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013: Mystery at the Lighthouse    013: Masaki no Todai    Bill - The Pokevestite                 The twerps end up in a lighthouse and meet a giant Pokémon   Ruining everybody's good time    Find somewhere isolated to practise your kink   


Today finds the kids wandering about in the forest, apparently completely lost and Misty and Brock blaming him for getting them lost. The fact that Ash of all people is the one they're looking to for guidance says a lot about their own intelligence. The narrator explains that Ash has two gym badges and six Pokémon now, and they all interact with the narrator, apparently able to hear him and talk back. A proud Ash is happy to show off his two badges, but Misty tells him he didn't really EARN them, he got them because Brock and her sister felt bad for him. Brock quickly defuses an explosive situation and tells Misty that the important thing is that he DOES have two badges, and six Pokémon. What are those Pokémon? In case we all forgot, we get to see a line-up of the various creatures in the order they were captured/chose to come along - Pikachu, Pidgeotto, Butterfree (ugh), Bulbasaur (yay!), Charmander and Squirtle.

Misty again shuts Ash down when he tries to brag, saying he didn't really capture any of them, they all chose to follow him. Brock joins in on destroying Ash's ego, agreeing with Misty that Ash is "lucky" his Pokémon chose to follow him, and the Pokémon join in with nods as he and Misty further elaborate that most other trainers would have 10-20 Pokémon by now and they would have captured them all by themselves. Ash roars that he'll prove to them that he can catch a Pokémon fair and square, and rushes off ahead like an over-excited toddler.



He rushes uphill and leaves the forest, finding himself at a beach as the sun sets. He looks around for Pokémon, muttering that he didn't come to watch the sun set, and then a tiny little crab comes scuttling by, passing between his legs. He bends over and looks between his own legs, telling the Pokémon to wait up. He checks it with his Pokédex and learns that it is a Krabby - and while a Pokémon is a Pokémon, he's a bit disappointed at how small it is. It starts to foam at the mouth and he starts to apologise for insulting it, but it clamps down on his finger with a pincer and shows him that it can still bring the pain. He leaps away in pain and eyes it up, then grabs a small stick and launches himself at it, ready to straight up fight the little crab all by himself. The Krabby slices up the stick with its pincer, but then Ash whips out a Pokéball and throws it, and Krabby is... Krabby is.... Krabby is caught! Ash caught a Pokémon all by himself! Legit! He lifts the Pokéball up and poses bravely, but then squawks in alarm as the ball begins to spark and glow bright. The light shines brighter and brighter and then to his horror it disappears - the Pokéball is gone!

What happened to it? The answer comes from Misty and Brock who have finally caught up to him. They explain to him (and the kids watching at home) that he can only have six Pokémon with him at a time, and if he wants to switch between Pokémon then he'll have to push a button on his Pokédex to let the system know. That's all well and good, but WHERE has Krabby gone? They explain that it will have been stored in a safe location from wherever he originally got his Pokédex. That means that Krabby must be at Professor Oak's, and Ash has the most fleeting fantasy of a mean looking Professor Oak opening a bag of noodles before it cuts back to Ash saying he's worried. I guess the implication was that Oak was planning on eating Krabby, but it was cut so quickly you get the impression that something more was edited out.

Ash wants to make absolutely sure that Krabby is okay, and Brock says they could use a phone to call Oak... but they haven't passed one all day. Misty points out that she just wants to sleep inside for a change, she's tired of being outside in a sleeping bag at night. Pikachu gets their attention; he's spotted a lighthouse up on a cliff overlooking the beach. Excited, they all rush up to the increasingly spooky looking lighthouse as it gets darker, and find themselves staring at strange heavy doors with carvings of Pokémon in them. They ring the doorbell and bunch up together in fright at the sound, and then a weak, faux-British voice emerges from the intercom asking who is there. Ash tells him they're hoping to use the phone, Misty chiming in that they wouldn't mind staying the night and sleeping in a bed, and Brock speaks up to say he'd like to use the kitchen to make some double bacon cheeseburgers so they could all be fat assholes. The man asks if he can cook without tofu, and Brock eagerly agrees that he can cook LOTS of things without tofu, and the voice explains that his cook is on vacation and he's been surviving on nothing but tofu since.

The doors open and they head inside, the lighthouse feeling more like a large mansion that just happens to have a tower with a big light in it. It's dark in the foyer, and there is no sign of their host. Ash asks if he can use the phone and the voice emerges from somewhere to tell him that there's a phone just to his side. He turns and sees a videophone with a Weepinbell style receiver. He picks it up and dials Professor Oak, and just as in his fantasy Oak appears on the screen with a bowl of what appears to be noodles. Ash freaks out and straight up asks him if he ate his Krabby, and Oak laughs and says no, he's making tofu because his cook is on vacation.

Do all cooks in Kanto go on vacation at the same time?


He shows Ash his Krabby to calm the little retard down, it's in a little jar with a stamp sized photograph of Ash on the glass. Oak laughs that he wouldn't get much of a meal from such a small Pokémon anyway, and points out that compared to Gary's, it's tiny. Ash is horrified, Gary caught a Krabby too? Indeed he did, and it's in a jar next to Ash's... and it's huge! Oak happily tells him that Gary has already caught 45 Pokémon, horrifying Ash even further, then asks where Ash is calling from. Ash says he is a lighthouse, and Oak declares this could ONLY be Bill's lighthouse, because apparently there is only one lighthouse in all of Kanto. Bill speaks up at this, saying hello to Oak who tells the kids that Bill is a Pokémon Researcher who knows even more about Pokémon than he does... and he's the Pokémon Professor! He asks Bill to give the kids a lesson about Pokémon, and then the call is over. Bill turns the lights on at last, and says hello to the kids from his ridiculous and badly designed chair elevated high at the top of some steps... and he's a Pokémon!?! The kids are horrified, as you might expect, but it turns out the terrifying looking giant trilobite menacingly clicking its front limbs together.

Meanwhile across the way from the lighthouse, Team Rocket are using binoculars to check it out. Jesse apparently looked it up in the phonebook and found out that it belongs to Bill. Since Bill is such an uncommon and rarely used name, they figure it MUST be Bill the Pokémon Researcher, and that makes it a target. There must be "zillions" of rare Pokémon inside the lighthouse, and they mean to capture them all. There are two potential entry points to the lighthouse they can take - one is the direct path up the road to the lighthouse, and the other is the stupidly dangerous path of sneaking up the wet, slick rocks of the cliff the lighthouse is sitting on. Of course they decide to go the crazy, dangerous way, because they're bad guys, and bad guys always go the sneaky route!

"We're back to back so prepare for trouble, watch your step or we'll make it double!" they say, dressed up in theatrical robes while posing in a spotlight.
"To protect the world from devastation!"
"To unite all peoples within our nation!"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"
"Jesse!"
"James!"
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light!"
"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"
"Meowth dat's right!"

Bravely they proclaim that they'll do things the hard way, because that way they'll become hardened criminals! The only problem is.... they're afraid of heights!

Inside the lighthouse, the kids are still cowered in fear from the giant trilobite, which Brock identifies as a Kabuto - but Kabuto are extinct! He wonders what it is doing there (and existing!), and a confused Ash asking the talking Pokémon if it is a Pokémon or a human. Bill insists that he's a human, and this is a costume, but he's stuck inside of it because the button that opens it all up isn't reachable by the little clublike Kabuto arms.... which is a pretty significant design flaw! Ash pushes the button and the costume falls apart, revealing a short green-haired young man in what appears to be a crushed velvet suit and a cravat. They ask if he was going to a costume party and he rather timidly says no... it was for his research.

Yeah Bill, surrrrre! You got dressed up like a Pokémon in your lonely, isolated and private lighthouse for research.


He says that getting inside its skin helps him get inside its head, and explains that his research involves extinct Pokémon - and since there aren't any around, this is the best way he can figure out what makes them tick. He informs them the world is exactly 4.6 billion years old, and there have been many, many Pokémon that have existed. Why on this planet alone there are 150! But there are also many more that have never been discovered (until Nintendo brings out a new game!) and as a Pokémon Trainer, Ash has the wonderful task of capturing as many as he can. In fact, you might say that.... hehehe, wait till you get a load of this.... that he's GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Eh? Eh? EH!?!



This is a face that just inspires confidence, isn't it.


Bill tells Ash that nobody really knows exactly how many Pokémon there will be till Nintendo stops seeing the franchise as a profitable. He then happily declares that there is a meaning for all Pokémon, just like there is a meaning for all of them as people. His words are mirrored by Jesse as she and the rest of Team Rocket clamber up the slick rocks, Jesse demanding to know what the meaning of it all is, and James saying that their meaning is to steal other people's Pokémon. For Meowth, the only meaning to life is that he gets his share, and as far as philosophies go - that one is pretty accurate for a cat. Bill is still going on about it up in the lighthouse, telling the kids that at the moment his meaning is in his search for one particular Pokémon. It's the biggest of them all, it's been everywhere, there is only one of it, and nobody has ever seen it and yet somehow they KNOW that it exists.

....it it.... is it God?


He explains that this unseen, unknown, unidentified Pokémon is the last of its species, and it is in search of others of its kind. He sure seems to know a lot about this thing nobody has ever seen or met or observed. Heard? Well it seems that yes at least one person has heard of it, and that's Bill. Once he heard a noise that hadn't been made by any other Pokémon, a sound that he was sure meant it was a cry of loneliness and longing for friendship. He heard a similar sound another time and recorded it, and now he plays it back from his lighthouse, hoping it is sending out a similar message that he wants to meet it too. By a remarkable stroke of luck, the noise is repeated now from out in the ocean, and they realise the Pokémon is coming - one larger than any that has ever been seen. Bill switches on the recorded sound and changes the light shining from the lighthouse to different colours, while Brock asks a delighted Misty to dance.

Meanwhile the Pokémon lumbers forward towards the lighthouse, a massive shadowy form that appears to be a gigantic version of a Dragonite. But as it approaches, it is spotted by Team Rocket and Jesse immediately spots that this IS a Pokémon they should be trying to capture. James whips out a bazooka (from where!?!) but pauses momentarily to ask if they should really be blasting at something that sounds so sweet and forlorn.... of course they should, they're the bad guys, after all!

The massive Pokémon is blasted several times and roars out in alarm at what it perceives to be a betrayal. It smashes the top of the lighthouse tower, and the kids and Bill run in fright, leaving the lighthouse. Bill shouts out to it, begging it to listen, he didn't attack it, he wants to be friends. It shakes its head though, not believing him, while down on the rocks Jesse also has a bazooka and has joined in James in shooting at the monstrous giant. James shouts that even he thinks their current actions are rotten, but Jesse tells him to quit complaining, they could score big. But then the massive tail raises out of the water and bats at them, sending them blasting off again and disappearing into the dark night sky. Bill cries out after the Pokémon as it turns to leave, but it pays him no attention, wading back out into the water - still alone.

The sun rises to find Team Rocket recovering on the beach, trying to figure out what hit them. Jesse says this was exactly the type of Pokémon they need to capture, and they all vow to keep dreaming, and when their dreams come true, it will be somebody else's nightmare.

Up by the lighthouse, the kids are talking about their ways to bring humans and Pokémon together, which coincidentally all match up to their own personal favourite methods of interaction - training, fighting, raising, and playing with them. Bill is no exception, he plans to continue searching for the giant Pokémon that now probably thinks he's some asshole that was trying to kill it. Ash asks if they'll EVER catch all the Pokémon there are, and Bill tells him no - it's likely they'll never know EVERYTHING about Pokémon, or even how many there are. He tells Ash that despite the fact they're a researcher and a trainer respectively, they're not so different.

Well, only one of them gets his kicks from dressing up like extinct Pokémon.

Ash seems to take some kind of renewed sense of purpose from these words, even though they never really got across any kind of crisis of confidence before this. True, Ash did seem concerned that he had only caught 7 Pokémon compared to Gary's 40+, and disgruntled at the suggestion that his two badges weren't really earned - but did anybody really get any sense that only 13 episodes into the series the main character was getting second thoughts about his role in life? In any case, the episode ends with them heading away waving goodbye to Bill, leaving him to his isolated life - free to search for the giant Pokémon and dress up as extinct Pokémon whenever he wants, at least until his cook gets back.

BEST QUOTES

"So sizes DOES matter!"





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