ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
705: Ash Versus the Champion!	711: Satoshi Tai Chanpion Adeku!	Man On Buffalo Make-Out Session			Trip and the twerps meet Unova's Champion	Nuh-uh	You should never meet your idol

Today finds the twerps approaching the drawbridge to leave Nimbasa City and being the trip to Driftveil City. But as they walk, Iris suddenly notices something small and subtle that was obviously incredibly easy to overlook until her keen perceptions enabled her to pick it out.... a massive permanent street performance square filled with noisy performers, happy citizens and loud Pokémon a whole several yards away.

Cilan explains that it is a space set aside for Street Performers (presumably so they don't bother people with actual jobs throughout the rest of the city). Iris wants to check it out and Ash doesn't seem to have any problem with another distraction/delay to getting over that goddamn bridge. Cilan is amused to see Ash is mostly enthusiastic at the food in the various stalls, but Pikachu knows something that will take Ash's mind off of food - Trip! With a squeak of "Pika Pi!" Ash is alerted to Trip's presence as he takes in the sights of Performer's Square, but when Trip spots Ash his only reaction is a sullen,"....oh." He still doesn't think much of Ash as a rival, it'll take something to get him interested, something crazy like seeing, oh, saaaaaay.....



It's kinda weird hearing Ash say his own name!

Ash rushes up excitedly to Trip to say.... hello! And uhhh... how's it going! He's not a great conversationalist, what with hanging out with small animals that can only say variations of their own name and all. Trip grunts he is doing fine, and then with incredible contempt notes that Ash seems to be doing well... as always. Ash enthusiastically shows off his four Gym Badges, and with a sniff Trip shows off his own - he has one more badge than Ash. Ash counts slowly (Trip finishing off for him) and then gasps as he comes to a horrifying conclusion - five is more than four! Trip agrees, noting that it is the difference between their skill levels.

Well let's be fair, Ash actually has something like 47000 badges at this point!

Ash insists they have a battle to prove.... something? But Trip grunts he has no time, and when Ash notes he just seems to be standing around, Trip actually shows an emotion other than sardonic contempt.... angry contempt! He snaps at Ash not to be rude, he happens to be waiting for somebody! Iris asks who, and Trip grunts that he means Alder, which freaks out the twerps - Alder, the Unova Champion!?!

Trip agrees, and the twerps start peppering him with questions about whether he's met him and what does he mean that Alder is his goal and etc. We know all this of course, because Trip had a flashback about meeting Alder during his third battle with Ash - the twerps don't know, because Trip was a rude son of a bitch and refused to share any of this with them at the time. But this time he does, explaining how he fed Alder's Bouffalant after seeing him battle when he was a small boy. He told Alder that he wanted to grow up to battle and defeat Alder, which pleased the Native American looking Champion who promised to stay Champion till Trip was old enough to challenge him.

But Iris is confused, the Champion basically spends all their time travelling, so how does Trip know that he can find him here. Yeah, how could Trip possibly know where to find the highest-ranking, most prestigious Pokémon Trainer in the Unova Region? Surely that guy must be totally incognito all the time! Trip tells her that there have been reports of Alder being seen nearby recently, so he's hanging out in the hopes of seeing him. But how likely is that? I mean it's not like he'll be just a few yards away chilling on Officer Jenny's sidecar casually flirting with her while she screams at him to stop squatting like a useless piece of shit bum!

Her Herdier is happily licking his face and he's hugging it with glee as he insists that she let him take her to lunch, while she just roars at him to get off the bike. She whips out a pair of handcuffs (hey hey!) and he stumbles backwards in surprise, and with a snort she gets onto her bike and drives away, grunting that he has the temerity to call himself the Unova Champion.

Trip approaches followed by the twerps, eagerly saying hello to Alder who oddly enough appears to recognise him (or is being really polite). Trip explains they only met once but he can't believe he remembers him. Alder does though, telling him he remembers him, his name is.... Tristan? Trip's face falls a little as he tells him his real name, but it's still pretty amazing that Alder remembers him AT ALL. Unfortunately for Trip, his joy is short-lived as Ash horns in to immediately challenge Alder to a battle. Furious, Trip shoves him aside and insists that Alder is going to battle HIM, and Alder just laughs happily - the price of fame! He tells them to relax, he'll take both of them (he's hardcore!) and ruffles their hair affectionately as they STARE at him in horror.

Trip is revolted, he wants to battle on his own and Ash agrees. Alder laughs and agrees, and Trip actually offers to let Ash go first. Ash is surprised, until Trip explains that since Ash is going to get creamed, Trip can watch and pick what NOT to do. Ash is furious, but soon forgets because BATTLE BATTLE ASHY LIKE TO BATTLE!Alder tells "Ashton" to come along, and they head for a forest clearing (so they leave the city and go into the forest?) to begin.

Alder's first Pokémon is his Bouffalant, and Ash stops to check it out with his Pokédex, learning that it is powerful and destructive and will headbutt everything in its path. Ash sends in Pikachu, and Cilan notes that there is no type advantage between the two, while Trip smirks that it makes no difference for a powerful trainer like Alder. Ash opens with Thunderbolt, but Bouffalant just stands and takes it while Alder simply stands calmly in place behind it, eyes closed. After the Thunderbolt is over, Alder continues to just stand there and so does Bouffalant. Cilan and Iris are confused, Trip can't take his eyes off of what is going on. Alder makes no move, and Bouffalant simply stands in place and takes hits from Pikachu, taking SOME damage but not a great deal. Cilan is trying to get his head around Alder's style, noting that Bouffalant can absorb a great deal of blunt physical damage so the moves won't be all that effective.... but even so, what kind of strategy is standing still and doing nothing?

Works for Snorlax!

Pikachu does seem to be getting tired though, despite only doing a few moves and being a well-trained killing machine. Ash wonders if this is Alder's strategy but figures the hell with it they'll keep going anyway. He orders an Electro-Ball, and Bouffalant turns to look at Alder.... then begins stomping its paw furiously as the twerps realise that this isn't a strategy..... Alder is asleep!



Bouffalant takes Electro Ball right to the face and gets right in sleeping Alder's face. Trip shouts at Alder to wake up and snaps him out of his sleep, and he moans that he's been walking non-stop since yesterday and is exhausted, so he must have dozed off. Ash can't believe it, but now Alder is awake and ready to get back into the swing of things, and orders a Head Charge from Bouffalant. It seems less than willing to follow orders though, so a happy Alder slaps it on the ass and sends it barrelling forward in shock. Ash yells at Pikachu to dodge it and it does jump aside, but then Bouffalant turns and begins charging.... for Alder! He watches it coming and cheerfully asks if it is mad... and then it slams right into him and sends him crashing into a tree!

He gasps that this is the kind of strong attack he'd expect from his Bouffalant, then collapses to the ground.... passed out! I think technically this means that Ash just won a battle against the Champion of the Unova League!

Alder says just as much, sitting up and declaring that he just lost. Trip is horrified, turning to look at a disinterested Bouffalant that is now casually eating leaves from a nearby bush. He notes Bouffalant is still able to battle, but Alder laughs that he's done for the day, no more battles! Trip is horrified, HE was promised a battle, but Alder laughs and tells "Tristran" that there's no point in having a mind if you can't change it!



That about sums it up!

Cilan and Iris note that you can probably get away with lame lines and a bad sense of humour when you're Champion. Trip isn't done though, he growls that when they met all those years ago Alder gave him advice that he has based his entire Training career on. The more he battled, the stronger he would get, and one day he could be Champion some day - in a battle, strength is the most important thing.

Alder ponders this for a moment, then replies...."No." Trip is horrified, WHAT!?! Alder notes that he wouldn't say strength is the most important thing, then asks Trip if he REALLY said that all those years ago? He ruffles his hair again and tells him to come get something to eat, but Trip is hearing none of it. He snaps that he's going to go and train the way that HE believes in - being a strong trainer, strong enough to become Champion. He storms away, disgusted, leaving behind a bemused Alder who tells him it helps to enjoy life too. He heads over to Bouffalant and happily tells that it needs a balanced diet and offers it an apple. It gobbles it up and then happily begins licking him.... right in the mouth! Apparently it's over its anger with him from earlier, and he laughs that its tongue tickles (HIS TONGUE! THEY'RE KISSING!) while the twerps happily watch the man on buffalo make-out session.

Alder suddenly leaps to his feet, declaring he's hungry and asking if they can PLEASE eat? Slightly taken aback, they agree, and head to the Pokémon Centre together where Alder gleefully begins flirting with Nurse Joy. Excited fans hang out in the lobby clutching pens and hoping for an autograph, while Alder turns up the smooth and tells her she's totally hotter than Officer Jenny, asking the sweating Joy to join him for dinner. She insists she has to work and he laughs that she's the Boss, she can do what she wants!

Finally they head to the table to enjoy a big meal, but while Alder and Ash are chowing down with gusto - Cilan and Iris seem somewhat troubled. It turns out they don't like eating with an audience, as the blushing fans are all still gathered behind Alder desperate to just SEE him. Alder and Ash turn and notice the fans for the first time, and Alder tells them he will sign all their autographs for them AFTER his meal, and politely asks them to wait outside. They head away happily, and Alder asks the twerps what their plans are - what is their ultimate goal. They all have quick answers, Ash wants to be a Pokémon Master, Iris wants to be a Dragon Master and Cilan wants to be a top-ranked Connoisseur. Alder nods, and then asks them what they plan to do AFTER that? They all seem surprised, and have to admit that none of them have ever considered what to do after achieving their goals. Alder presses further, asking them how they mean to achieve their goals. Ash is quick to answer again, he wants to be become as strong as possible, and it is noted this is Trip's philosophy as well. Iris agrees with it, she can't think of a better way to attain her goals than through strength, but Alder disagrees. He begins to elaborate, but is interrupted by Nurse Joy rushing in asking for him. He leaps happily to his feet, throwing his arms wide and crying out that she doesn't have to beg! But she quickly sets him straight, saying this is no time for jokes, there is a wild Gigalith out there on a rampage!

Alder quickly heads to the site of the drama, where a black and red stony Pokémon called Gigalith is tearing up Performer's Square. Officer Jenny is trying to keep back the crowds of people, and Alder tells her to get back as well. She DOES have a job to do, but he tells her that if he fails, he is relying on her to handle things. She smiles and heads away, and Alder and Bouffalant approach Gigalith and.... offer it an apple!

It storms towards him as the twerps cry out to him to get away, but he insists that it will stop before it reaches him. It keeps coming, faster and faster, but Alder doesn't lose his calm, claiming that everything is going to be alllllllllllll riiii-and then Gigalith slams into him and sends him crashing back into a pole!

Officer Jenny sighs and says this is her cue, sending in Herdier to attack. But Bouffalant gets in the way and a happy Alder staggers back to his feet and tells it good, keep Herdier from attacking. He tells Jenny that the blow to his head helped clear it and let him see what Gigalith's problem was. He steps in front of it again and braces himself as it charges, lowering his hands and.... then grabbing it and uses its momentum to send it flipping over and crashing into the ground!



He apologises to it, saying this was the best way he could think of to get at the heart of the problem... and he pulls a bent nail out of its foot - the source of its pain and cause of its rampage. He sprays some medicine on it, and it rips out of the ground and drops back down to earth, glaring at Alder. He pets it on the head and tells it that he knows how crazy the pain must have driven it, and offers a clear crystal of some sort to it to eat. It does so happily, now completely calm after he pulled the nail out of its foot and talked nice to it and gave it some food and a petting on the head yay ^_^

But Officer Jenny wants to arrest it, because it did property damage and she needs something to placate the ignorant rabble. Alder insists it is fine now, it's no longer angry or in pain, and she seems to waver for a second... and then the giant pole that Alder was slammed into earlier begins to topple and fall... right for Jenny! Before anyone can stop standing around doing nothing, Gigalith leaps through the air and takes the brunt of the impact on its back, sheltering Jenny and saving her life. She crawls out from under it and thanks it for helping, and Alder tells her that Gigalith will be calm so long as it remains unprovoked. He escorts it to the forest's edge with Jenny and the twerps and suggests it heads home, and asks Jenny if she is okay with that. She agrees and they all wave goodbye as it walks away, and then Ash approaches Alder to ask him to finish what he started to tell them in the Pokémon Centre. He seems completely confused, but with further prodding he remembers and finishes up his philosophizing - strength isn't the most important, he wants people and Pokémon to grow closer together and gain a better understanding of each other.

They all agree, it's a wonderful and delightful message and a new philosophy for them to consider and.... HANG ON A FUCKING SECOND! THIS HAS BEEN ASH'S PHILOSOPHY SINCE DAY GODDAMN ONE OF THIS FUCKING SHOW! As they ooh and ahh over the idea of being close and friendly with their close friends, Alder redeems himself just a little bit by pointing out that different people have different philosophies. Some trainers focus on strength, some are just happy to have Pokémon to pal around with. They'll sort out what works best for them, and that's the way it should be.

Heading to the Drawbridge at last, he happily, violently ruffles Ash's hair and roars with laughter - Cilan and Iris rearing back in case he goes for them next. Waving goodbye, the twerps head across the bridge and say goodbye to the bizarre, wonderful, lusting bum that is Unova's Champion..... long may he reign!

BEST QUOTES

"One, two, three, four...." "Five."

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