while Ashley and Cilanor are shocked to realise that Iris actually worked so incredibly effectively with Snivy and had THEM fooled as well. Iris, continuing to be a TERRIBLE winner, mocks and taunts a furious Moira, telling her that taking a mud bath suits her.

Suddenly another woman appears on the scene, an older woman who is clearly in charge as she enters slowly clapping. She is Ms. Chandler, who appears to be the troupe's director/Chief Executive, and she is very impressed with the way Iris dealt with her star. She kindly offers Iris, Ashley and Cilanor a spot in their all-female performances, which Ashley and Cilanor quickly beg off, not wanting to continue this atrocious charade any further. They rush out the door, chased by a desperate Ms. Chandler, Iris shouting back over her shoulder that they're already beautiful enough, thank you, and disappear off into the distance.



Awww, look at Ash daintily holding his dress up! :3

In town, Ash and Cilan have changed back into boys and seem very relieved for it. Ash asks Iris if she is satisfied, and she absolutely is despite the fact that the troupe will never have any idea whatsoever that they were upstaged by the strangers they clearly already completely forgot existed after meeting them earlier that day for 30 seconds. It's been a bizarre episode with an even more bizarre moral (if somebody insults you, dress in drag and be a horrible person for revenge?), but it's over now and it's time for them to move on. Ash teases Cilan over how well he pulled off being Cilanor, and they head off once again for more.... ADVENTURES IN UNOVA!

BEST QUOTES

"I'll never be able to look at myself in the mirror again." "Hush! You never do!" "No thanks, we're beautiful enough!"

Previous Episode Next Episode Episode List