ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
702: Enter Elesa, Electrifying Gym Leader!	708: Jimu Rida wa Karisuma Moderu! Kamisure Tojo!	No, fuck YOU, Dad!			Bianca's Daddy tries to wreck her life AND Ash's!	Skipped the first day of work apparently!	Girls love it when men fight over who gets to dictate their personal future!

Today finds the twerps at The Nimbasa City Gym... FINALLY! But as Ash approaches his goal at last, a final obstacle gets in his way - a wide-hipped, wiggling, over-excited, overgrown little girl.... Bianca! She zoom-wiggles past, hitting Ash and knocking him into the fountain in front of the Gym. He roars at her to watch where she is going, and she turns in surprise to look and.... OH THANK YOU JESUS CHRIST A NEW OPENING!

Gone is the lame 3D, back is various pieces of footage of the twerps, their friends, their rivals, their enemies and lots of Pokémon running around and doing things and getting into fights and looking smug and yelling and blowing stuff up! It's Rival Destinies, the 15th (my God....) season of Pokémon, and we're into a brand new brand new start!



Bianca explains to Ash (who for once isn't naked in public sitting in front of a campfire) that she is here to challenge the Gym Leader. Ash grumbles that he's going first, but she grabs his arm and tells him that she's actually made an appointment. He insists that he got here first so it doesn't matter, and Cilan tries to make the peace, telling them to leave it up to the Gym Leader.

But who is the Gym Leader? As normal Ash knows NOTHING about the fight he's so eager to get into. Bianca explains, the Gym Leader is Elesa, who apparently also doubles as a fashion model for geek chic magazines like BDIICKCS; according to the magazine she shows them.

Yes, Gentle Dodgers, the Pokémon World has a "Big Dicks" magazine.

But when Bianca approaches the Gym the doors don't open, and Ash spots a sign that says that Elesa regrets she won't be there because she'll be attending the fashion show. Rather than being upset despite the fact she fucking BOOKED AN APPOINTMENT, Bianca is excited at the idea of going to the fashion show and heads away. Cilan suggests that they go to the show as well, since it will give Ash a chance to learn a bit more about Elesa before he battles her (and also because Cilan TOTALLY wants to go to a fashion show!). They head in and join a huge crowd that watches Elesa strut down the catwalk as a variety of little girls stare in wide-eyed wonder at their idol. But the odd tingling THEY are feeling is nothing compared to the "tingle" that Elesa suddenly gets when she spots Pikachu. Leaping through the crowd, she zooms right up to Ash and stares in delight at the surprised Pikachu. Ash introduces himself, followed by the others, and Bianca explains she went to the Gym (where SHE HAD AN APPOINTMENT!) and Elesa wasn't there. Ash also eagerly challenges her, and she tells them that she'll meet them all at the Gym after the Fashion Show is over.

So after the show is over, they head inside the Gym and find.... a little electric car on a rail? They hop in and it puts forward... then speeds up as they travel on rail over a HUGE open space of fairgrounds. What the Christ kind of Gym is this? Apparently the "Ultimate Electric Type Gym", and the roller-coaster reaches its destination where Elesa is waiting. A blushing Bianca is delighted that she made an appointment, while Ash is furious with himself for not doing so. But first of all, Elesa has a surprise for Bianca, as the doors behind her open and out walks.... Daddy!?!

Yes, little princess Bianca has a daddy and... he's a fat-ass! He waddles out in his suit and declares happily that he's come to take her... home? HOME!?! Yes it seems he's decided he was wrong to give her permission to set off on a Pokémon Journey (despite the fact she looks like she's in her 20s) and so... that's that... it's over!

Bianca is - understandably - absolutely horrified and adamant that NO! she is not going, she is staying right there. Daddy insists though, it's far too dangerous for her to be out on her own. She reminds him that he was young when he set out, but he claims this just means he understand the dangers and thus is even MORE right to try and destroy her dreams. Bianca - having unbalanced and psychologically devastated her opponent - cheerfully suggests that they have their Gym Battle so Bianca and her Daddy can see how much she has grown as a Trainer. Daddy seizes on the opportunity, saying that if she loses, she'll agree to come back home with him. Startled, Bianca accepts, which freaks out Ash. He reminds her what is at stake, and this IS a Gym Leader after all, but Bianca just sets her face resolutely and insists that this just means she CAN'T lose, because everything is at stake.

They head into the arena, the seating of which is filled to the brim with those same excited little girls who were gushing over Elesa at the Fashion Show. Two girls are holding hands to try and contain their excitement, at least two are dressed as clones of Elesa, and the whole place is basically a wall of sound that is sure to further put Bianca on the back foot.

The Battle begins, three per side and only Bianca will be allowed to make substitutions. Bianca sends out Zebstrika and Bianca sends in.... Shelmet?



WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING!?!

It's a "snail Pokémon", and according to the Pokédex is spins a sticky (oh Lord) poisonous acid. That's what Bianca opens with, but Zebstrika manages to dodge that and then two Energy Balls before ramming straight into Shelmet with Flame Charge, then a Double Kick for good measure to send the ugly fucking Pokémon flying, spinning and crashing into the ground where it is knocked out and Bianca is already one Pokémon down (and boy is he looking like a fat, smug sonuvabitch at the moment!).

Bianca sends in Minccino with Double Slap and then Swift, but the fast Zebstrika is able to dodge both and then intimidate and smack around Minccino with Flame Charge. But Minccino survives and hits Zebstrika with Hyper Voice... but it survives and hits a Flame Charge/Double kick combo and Minccino is out.... and Bianca is two Pokémon down!

Finally she sends in Pignite, her LAST chance to keep her dreams alive before her Daddy takes her home and puts her back into a bubble. She opens with Flame Thrower which Zebstrika dodges, but Pignite dodges Double Kick and manages to score a direct shot with Flame Charge, then follows up with Flamethrower, smashing right into Zebstrika as it tries Flame Charge... and Zebstrika bursts THROUGH the Flamethrower and smashes right into Pignite! The fat pig goes over and has to roll aside in desperation to keep Zebstrika's Double Kick from connecting. The two break away and face off, and Bianca orders a Heat Crash that sends Zebstrika staggering back... but still standing. Zebstrika dodges a Flamethrower and use Flame Charge, smashing Pignite down. Elesa orders a Wild Charge and connects, and.... BOOM!



The dream is over, Pignite is out and Bianca's Pokémon Journey is over, just like that.

Hell of a downer to start the season with!

Bianca just STARES while her fat smug fuck of a father smirks to see his daughter's dreams destroyed. They head outside and her Dad tries to offer some false platitudes before sticking the knife in, but discovers to his surprise that his little girl doesn't hang on his every word anymore. She cuts him off to call out Shelmet to check on its condition, and it's looking pretty out of it. Iris offers it a bottle of some of her herbal treatments and seems to make it feel better. Iris and Cilan both tell Bianca they're sorry how things worked out but Daddy just wants to head back home like it ain't nothing but a thing. Elesa heads outside first though and tells them that before they go she'd like to head to the Pokémon Centre to get Zebstrika a check-up, so they might as well all go together.

At the Center, Nurse Joy takes the Pokémon and heals them up, and Cilan declares "IT'S BREAK TIME!" and settles everyone down at a table to have a meal. Daddy and Elesa are both impressed with the quality of his tea, and Cilan explains how he makes his food, which Elesa declares "makes her tingle".... my goodness.

With the meal done, Daddy still has his mind set on one thing though and tells Bianca it's time to go. She stammers that she doesn't want to go but he doesn't want to hear it, blandly stating that she promised so that's that. They stand up to leave and Iris grumpily tells Ash to do something, so Ash makes the lamest attempt in the world to convince Daddy, telling him that he should... uhh... let Bianca keep going.... and stuff.

Daddy blandly states that he worries she'll get into trouble like she did at the Pokémon Center recently when all her Pokémon got stolen (along with EVERYBODY ELSES!) so she needs to grow up and settle down for a bit before starting all over again. Ash says okay and sits back down to his meal, happily telling Iris that he tried, while she just GLARES at him in response.

Cilan tells Ash to convince him with his "specialty move", reminding him that Daddy went on a Pokémon Journey when he was young too. Ash is confused, then has a momentary burst of clarity and realises what Cilan means. He rushes after Daddy and challenges him to a Pokémon Battle, declaring that if he wins then Bianca gets to continue on her journey. Daddy is quite rightly surprised at this challenge (and threat to his status as Alpha Male Role Model in Bianca's life), and asks Ash what HE gets if he wins? He finds out that Ash is from Pallet Town back in Kanto, and so happily declares that if he beats Ash, then Ash has to promise to return to Pallet Town!

Did we accidentally stumble onto the LAST episode of Pokémon!?!

Ash is horrified, but Daddy does point out that if Ash is confident in his abilities then this shouldn't be a problem. Ash is sweating but he agrees to the deal, horrifying Bianca, watching sadly as they shake on it "man to man". I wonder if she's sad because she doesn't want to be responsible for Ash's dream dying, or sad because two men are deciding HER fate like she was a toy or an object or a baby.

Elesa agrees to referee the match, and they head back inside the Gym where Daddy (whose closed eyes make him look like a distant relative of Brock's) tells him he has a lot of guts challenging HIM to a Pokémon Battle.... because he is THE RED METEOR!



So not only does he ALWAYS wear his old journey clothes under his suit, he's had them tailored over the years to keep up with his weight? JUST IN CASE!?!

He sends in his first Pokémon - Darmanitan - while a sweating Iris and Cilan watch Ash's bizarre opponent reveal himself. Oshawott leaps out eager to fight and the battle begins... with Oshawott taking a direct blast of Flamethrower right from the start. Darmanitan easily dodges Water Gun and intercepts an attempted Tackle with a Fire Punch, then darts aside from Shell Blades and tries another Fire Punch on Aqua Jet.... but Oshawott has a different Aqua Jet to most, and slips aside and crashes into Darmanitan's back. Iris and Cilan are pleased, but Bianca knows her Daddy and seems more concerned for Ash.

Indeed, the attack seems to have just fired up Darmanitan, which smashes Oshawott about and aside. Oshawott staggers back to its feet, but then Bianca rushes forward and pleads with Ash to call off the battle, horrified that if he loses then he'll be forced to give up HIS dreams too. She'll keep her promise and return home with Daddy... but Ash isn't hearing any of it. While he was easily sidetracked in a conversation earlier, now this is about battling, and when it comes to battling Ash refuses to just give up.

Daddy (whose scarf ends are apparently so heavily starched they just stick up in mid-air constantly) asks Ash why he is risking so much to have a battle for Bianca. As a total stranger it shouldn't matter to him whether Bianca gives up on her dreams or not. But Ash says he's wrong, Bianca is a good friend and even though they don't always travel everywhere together, they meet up frequently and enter tournaments together. Cilan and Iris speak up too, saying that they've slept together.... under the same night sky! They've camped out, eaten from the same spot, walked the same ground, felt the same wind through their hair and drunk water from the same waterfall. They're her friends and she is theirs.

Daddy smirks (he was really just fishing around to see if one of them was porking his little girl) and says that it is time for them to finish this. Ash nods and sends in Oshawott with Aqua Jet against Darmanitan's Flair Blitz, and they crash headlong into each other, explode and the smoke clears to reveal... Darmanitan is still standing and Oshawott is unconscious!

Ash has to go home and cry into momma's lap!

Iris ponders out loud if this means that Ash done just fucked up his entire life and he roars at her to shut up. But Daddy says there is no need for that, his battle with Ash has reminded him that while a Pokémon Journey is fraught with danger, there are also plenty of good times too. He wants Ash to continue on and grow stronger as a trainer... and he wants the same for Bianca too!

Bianca squeals happily and hugs her Daddy, he is the most important and favourite man in her life again (which is what he seemed to be gunning for all along) and promises him she will get stronger and better. Suddenly she gasps that she was supposed to be heading for Desert Resort (what about a Gym Rematch!?!) and wiggles away with glee.... then wiggles back to happily thank her father before wiggling away again. He laughs and says she is ALWAYS like that, which was one of the reasons he was worried about her. The twerps notice that she left her bag in the corner and a frantic Daddy grabs it and rushes away to find her and give it back to her.

Having just witnessed Ash lose to a fat middle aged man in a starched scarf, Elesa saunters up and tells Ash he can have his battle tomorrow (I don't think she's particularly concerned!), then saunters away in a fashion model walk that is completely lost on Ash. He could care less about the wiggle of her hips, Bianca's daddy issues or the price of corn. Because thankfully, after 14 seasons and one episode, his journey is STILL....

Previous Episode Next Episode Episode List