ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
017: Island of the Giant Pokémon	017: Kyodai Pokémon no Shima!?	All Cute, All The Time			The Pokemon end up fending for themselves	They have the only bad Pokemon in the world?	Communism simply does NOT work!

After Ash and friends (and enemies!) were sent spinning off following the gay-bashing on James from the bigoted Gyarados (just kidding! It was actually a perfectly justified response to animal abuse!), Ash, Misty and Brock find themselves on the beach. But it isn't a happy; relaxing vacation they're on, but a crash landing following their escape from a sunken ship. Ash tries to wake Misty, shaking her shoulder, then snap at poor Brock to get the fuck up. Ash realises that all but two of his Pokémon are missing (by a stroke of luck.... or bad writing, the two Pokémon remaining are the ones that can fly!) and immediately goes into a panic.

Meanwhile, a horny young Krabby has spotted two of the finest examples of asses to be found on any beach anywhere in the world. Yes, our beloved Jesse and James are buried head-first in the sand, their fine, toned rear-ends exposed. The poor Krabby is spoilt for choice! Which fine piece of ass-meat does it grab first? Oh decisions, decisions! It taps first Jesse, then James, then realises there is no need to make such a choice, and cups both their thighs lovingly. Immediately J & J emerge from the sand with a cry (James' is more high pitched than Jesse's!) and crash to the sand as the sexually harassing crustacean beats a hasty retreat, foaming at the mouth like the sick pervert it is.

Jesse and James have landed on their knees, and stare at each other in surprise... could it be, does this mean.... yes! They've survived again! They hug and cheer in victory, proclaiming themselves the completely invincible, unbeatable Team Rocket... till they realise that Meowth isn't with them, he's missing! That's not all that is missing, either, it seems the Pokéball with the Ekans Jesse got for her birthday last year is gone, while James has lost the Koffing he got for Christmas. Jesse drops to her knees and dramatically lets sand spill through her fingers to indicate time is running out for both of them. James takes out his purse (!) and it's empty, but then he spots a nearby telephone booth, and they realise they can call for help... except they don't have any change!

Pikachu is also wandering the beach, and comes across Ash's balls. You know exactly what I mean, and so does Pikachu, which taps each Pokéball and releases Charmander, Squirtle and Bulbasaur. Pikachu asks if they're all right, and... we get Poké-Subtitles!

Realising they don't know where they are, Pikachu spots a local Slowpoke and he and Charmander try and get its attention, but it doesn't do anything, not even blink. Then it stands up and slowly places its tail into the water, perplexing Pikachu and Charmander while Bulbasaur and Squirtle just chill out catching some rays.

Later that night, Pikachu wanders where Ash and 'those guys' are, and Squirtle claims they may have been eaten by wild Pokémon. Obviously this distresses Pikachu and Charmander, and they start yelling at Squirtle as Bulbasaur pipes in that Ash has probably abandoned them. This raises the ire of the other three Pokémon who know that, for all his faults, Ash wouldn't just abandon his Pokémon. Give them away to people he's barely met, sure, but abandon them? No way!

Watching from the darkness is the sinister form of Meowth, Ekans and (not so much sinister as delighted!) Koffing. Meowth is ecstatic, knowing he can finally get his revenge on the lone Pokémon for all the beatings he has taken in the past. He leaps out dramatically and declares,"Team Rocket blasts off at da speed of light, surrender now or prepare ta fight!"

Seeing it's only Meowth, the Pokémon relax and turn away, after all, he's no danger, Jesse is the real Team leader and everyone knows it! Meowth falls over in shock, unable to believe that the Team Rocket motto has lost its impact. He demands that Ekans and Koffing, who are sitting totally motionless behind him, rush out and attack... but they do nothing!

"You not master," replies Ekans with a sibilant hiss.
"Koffing, Koffing (not master)" agrees Koffing, enraptured in the state of just being.
Ekans will only obey its master (followed by an airbrushed image of a happy Jesse giving the peace sign) and Koffing agrees, proclaiming Koffing, Koffing! as it sees an image of James also giving the V for Victory symbol.




Meowth is shocked, how can they follow Jesse and James over the wonder that is himself! He is twice as smart as the Two Watt Lightbulbs they call Masters! Which makes him... a 4 watt lightbulb?

"Master is master," hisses Ekans.
"Koffing, Koffing! (yes, yes)" agrees Koffing.
Meowth tries to create a Communist Uprising by telling them that they're all bad guys and don't need masters to tell them what to do. Ekans disagrees, claiming that Pokémon aren't bad guys.
"Koffing! (that's right)" agrees Koffing.
"Dere's no such ting as a bad Pokémon?" asks Meowth in shock. Ekans patiently explains, Pokémon may do bad things, but only because their master is bad. Meowth can't believe it, his "master" is never around and he always acts like a rat! What can that mean?

Before the Commie Scratch-Cat can ponder the deeper meaning of his own inner turmoil, Squirtle steps forth angrily and he and the other Pokémon ask him if he's willing to go one on four.

Ahhhh, bullying, always a sure way to defeat Communism!

Meowth cries for help from Ekans and Koffing, but Koffing is busy taking tea, while Koffing happily sits across the table watching him. Meowth collapses in despair, knowing his Worker's Paradise will never come about with such Isolationist tactics. He settles down and like ol' Mother Russia tries to convince himself it was a draw.

The next we see, the Pokémon are sitting around the campfire enjoying some roasted apples. Pikachu asks what Koffing and Ekans were doing. "Looking for Masters," explains Ekans.
"Koffing! (Masters gone)" sobs Koffing with a huge grin.
Squirtle and Charmander commiserate, but tough-guy-loner-plays by-his-own-set-of-rules-but-gets-the-job-done Bulbasaur coolly proclaims that they were abandoned. This even cracks the smile of Koffing, who casts his eyes nervously over at Ekans. Abandoned? they ponder, Then maybe they were abandoned too? Pikachu and Charmander, however, are adamant that they haven't been abandoned at all.

Meowth pipes in here, it seems he's been tied up and made to watch the others stuff their faces. He begs to be let down, but Squirtle wants to rub his face in it first. Meowth demands to be let down, but before anything can happen the ground shakes and a giant Rhyhorn of all things appears, standing close to a hundred feet tall. The Pokémon cheese it, Meowth screaming to be set free before he discovers that Pikachu is already untying him. He declares he totally could have gotten out himself and then legs it as well, leaving Pikachu to wonder just where Ash could be.

Shitting his pants, that's where!

An incredibly massive Zapdos is flying above, causing Ash, Brock and Misty to drop to the ground in terror. It flies on overhead and the startled trio look up, confused as to its type, origin and the explanation behind its size. Ash hopes that wherever his Pokémon are, that they're sticking together and looking after each other. At Brock's insistence they all set about to look for a place to crash for the night.

Meanwhile, a terrified Jesse and James are running Scooby-Doo fashion away from a giant Moltres, which blasts flames in all directions. They slam into a wooden sign saying 'Keep Out' and collapse to the ground.

"It's a good thing we hid behind this sign," groans a dizzy Jesse.
"Yeah, maybe our luck is changing," proclaims James.
"It's a good sign," both mutter, before passing out.


The lost Pokémon, meanwhile, are having a tearful open stove dinner at what appears to be a little Slowpoke run restaurant in the middle of the island because hey why not!?! Koffing is in tears, yet trooper that he is, he's still smiling! Beside him Ekans is distraught and Pikachu is trying to placate him, while Charmander eats away with one nervous eye on Ekans. A clearly drunken Bulbasaur has gotten angry at some remark Squirtle has made and the turtle is trying to calm the angry Rebel down. Meowth is asleep, and Slowpoke is the cook? In the Japanese version, the Pokémon actually get into drunken conversations but these were not translated for the American audiences. We can only assume they ended with somebody telling somebody else that they loved him, man, and how he totally doesn't mean it in a weird way.

They awake the next morning, all nestled happily in the coils of Ekans, only Meowth sleeping outside the comfort zone. Ash also awakens and decides it time to find Pikachu, while Brock and Misty pack their gear up. Beneath the Keep Out sign, Jesse and James wake up, realise it's morning, cast their gaze about, and instantly begin running for cover once again - love that Jesse & James!

"Pardon me, but where are we running?" asks James.
Jesse has decided to make a call, but James can't see any way past the problems of having no money. Jesse, however, knows there is one call they can always make, and puts through a collect call to their boss, terrifying James.

Answering the phone, He wants to know why they're bothering him so early in the morning (even though he's in his suit!). Jesse and James however, rather than actually tell their boss their predicament, decide to go over all dramatic!

"Prepare for trouble!" cries Jesse, her voice and the motto music both tinny through the phone-line.
"Yes, and make it double!" says James, his sense of drama overriding his fear of.... THE BOSS!
"To protect the world from devastation!"
"To unite all peoples within our nation!"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"
"Jesse!"
"James!"
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light!"
"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"
"NITWITS!" snaps the Boss, "HOW DARE YOU ANNOY ME WITH YOUR NONSENSE! NEVER EVER BOTHER ME LIKE THIS AGAIN!"

And with that, he hangs up!

The phone hasn't helped, but it has given Jesse an idea. Grabbing the phone cable, she and James beginning tugging on the long tube (GET YA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA!) hoping that it'll lead them back to the Phone Company, who'll then help them off The Island! It also doubles as cover, since they're remaining inside the actual Phone Booth!

Love that Jesse & James!

So everybody is out and about - the Pokémon are on a walk, all of them looking for their Masters as Koffing suffers an uncharacteristic depression. Ash, Misty and Brock are on a walk, all of them looking for Ash's Pokémon. Jesse and James are determinedly pulling themselves along in the phone booth, looking for freedom and safety. They pause in shock as they see, coming over the next rise, Pikachu! They can't believe their luck, and Pikachu doesn't even seem to see them coming, they can ambush it!

"Come to us, Pikachu!" they cry evilly as they leap out of the Phone Booth with cable in hand. Pikachu ignores them, walking on and on, getting bigger and bigger.... and BIGGER!

"It's Big-Achu!" cry Jesse and James as the towering yellow rodent lowers a massive paw towards them. They dive for cover as it smashes the phone booth and continues onwards on its monstrous path of destruction.

Ash, Brock and Misty meanwhile are being menaced by a gigantic Charizard, which blasts at them with its flame-thrower. The Pokémon, meanwhile, have come across a Giant Blastoise, and with great reluctance Squirtle is convinced to go and have a chat with it.

"Yo!" cries Squirtle,"Brother!"
The Blastoise turns a darkly curious gaze on its minuscule relation, and the Pokémon’s faces fall. "Let's see, uh... sure is nice weather isn't it?" offers Squirtle lamely.

Blastoise fires it's hydro-cannons at them, and they rush off in terror, almost being crushed by a giant Venusaur in the process. Squirtle tries to convince Bulbasaur to talk to it, but the Grass Type hides it's fear by claiming it has no family, think of it as an orphan!

"Good point," the translation for Charmander says here, although I think the literal translation is,"Chickenshit."
"Coward," agrees Squirtle.
Jesse and James (still holding the phone cable!) are running in terror from a Giant Kabutops and spot a railway cart. They leap in, then pull the brake to set them going... backwards!?! Yep, they're heading right for the bloody thing, and they scream in terror as the phone cable wraps about the Kabutops leg and drags it along after them. Knowing they have to do something, they grab the brake together and on the count of three pull it, causing the Cart to go.... faster! Yes, they've broken the brake!

Ash and Co. are still running, and come across the jumbo sized Pikachu. The tremors of the approaching railway cart and trailing Kabutops crash the over-hang they're standing on and the Trio fall into the cart, right on top of Jesse and James. Thinking they have them at last, J & J demand that Ash hand over Pikachu, and turn to see the smiling face of Big-Achu behind them, caught up by Kabutops and that phone cable! Misty spots all their Pokémon running some distance away from the runaway-cart, chased by a giant Charizard and Blastoise... and Koffing still looks extremely happy!

Misty (who has great vision, doesn't she!) spots a loop in the track ahead... which makes no goddamn sense, who the hell puts a loop in a railway track!?!
"Prepare for big trouble!" gasps a shocked James.
"Make it double.... and I can't stand roller-coasters!" moans an almost paralysed Jesse.
There's nothing they can do to stop it, however, and the cart zooms around the loop, which luckily gives the Pokémon time to catch up to the cart. The Pokémon leap in, Squirtle landing in Misty's arms, Bulbasaur and Charmander in Brocks. Ekans' falls into the arms of the dazed and confused Jesse, while Koffing grins with love and affection at his extremely pleased Master, James.

Pikachu kind of floats in the air a bit before finally landing in Ash's arms. But isn't somebody still missing? Nope, because Meowth is there too, who reunites with Jesse and James with a terrible quip which he must be PUN-Ished for,"I CAT-apulted."

Troubles aren't over, though, the cable has hooked Blastoise, Charizard, Venusaur, Pikachu and Kabutops and Misty screams out that they're after them. Ash prays for a bit of good luck, while a now accepting James mutters with a sigh that with their luck, the cable should snap.
"That should happen about...." starts Jesse,"Now."
The Cable breaks.
"Ahhhh," moans Jesse low in her throat, whether with content or bare-faced, white knuckled terror it's hard to say.
"Next we'll be hurled into the air," continues James.
They're hurled into the air.
"Then we'll probably crash into something," finishes Meowth.
And they do, smashing right through the mechanical Zapdos, leaving trails of not blood and guts but nuts, bolts and wires.
"That was a mechanical Pokémon!" gasps Brock, as Zapdos smashes into the finally halted Giant Pokémon below, making them explode.
"And then finally..." adds James.
"We hit the water," finishes Jesse.
The cart splashes into the water, and moments later a Gyarados head appears, or rather a painted affectation of one on the figure-head of a Tourist Boat.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Pokémon land, here you'll see various Pokémon at over ten times their natural size," says The Tourist Announcer aboard the ship,"Of course, the Pokémon are all mechanical, so don't worry, it's very safe. Now, if you'll look to your left.... huh!"



"We apologise, ladies and gentlemen, but our giant Pokémon are temporarily out of order," giggles the professional Announcer, keeping her cool at all times. Meanwhile back in his home, the Boss gets yet another call from the island, discovering that the tourist attraction he poured millions into has been totally destroyed! Not a good day for the Boss!

Obviously picked up by the Tourist Ship, Ash, Misty, Brock and Pikachu finally find themselves back in civilization. They're arrived at the holiday destination of Porta Vista, and charge down in excitement towards the blue surf and white sand!

Apparently no thought whatsoever is given to contacting Officer Jenny back in Vermillion City to let her know they didn't actually die on the St. Anne, or to call their respective families and inform them they're not bloated, fish-nibbled corpses at the bottom of an eternally dark watery abyss! Nope, they just wanna get down to that beach, which you can read all about next episode guide even though it took them close to two years to actually get down there!

The explanation for that comes next time, but for now you'll be left with another mystery. The Slowpoke seen earlier is still on the island, still dangling its tail into the sea. A Shellder latches onto the tail of the Slowpoke, which technically evolves, the added weight allowing it to stand on its hind legs and declare happily and enigmatically,".... Slowbro!"

Some mysteries weren't meant to be solved!

BEST QUOTES

"Yo brother.... let's see, uh... sure is nice weather isn't it?"

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