ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
719: Baffling the Bouffalant!	725: Afuro de Go! Baffuron wa No!	Afro Stupid			The twerps and their Pokémon are split up by stupid cattle things	I guess they're somewhere. Doing... something?	Bouffalant are really fucking stupid

Today finds the twerps delighted to spot a gigantic mountain in the far distance is between them and Mistralton City. Figuring that a further delay on top of that is necessary, they settle down to eat a meal. Pikachu and Oshawott happily and greedily gobble their food, Oshawott upending the bowl's entire contents into its mouth before eying up Tepig's and grabbing a pellet to add to its fat belly. Tepig is not best pleased by this, and headbutts Oshawott aside. The grumpy little otter smacks Tepig over as well and then settles down in front of his bowl to eat some more food, but is knocked aside again. The two get in each other’s faces (Snivy is far too dignified to be involved in any of this) until Ash forces them apart, telling them they need to get along and no matter who started it, they need to forget it.

Suddenly a rumbling noise and dust clouds in the distance get their attention. Approaching them at speed are two pissed off looking Bouffalant, thundering forwards with heads lowered to gore. The twerps instantly cheese it, leaving the Bouffalant to bang their heads into the rocks they were using as seats. Inside the forest, the trees pause for a moment, only to find another Bouffalant has crossed the treeline as well and is glaring angrily at them. It charges for them as they stand and scream, Ash shouting that they need to get out of there instead of just doing it. Another thick cloud of dust is knocked up by whatever it is that the Bouffalant runs into - but it's not the twerps, Ash and Cilan and SOME of their Pokémon have escaped to safety. They breathe a sigh of relief, till they notice that Iris is missing, she must have run the other way (or been gored to death by the Bouffalant and they made their cowardly escape), so they have to find her... or her corpse. She's not dead though - she, Axew (but not Excadrill, which is with Ash and Cilan), Oshawott, Tepig and Snivy did escape - but Iris has just realized they've lost Ash and Cilan, and she panics at being alone. Why this would be is unclear since the first time we met her she was practically living in the forest with no problems whatsoever - maybe she's hoping that acting out of character will help in....



Ash and Cilan are looking for Iris and trying to figure out what was up with the Bouffalant. The Pokédex says they act aggressively when protecting their territory, and Cilan figures they must have stumbled into Bouffalant territory without realizing it. Meanwhile Iris is looking for them up in the trees, but having no luck - and neither are the Pokémon down on the ground.

Emolga is also up in the trees, but while Ash, Cilan and the Pokémon with them on the ground are looking - Emolga seems more concerned with the apples just spotted in the branches. As she eats, Cilan notices and calls up to her that she can't just go wandering off, and she has to promise to stick with them. Emolga just stares at Cilan, then shakes her head in the negative. Cilan blanches, surprised at her complete lack of receptiveness, while Ash just continues calling out for Iris.

The girl in question has left the trees for a clearing, where Oshawott trips over Tepig as it pauses while walking. The two get in each other’s faces again before little baby Axew manages to force them apart (well he IS a dragon, even if he's a baby). Snivy sighs in exasperation, and then they'll all surprised by the appearance of.... what the Christ? The most bizarre goddamn Nurse Joy the world has ever seen.

Wearing a blue afro wig with her pink hair loops jutting out, Joy is alongside an Audino with a green afro wig. She asks what they're doing out there, and Iris replies by STARING at Joy and her bizarre hair and asking if she is a Nurse Joy. Joy says she is and explains she and Audino are from the nearby Pokémon center, and again asks what Iris is doing out here in this pubic and freely accessible forest. Iris explains how she got separated from her friends, and Joy explains that this is Bouffalant territory and they thought Iris was trespassing. Iris is shocked to discover this, and Joy says that is surprised because of all the signs posted in the area warning people.

Holy shit, in Unova they actually DO put up signs to warn people about shit!

So how come Iris didn't see any signs? Joy admits that the Bouffalant do have a habit of knocking them down, and then Iris asks the question burning in everybody's mind - what the Christ is up with Joy's haircut? Joy seems slightly irritated at first, then smiles and pulls the wig off, explaining she is wearing it to keep the Bouffalant from attacking.

That.... that is the stupidest thing I ever heard. And I've been watching Ash Ketchum for 15 years!

Iris doesn't believe it either, but Joy insists, explaining that recently three trainers found themselves in the middle of Bouffalant territory and two of them were relentlessly chased.... but the one with huge curly hair was left alone. As a result, Joy and Audino are wearing these wigs to see if they can move safely amongst the Bouffalant. It seems to have worked, and she tells Iris that she should wear a curly wig too. Iris - despite her own HORRIFIC hairstyle - doesn't seem too enamoured with the idea, but Joy insists, giving her a big curly red (HA!) wig, and a little blond one for Axew too! Tepig and Oshawott also get little wigs, and snigger at how silly the other looks. Joy then tries to put a wig onto the dignified Snivy, and you can guess how well that goes down.



But as Snivy makes an argument for dignity being more important than death, a raging Bouffalant begins charging - after all, from its stupid point of view all it can see is a Snivy using Vine Whip on a Bouffalant while other Bouffalant of various sizes stand around staring. Joy immediately lunges forward and jams the afro onto Snivy's head, and Bouffalant skids to a stop and peers suspiciously at Joy, Audino, Iris, Axew, Oshawott, Tepig and Snivy and sees nothing but a bunch of other Bouffalant. If this confuses it, it’s too stupid to think about it for too long and just turns and wanders off. Snivy haughtily adjusts her wig as Joy beams that she told her so, then explains to Iris she is in the area herself because the Bouffalant train by head butting each other, and they can get injured. She warns Iris to clear out of the area once she finds her friends (did she supply wigs for them too?) and then departs, leaving the small girl alone and abandoned in an empty part of the forest instead of calling Officer Jenny to come do a search for her missing friends and get her to safety.

Oshawott and Tepig giggle at the other's wig again, then get grumpy at each other and kick off another little fight. Oshawott dodges a flamethrower and blasts a Water Gun at Tepig, which dodges, and the water hits Axew instead and sends him flying off through the air. His wig falls off and he lands inside Bouffalant's hairy mane, startling the stupid Pokémon which stampedes away. Iris is horrified, not only is Axew being carried away, but he is inside the hair on top of the head of a Pokémon that gets practise by smashing its head into hard things! She runs after in a panic, but the Bouffalant is far ahead.

It arrives amongst the rest of the Bouffalant herd which are sleeping comfortably in the open fields and skids to a stop. Axew is sent flying through the air and lands in front of another Bouffalant, which opens one sleepy eye and peers at the little non-Bouffalant. Axew panics and leaps into a bush, falling out the other side with a little leafy afro. Now convinced that it is staring at a small and incredibly ugly Bouffalant, the Bouffalant goes back to sleep. Relieved, Axew realises he has a disguise on and begins to creep as carefully out of herd as possible. Every few steps he stops in a panic and sweats in fear as sleepy Bouffalant turn to glare, but each one is convinced by the afro and eventually turn their gaze elsewhere or go back to sleep.

In the forest, Ash and Cilan have bumped into Nurse Joy who tells them she just met (and abandoned) Iris not too long ago. She points in the direction she left her, and then they decide to insult her hair for shits and giggles. Soon after she has explained the reason for the wig, and eagerly offers wigs to Ash, Cilan (who seems delighted with his new cut) and the rest of the Pokémon - except for Pansage, which just needs it own broccoli hair adjusted somewhat. She waves a happy goodbye, once more abandoning children to a dangerous and forbidden area of the forest.

Meanwhile Axew has bumped into a dangling Sewaddle and enjoys poking it and causing it to swing about on the end of its string. Sewaddle seems to enjoy it too, and they giggle together till a Pidove lands on Axew's head, grabs the leafy-afro from his head and flies away, leaving Axew exposed. Of course a Bouffalant is RIGHT there, pawing the ground angrily to discover a trespasser (Sewaddle has already disappeared back up into the tree, suggesting this is a well practised team-up it does with Pidove). Axew cheeses it, followed by the furious (and stupid) Bouffalant.

Iris, Snivy, Tepig and Oshawott have found the clearing where the herd was slumbering earlier, but none of them are in sight. Iris snaps at Oshawott and Tepig that this is their fault for bickering, and when they try to blame each other she shouts them both down and they have the presence of mind to look chastised. She hears thundering and turns to see a furious Bouffalant charging in pursuit of a terrified Axew, which is doing a surprisingly good job of staying ahead despite his chubby little legs. Snivy instantly uses Vine Whip to tear patches of leaves free from a bush and fling them onto Axew's head. Bouffalant immediately skids to a stop, shocked to discover the small green thing it was chasing has been replaced by a small, green, incredibly mutated Bouffalant. It grunts and turns away, leaving behind a relieved Axew who is reunited with Iris by Snivy's Vine Whip. She tearfully tells Axew she was scared, then thanks Snivy for saving the day (of course!).

Ash, Cilan and the Pokémon come wandering out of the forest calling for Iris, and find themselves face to face with a pissed off Bouffalant. Ash wants to get back into the trees but Cilan stops him, telling to wait and see if the wigs work. The Bouffalant approaches each of them and glares each one in the face, seemingly satisfied that all of them are bizarre looking Bouffalant. Somehow Scraggy is able to resist head butting the giant buffalo, but Pansage's lousy disguise comes under heavier scrutiny than most. Finally the Bouffalant seems satisfied though and walks away, leaving them all to breathe a sigh of relief.

Iris has headed back into the trees and discovers another Bouffalant, but this one has hurt its leg, probably while head butting other Bouffalant. She approaches and tries to calm it, telling it that she'll go and find some healing herbs for it. She finds a tree near a cliff and she and Axew clamber up it and onto the rockface, crawling up as the Pokémon below watch. But she slips and she and Axew fall towards certain death, their wigs coming off as they plunge into the trees and are saved by a crotching on a tree branch that would have killed Cilan or Ash but leave her relatively unharmed. She gets back down onto the ground and asks Snivy for help, but her vine whip can't reach high enough to get at the herbs growing out of the rocks. Oshawott tries with Water Gun but can't reach either, so Tepig breathes in, preparing to unleash flamethrower till Oshawott quite correctly slaps him out of it - what good would BURNING the herbs do? The two prepare to throw down again till Snivy admonishes them, and then the three carefully discuss exactly what to do and come up with a clear solution - Snivy should pitch the two of them at high speed directly towards the rock wall!



One can't help but think this is all Snivy's idea.

Oshawott is flung through the air first (losing his wig), then Snivy bounds into the sky and tosses Tepig straight after. Tepig also loses his wig, but slams his ass against Oshawott's (Requiem for a Pokémon?) and then blasts out flamethrower to create a jet of flame that pushes Oshawott higher. Tepig then loses momentum and falls backwards through the sky like the expended fuel tank on a 1970s space rocket....

I love Pokémon so goddamn much.

....calling back to Oshawott which nods back at the little fire pig as he reaches the rock with the herbs on it. He cuts the herbs away with his Scalchop and falls back towards the ground, caught by Iris who also caught the falling Tepig. Delighted, she thanks the trio (all of whom have lost their wigs) and reminds them that by working together, there is nothing they can't achieve. A somewhat shamefaced Oshawott and Tepig seem to take the lesson to heart, embarrassed at their own earlier in-fighting.

Iris grinds the herbs into a paste and slathers it onto Bouffalant's leg, tying an easily identifiable makeshift red bandage around its leg. She tells it they can't stick around but she hopes it feels better, then they all head off to find Ash and Cilan again. As they move through the forest though, they find the way ahead and behind blocked by two Bouffalant, and they cheese it to the side and end up trapped at a dead-end, another rocky cliff-face. Oshawott, Snivy and Tepig approach to defend Iris, but she tells the little sentient weapons of mass destruction to leave this to the girl with no super-powers! She steps forward and tries to explain they meant no trespass.... failing to take into account she is talking to Pokémon that are so stupid they are tricked by cheap curly wigs! They aren't listening, and charge to attack, crackling with electricity as they come. Iris tries to vault over the first Bouffalant and is zapped with electricity, crashing to the ground. The Bouffalant turns to finish the job, but the electricity has caused her ridiculous hair to puff up hugely, and it believes her to be a Bouffalant that appeared out of nowhere and thus shouldn't be attacked. It turns and is joined by the second Bouffalant, and they prepare to attack Snivy, Tepig and Oshawott which brace to defend themselves. But a third Bouffalant arrives on the scene, easily identified by the red bandage tied around its leg. It warns the other two off, and they seem to figure why the fuck not listen to the Bouffalant that was apparently weak enough to be easily injured not too long ago. They head off, and Iris thanks it gratefully for saving them. It leads them on as a guide, and they soon find themselves reunited with Ash, Cilan and the other Pokémon. Ash is concerned to see they're with a Bouffalant, but she assures them it is friendly, and that none of them need to wear curly wigs because of "a secret". It's a needless secret, but it's hers and they don't question it, instead everybody just joins up and follows the Bouffalant which leads them down a rocky path to a rickety wooden bridge over a gorge.

They'll be safe on the other side of the bridge, it is outside of Bouffalant territory. They cross over and wave their goodbyes, and come across the first sign they've seen warning of Bouffalant territory and the danger of crossing the bridge. Iris says that it seems Joy was telling the truth (why would she lie?) and then Joy herself shows up. She's glad to see that the children she abandoned in a dangerous forest have made it out safely, and they're just glad to hand their wigs back over. Not all of them, though, as Emolga seems frantic to keep hers. Iris apologises for losing some of the wigs, but Joy says it is no problem, they have plenty.

Well it's not like there is a huge demand for them outside of circuses.

Ash asks Iris if Oshawott and Tepig were any trouble and they freak out that she'll tell on them for almost getting Axew killed. She says they were both great though, and everybody breathes a sigh of relief as they turn and look at the road leading on to Mistralton City. It's so open and clear, they'll be sure to get there soon....



....as soon as they're over that fucking mountain.

BEST QUOTES

"Is that hairstyle of yours popular around these parts, or are you just making your own personal fashion statement?"

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