ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
717: Explorers of the Hero's Ruin!	723: Kuroki Eiyu no Iseki! Shinbora to Desukan!	Daddy and the Darkstone			Juniper's Dad and the twerps defile an ancient temple	Nope	Don't steal from the Undead!

Last episode, we were left with a cliffhanger when a fit old man stumbled out of Chargestone Cave and collapsed to the ground. Professor Juniper cried out,"PAPA!" much to the surprise of the twerps, and now it is time to find out if this is her Daddy and what the hell is going on. A short time later he is scoffing his face in a tent, while Juniper explains he's not just her father but a researcher who specializes in Legendary Pokémon. She asks him what he was doing there, and he explains a magnificent ruin was recently found that may be linked to the Legend of the Hero, and may be where the Hero established contact with Zekrom.

Ash is delighted to hear that he might get to meet the Legendary Zekrom (again!), and he's always eager to casually encounter another in a long series of legendaries. Daddy Juniper bounds up to say he's ready to head off now, he was on his way to the ruin when Chargestone Cave "got in the way" and now he has to get going. Juniper holds him up though, showing him the pen and asking if it is his. It is, and she explains where she found it and tells him to be more careful (none of this explains her odd behaviour when she found the pen initially though). He laughs it off and tells her that running into his daughter unexpectedly has inspired him to get the fuck out of dodge and away from her as fast as possible. The twerps - ever mindful of a distraction - speak up, Ash asking Professor Juniper (and getting BOTH their attention) if they can go along to. Well of course he'll say no, it's no place for kids, only for REAL...



Daddy Juniper listens to their request and grumpily declares he never....... refuses bright young folks! The horrified twerps are quickly relieved, and Juniper explains that her Dad has a habit of pausing mid-sentence when he has things on his mind. Clearly this absent-minded old duffer is EXACTLY the type of person who should be put in charge of three kids, so off they go, waving goodbye to Professor Juniper and heading back into Chargestone Cave. This time they get through (probably because Cilan is there) and head through another in the endless series of forests in Unova, climb a rock-face and camp out for the night.

It's then that the twerps FINALLY actually bother to ask to hear what this so-called Legend of the Hero actually is. Ash not knowing makes sense, but apparently Unova residents Cilan and Iris have no idea either. Daddy Juniper has another pause that makes them think he is going to refuse, but then he launches into a reading from "The Chapter of Darkness" in Pokémon Mythology. "The Hero" turned darkness into light and his heart became one with the Pokémon, and Zekrom descended to give him his power. Daddy Juniper thinks this ruin might be the place where this happened, while the twerps seem oddly confident that they're totally going to see Zekrom too. As they discuss this, some very odd choices of camera angles show Pikachu and Axew eating on the ground beside them, and then a long shot from the bushes POV of the twerps eating at their table that gives the impression that something is watching them.

The next day they arrive at the entrance to the ruins... which isn't hidden at all and is right out there in the open and clearly easy to find and in fact appears to be regularly maintained. There are no other people there, apparently they "found" it and then just called Daddy Juniper and fucked off, so in he goes with two minors and a competent teenager. The tunnel they've entered is well lit by whoever isn't there, and Junipapa tells them to watch out for any traps that might have been left behind. The tunnel ends in a dead end and a small statute of a Venipede. Junipapa observes it and looks for text near it to indicate how to proceed. He finds it in a code readable only by the ancients, which he has an index to in his book. He decodes the message and reads it out, but pauses mid-sentence once more, causing Cilan to turn the statue the wrong way and send a giant copyright-infringing boulder rolling right towards them.

Cilan calls out Pansage to use Dig, and they dive into the hole, successfully escaping the trap left by the Ancients thanks to the unprecedented use of Pokémon which existed back then as well. Lying in the hole, the boulder having passed overhead, Junipapa chuckles that the first rule of adventuring is to do nothing until he has finished his thought, causing everybody (including Axew and Pikachu) to moan in despair. They head on down the now clear passageway and arrive at a gorge with two wooden bridges, which Cilan correctly guesses is yet another trap. Junipapa checks his book and declares it is the bridge on the right..... and Iris speaks up in the pause to say the bridge on the right is wrong..... and Junipapa finally continues, agreeing it is wrong. He then reads on about the bridge of the left.... and Ash and Cilan figure this is the right one and immediately step onto it.... is also wrong! The bridge collapses and Ash and Cilan are left dangling from the remains as Iris freaks out, Ash muttering a terrible pun about "just hanging out".

After they're back up the top, Junipapa tells them that Rule Number 2 is to never assume. But how to get over the gorge if BOTH bridges are a trap? Cilan notes that the cave on the other side of the bridge is probably a trap as well, but then how do they proceed? Junipapa quite rightly notes that there is obviously ANOTHER way to go, and Axew is the one to find it, a small opening in the wall off to the side opens up and leads further down to a VERY disturbing sight.



There's no ancient text for Junipapa to translate, so they figure they'll just pick a passage at random and hope for the best. First they try the Darumaka cave, and instantly find themselves surrounded by flames. Cilan calls out Stunfisk and they escape through use of Mud Bomb, and get the hell out of there. Next they try the Krokorok cave and end up at a dead end... and then the walls begin closing in on them! Iris brings out Excadrill the hold the walls in place with Metal Claw while they escape, and then Iris recalls Excadrill to its Pokéball. That leaves the Golett Cave, and Junipapa tells them that he knew this was the right one from the get-go!

Astonished, they ask why the hell he didn't say something before. He explains that every other ruin associated with "The Hero" that has ever been found has had the same three cave set-up, and Golett has ALWAYS been the cave to choose. He didn't tell them because he wanted them to have the fun of exploration.... and the adrenalin rush of near-death? Iris is understandably less than pleased, while dumb ol' Ash thinks Junipapa totally rules. They enter the cave and they find the next problem..... sarcophaguses...esseesss.....si? The room is lined with what appears to be several sarcophagi, and despite not knowing what they are the twerps feel a deep sense of unease. They move on.... and behind them, one of the sarcophagus creaks open... oh sweet Jesus.

They arrive at what Junipapa believes to be a revolving door, and he says if they press on it together they should be able to open it. This is probably going to be another trap, but it’s not like they have any choice (well they could leave and let professionals handle this....) so they push and the door opens, and a white light shines down over them. They're momentarily blinded, and then the light fades and they move through the doorway to discover a huge open dome with stairs leading down to a small circle of crystal spikes lit up by sunlight shining in from an open hole in the top of the roof.

So these ancient undiscovered ruins have a tended, open doorway and a big-ass hole in the roof with light shining down on them and nobody found them till recently?

Ash approaches a big gold shining ball in the floor and Junipapa instantly calls him back, warning him that it is the Golden Darkstone. What is that? It "may" be what the Hero used to summon Zekrom, and he suspects it is probably booby-trapped to a far deadlier extent than what they've faced so far. How deadlier? Well Junipapa thinks that it's likely that they wouldn't make it back at all. He doesn't say "death, die or kill" of course, but the intent isn't left ambiguous at all when Ash imagines himself as a skeleton and Pikachu losing his soul!

Junipapa gives them Adventure Rule #3 - Danger in Moderation. He's calling a halt to their exploration to this point, showing that he does have some level of competency - this is nothing to be fucking about with when kids are around. They begin to head back, but then a voice calls out and they turn around to see the most bizarre fucking thing anybody has ever seen ever.... and in Pokémon, that's saying a lot!

A Sigilyph comes swooping down through the hole in the roof screeching its name - it's utterly bizarre, looking like an "Unown got jammed up the butthole of a Gastly which they painted before turning it upside down and gluing wings to it". The Pokédex informs them that Sigilyph was known as the guardian of cities and fiercely protects its territory... and obviously it thinks this dome is just that. It attacks them, ignoring their efforts to communicate with its bizarre unknowable alien mind, and knocks Pikachu out with Hypnosis. They cheese it, rushing up the steps and back into the room of the sarcophagi - the lids of which are ominously open and the contents empty. Junipapa has the brilliant idea of sealing them all up inside them (what the hell man?) and in they go, Sigilyph passing them by grumpily before returning to the dome.

They step out of the empty sarcophagi and Ash is pleased to see Pikachu is awake and alert again.... but where is Iris? She hasn't stepped out of her sarcophagus (just saying those words is creepy) yet, so Ash and Cilan open it up and-



HOLY JESUS CHRISTING FUCK WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?!

It's a Cofagrigus, and things get even creepier as long black spectral arms zip past Ash and then pull the sarcophagus body after it, dropping to all fours and scurrying away like a fucking spider. The Pokédex explains happily that it is a "Coffin" Pokémon (no, not Koffing) and that it turns people it captures into mummies and eats gold. Eats gold? That's interesting, in fact you could say th.... TURNS PEOPLE IN MUMMIES!?!

Cilan demands that it release Iris, so it... picks up Ash and Pikachu with its paranormal powers! That's not what Cilan said at all! Junipapa tells Cilan it's all up to him (what else is new) and he brings out Pansage to fight the UNDEAD MONSTER THAT IS TRYING TO EAT IRIS' SOUL! They clash, Pansage dodging Cofagrigus' attacks and managing to hit it with Solar Beam. Cofagrigus drops Ash and Pikachu (which bounces!) and vomits up Iris and Axew, who are bandaged up like mummies, including Iris' huge hair!

Iris and Axew break out of the bandages and she moans that she quits, while Cofagrigus is getting back up ready to keep fighting. The door they came through won't open, but another one ominously opens and they rush headlong into the trap. They find themselves in another room of sarcophagi, and Cilan timidly but optimistically suggests that maybe it is only a Cofagrigus or two.... and then six of them appear! They cheese it through the next door and enter a large chamber... and find the pissed off Sigilyph waiting for them! It attacks and they try their best to escape, Cilan moaning that he can't understand why they're attacking (they're monsters!) since they didn't lay a hand on the Golden Darkstone. Except.... they did! As Junipapa shows Cilan when he reveals that he.... he fucking pocketed it when nobody was looking! He cackles madly after Iris moans that he told them not to touch it, pointing out that for a researcher like him, touching the things you're not supposed to touch is irresistible.

Is this why they don't let him near undergraduates?

He turns to Sigilyph and holds out the Darkstone, saying it can have it back... and it responds with yet another attack. Blasted but still standing, Junipapa figures that Sigilyph is too furious to listen to reason and the only way to calm it down is to return the Darkstone. But their way back to the dome is blocked by the Cofagrigus, which haul them all into the air with their terrifying unholy powers and send them crashing towards the wall. By a stroke of luck, Ash's head is the first to smash at speed into the brick wall, meaning nothing of any value is hurt. A secret door opens in the wall and they all fall through, plummeting through the air and into an underground pool of water deep inside the ruin - Junipapa thinks the place prisoners were held in the past. Cilan moans that he'll never get to cook again, but Junipapa laughs that he took the Darkstone deliberately so they'd end up here. Ash is delighted with his foresight, while Iris (with good reason) suspects he's full of horseshit.

According to Legend, the Hero encountered Zekrom deep beneath the ground, and to test his theory Junipapa lifts the Golden Darkstone and a light emerges, illuminating a mural telling the story of how the Hero was defeated and injured and waded deep down underground in despair, resigned to the fate of the world. It was then that Zekrom appeared to help him escape the darkness. Ash says this means they will escape too, though Cilan says he doesn't see exactly how they're going to do that. Junipapa agrees though, Adventure Rule #4 is that you never give up, and they need to look around because there MUST be a way out. They begin hunting about, Cilan sweating with shock at SOMETHING he sees down a hole, while Junipapa finds a familiar rune and manages to open another hidden door.

They find themselves back in the Dome and he returns the Darkstone to its place, and happily turns to face Sigilyph and Cofagrigus as they return to the Dome and approach. They don't seem to care though, wrapping them up in unholy energy again and then..... SHOOTING THEM AT MACH 1 VELOCITY THROUGH THE HOLE IN THE DOME AND MILES UP INTO THE SKY!

Well this explains how the open and accessible ruins went "undiscovered" for so long - the supernatural unholy monsters that MURDERED anyone who showed up!

They pause at the apex of their lift and then begin to descend, quickly reaching terminal velocity as they plummet to inescapable death. Junipapa roars out Adventure Rule #5 - the answer to escaping mortal danger lies in the legend's core. What does that mean? The Legend of the Hero is that Zekrom lent its power to the hero when his heart became one with the Pokémon, so their hearts need to be one with the Pokémon too! How do they do this though? For once Ash has the answer, as he shouts out that it's easy, they already really love Pokémon! A quick series of shots from throughout the series flash by, their hearts (or souls or minds or whatever) presumably read by Sigilyph and Cofagrigus's unknowable minds. The twerps fall through the hole in the dome and then slow, being brought to a careful stop just before hitting the ground and being lowered down safely. They have been judged and found worthy, it seems, and Cofagrigus and Sigilyph leave them inside the dome, Junipapa and the twerps shouting out their thanks and goodbyes. Junipapa lifts up his notebook and happily shows them the map of the journey they have undertaken so far - and it's a Zekrom!

Is this accurate or just more of his bullshit? Iris of all people giggles that ANYTHING is possible, and Junipapa gives them Adventure Rule #6 - making strong and unbelievable assumptions may lead to new discoveries! He roars with laughter at the total joke his profession is, as do ALL academics when they think they're alone and can't believe their luck in getting paid for all this bullshit!

Outside the ruins, Junipapa says his goodbyes to the twerps and tells them he plans to stick around a bit longer and continue his research. Or perhaps do some actual REAL research once the kids are out of the way and he doesn't have to babysit them any longer. Or perhaps to get some undergraduates to come in and do all the work unpaid but actually show a level of competency that the twerps couldn't? In either case, it's time to part ways. The twerps say they'd love to explore more ruins with him in the future, and then they're on their way. But the adventure isn't over - forget all this nonsense about "The Hero" and the "Chapter of Darkness" or Zekrom or any of that other bollocks, because as the twerps walk away a different kind of Legend shows up! The ground turns over and then erupts, and who should show up?



Oh hell yes!

BEST QUOTES

"You're awesome, Professor!" "I think he's making it up as he goes along."

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