ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
009: The School of Hard Knocks	009: Pokémon Hisshou Manyuaru	Ash vs. Bitchzilla			The twerps encounter a school, which is a place they should be!	Pretty pathetic	Girls can be real bitches

We join the kids travelling through yet another forest, this one foggy and shrouded in mystery. The Narrator assures us that they're moving along in perfect harmony. Cue Ironic Dialogue.

"I'm not letting you out of my sight, Ash Ketchum!" Misty growls menacingly at Ash as the trio crest a hill, "Until you pay for my broken bike."
As we cut to a side-long shot of the kids travelling along - a strutting Brock leading with Misty following and Ash and Pikachu bringing up the rear - a large profile image of Ash slams out of the right corner while Pikachu smiles happily at the audience.
"My bike! MY BIKE! That's all I ever hear from you!"
Misty retaliates by shooting out of the left, again with Pikachu smiling happily at the audience, "RIGHT! And my name might be Misty but I'm perfectly clear about what you owe me and you're not going to get away without paying!"
For some reason she's glowing white as she says this, which prompts Brock's face to pop into shot upside down from above.
"Maybe if you two would spend less time arguing and paid more attention to where we're going, we'd already be in Vermilion City by now. Come on, we're all ready late, we've got to start the show!"
"Chuuuuuu!" smiles Pikachu, popping up from below shot, waving happily at the audience.



LSD and Script-writing, a heady combination indeed.

Apparently Brock's been on a little something of his own, as he suddenly has a huge burst of energy and crouches down, throwing stuff out of his backpack with reckless abandon. A table, chairs, table cloth, plates, cups, an alarm clock, food and finally a blender makes it's way out of his alarmingly spacious backpack.... which may explain his broad shoulders.
"Ahhhhhhhhh," he sighs happily as Ash and Misty stare on in shock,"There's nothing as satisfying as a cup of 100% Cerulean Coffee! You kids are too young for the stuff, but it's really quite good."
"How about some prune juice!" he kindly offers with that well intentioned desperation of all mothers to see their kids eat and drink healthily.
"I.... think I'll pass," moans a sick looking Ash as he stares at the can of prune-juice Brock has slammed onto the table.
"How about some herbal tea!" giggles Misty happily, wanting to play grown-ups.
"You must be kidding," sneers Ash, who demands highly caffeinated, highly sugared, highly liver rotting Coca-Cola or nothing else.
"Not so fast Ash," Brock says with a waggle of his finger, back turned to the kids, "I BROUGHT MY OFFICIAL Pokémon TEA SET!!!"
He twists about to reveal a cheap looking porcelain tea-set with blue patterns of Butterfrees and Raichu's on them.... which apparently is very terrifying indeed as Ash, Misty and Pikachu look on with sweatdrops of terror hanging from the back of their heads.

It gets worse (or more fun perhaps) when he flies into his backpack once more and pulls a massively heavy bottle of springwater from the pack and throws it into camera-shot dramatically, before putting on a horrendous French Accent and mentioning he has French Crepes.
"HAHHHHHHHH!!! I love French things, they're sooooo romantic aren't they!" gasps Misty, blushing furiously as she imagines herself all grown up and sitting stylishly at a little outdoor cafe sipping tea and looking over at the Eiffel Tower. But her sweet dreams of adulthood and maturity are ruined by the loud chomping of Ash as he kneels on the ground, sipping at his drink and sighing with content at being full.

BAM!

Misty slams Ash in his thick forehead with a log, screaming angrily at him, "ALL THAT CRUNCHING IS RUINING MY ROMANTIC DAYDREAM!"
"Ahhh, by the way," interrupts Brock, holding up bowl and beater, stopping Misty from laying the smack down any further on Ash, "I can't cook crepes and I can't boil water if I DON'T HAVE A FIRE!"
"Ohhhm?" ask Ash and Misty together.
"One of you is going to have to go into the forest and carry back some firewood."
"THAT'S AN EXCELLENT IDEA BROCK!" giggles the much smarter Misty, beaming happily at him as a confused Ash looks on, "And I'm willing to sacrifice the excitement of searching for firewood to stay here and keep you company."
"Well I guess that means...." starts Brock, but even Ash gets this one.
"Yeah, I'm going," he sighs, and heads out into the dark foggy forest.
But any marks he gets for figuring out Misty and Brock's line of reasoning is lost as we follow him into the forest with Pikachu, and discover him looking for firewood in a very unorthodox way.
"Here firewood!" he calls hopefully, "Here firewood!" "No firewood here, Pikachu," he tells his unfortunate little friend, then sags over miserably, "Why do I have to do all the dir...."
"Pika-pi-pikachu," interrupts Pikachu, pointing into the distance. Ash looks on in surprise at the bright light that was right in front of him this entire time, "Hey! Looks like a fire."
But this ain't no fire, this is Private School Intitiation gone mad (relax Gentle Dodgers, there'll be no paddling of the swollen ass with paddles here) as we discover a young boy dressed in a suit running on a track machine and going nowhere fast as other, older suited boys surrounding him fire questions at him, all of them holding candles.

"What's the name of this one?" asks one boy, holding up a picture of a Pidgey.
"Is it a Zubat?" the running kid with the horrible hair asks.
"Listen," growls a green haired nasty, "Just because it's foggy out here doesn't mean your brain has to be in a fog."
The boys eyes narrow and he answers again, this time getting it right, but that's not enough to impress his peers who demand he describe it's special attack.
"Pidgey's attack is..... Gust.... at level 5, Sand-Attack.... at level 12...."
But the sadistic students aren't done yet, demanding to know at what level a Pidgey evolves and what the name of it's Evolution is. The boy struggles to remember but is not helped by the threat that the track machine is going to be turned up to a higher speed, and the struggle of thinking and running at the same time becomes too much for him, and he ends up tripping and collapsing to the ground. He weepingly apologises for forgetting but his students are unforgiving, mocking him for daring to think of himself as a Pokémon Tech Student, saying they don't want to study with him. Enter Ash.

He charges in like an angry bull, skidding to a stop and demanding to know exactly what is going on here.... not because he's outraged but because he literally doesn't know what's going on here, he's forgotten why he's angry.
"There's nothing going on here," smiles one of the smooth older students, "Mind your own business, this is a private training session."
They explain that they don't want any losers in their Tech, which is why they're trying to train the kid, because they have to maintain their standards. Ash, however, is of the opinion that if the Tech produces students like them, the standards must be pretty low. Enter Misty.

Her foot stamps down into the foreground and she eagerly encourages her man, telling the other students they'll have to deal with both of them if they don't back off. Ash, furious that Misty is there supporting him (!?!?!?!) tells her to keep out of it. Well, like any good woman, Misty stands by her man and supports him by agreeing to step back and let him fight all five students by himself while she watches.... and hey, she'll be there for him to drag his carcass away when all is said and done.
"Show them you're a man, Ash," she smirks evilly as a nervous Ash realises he's facing off with five bigger, meaner looking kids.... but his woman is watching, what else is a guy to do? Negotiate? Make peace? Be sensible? Don't make us laugh!

Luckily for him, though, the five kids are arrogant chickenshits, and explain that fighting is for cavemen, this isn't the stone-age and they don't want to spoil the reputation of Pokémon Tech. They walk away, telling the kid (Joe) that they'll see him back at the school.... and he eagerly agrees (masochist). Ash, of course, is of the opinion now that he chased all five of them up and demands to know just who they think they are.
"So those are the infamous tech students," mutters Brock, appearing from nowhere mixing his ingredients in his bowl.
"Tech Students?" asks Ash, understandably confused since the students only mentioned the word Tech about 1000 times.
"Pokémon Tech," explains Misty, "I think it's short for Pokémon Technical, a school for Pokémon Trainers.... I know I have a flyer in here somewhere."

She reaches into her pockets and ruffles about until she finds what she was looking for, a flyer advertising The Tech. Ash peers over and pretends he can read, asking why they have a Pokémon School out in the middle of nowhere. Brock rudely pulls the flyer out of Misty's hand and everyone ignores Joe as he reads about the Tech, all while Pikachu displays that fine love for physical comedy that only The French and The Spanish truly understand.
"Pokémon Technical Institute," reads Brock, even though it must have been wet in Misty's shorts (GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA!) considering the smeared and blurred state of the words on the flyer,"A boarding school for serious Pokémon Trainer presentation."

As Brock reads away, Pikachu quizzically looks over the Track Machine, nudging it, sniffing it, then leaping up onto the running belt and leaping high to look at the bright buttons of the controls. It begins gleefully hammering at the controls, which of course sets of the machine and leaves chubby little Pikachu running as fast as it's chubby little legs can pump.
"All students guaranteed to enter into the Pokémon League upon graduation," continues Brock,"Pokémon Technical is the educational facility for exceptional students who want to become Pokémon Trainers in a very short time...."
Brock leans back, accidentally hitting the speed button on the machine and causing Pikachu to trip with a comical look on it's face, crashing it's pudgy little face into the running belt and flying off the machine to crash into the ground.
"....without having to travel on difficult badge collecting journeys."
Pikachu lies on it's back, eyes wide and wobbly.
"Oh," says Brock, "So that's the story."
Ash and Misty continue to ignore Joe, who stands behind them without even the common good sense to look at Misty's ass, while beside the machine poor puffed-out pudgy Pikachu pants pathetically.

"Getting into the Pokémon League without badges is too easy," whines Ash, as Pikachu fixes an angry glare on the machine. "Wait, there's more," Brock tells them as Pikachu angrily kicks the machine and then leaps about in pain, it's soft little foot coming up short against the wonders of modern plastics,"Student's entrance fees and tuition are in keeping with the high standards set by Pokémon Technical."
"You know what that means, don't you," Misty tells Ash, knowing that he doesn't, "It's one of those snobby private schools only millionaire's kids can go to."
Ash, completely unaware that he is in fact the son of a millionaire, goes completely over the top at this, roaring ,"Oooh that really makes me mad? Where is this place anyway?"
"Right over there," Joe tells them, pointing as the fog conveniently rolls away to reveal that they're standing smack dab in the middle of the Quad, and are surrounded on three sides by the school itself. A delightfully inviting cold metallic voice announces over the loudspeaker that todays lesson on battle techniques is over and that tomorrow's will involve snow. Joe sighs, realising that they're going to turn him into a snowman again, prompting the kids to ask if they always treat him like this. Joe races to defend his peers, explaining that they're his friends and help him, and when the others show surprise at this he explains that they've helped him to understand that Pidgey evolves into Pidgeotto at Level 18, it learns Whirlwind at Level 21, Wing Attack at Level 31, and that as it's level rises it learns various tricks. After evolving into Pidgeot it can fly at 1200 metres and speeds of up to Mach 2.

"I don't get it," says Ash, making a statement about life in general, "If you know everything about Pidgey, why didn't you just answer them before?"
Joe explains that he often pretends to not know the answers, because if he gets them all right then he'll just be asked harder and harder questions. He's determined to stay at Pokémon Tech because his parents worked so hard to save enough money to send him there. He points out another student sitting beneath a tree studiously reading a book, he's wearing great googly eyeglasses and has greyish hair with patches of stubble on his chin. He's an Upper Class-Man but still in the beginners group with Joe, because some people are so terrified of being classed as failures that they repeat failed classes over and over again.
"You're a beginner?" asks Ash.
"Beginners have the same qualifications as someone with two badges," Joe casually explains, "The Intermediate Class has the qualifications of four, and Advanced Students have the same as six. If you graduate, you can enter The Pokémon League without travelling around to collect the Badges. That guys a beginner, but he's so much older than every body else in the class the kids don't bother to help him like they help me."
"What do the teachers say about that kind of help?" asks Misty.
"They don't even know about it," Joe tells them, "Or if they do they pretend not to."

GASP! Teachers...... unaware of bullying at school! Thanks goodness that doesn't happen in the real world!

"Well I for one think this is a violation of student's rights that must stop immediately if not sooner!" growls Ash, who may have seen a Che Guevarra poster through one of the Dorm Windows, "I WANT TO MEET THE STUDENT IN CHARGE OF THIS SYSTEM AND I'LL SEE THAT IT STOPS!"
He finishes, a pouty growl on his face as Brock continues to calmly stir his mixture - like a million single mothers suffering through a childs tantrum - and Joe, Misty and Pikachu look on.
"Ahhh," mutters Joe, reaching into his jacket pocket, "Here's a picture."
"It's a girl!" exclaims Misty, staring at photo of a pretty young girl with her back to the camera, face in profile as she chats with a friend.
"Oh yeah," grins Ash goofily, blushing stupidly as he gets it for once in his life, "You're right about that."
"She can violate my rights if...." starts Brock, blushing just as foolishly.
"HEY!" snaps Misty angrily at Joe, "If she's making your life so miserable, how come you're carrying her picture around?"
"I hate the way she treats us," admits Joe pathetically, "But I like the way she looks."

Ain't it true, brother, ain't it true.

"Yeah," sighs Ash ,"Not like some other girls who treat you bad and look even worse......"
"Grrrr," grrrr's Misty, then erupts into huge-headed fury as Ash and Brock do their best Scooby-Doo impersonation, Ash leaping into Brock's arms, "WHY YOU TWO ARE SLOBBERING OVER THAT DOPEY PICTURE I'M GONNA FIND THIS LITTLE WITCH AND STRAIGHTEN HER OUT!"
Angrily she stomps her way towards the main building of the Tech, muttering under her breath, "This top student, what's so great about her?"
"Hey Misty!" gasps Ash, who can't understand what could have possibly put her in such a bad mood, "Wait up!"
As young love travels through it's ups and downs (okay, mainly it's downs) the kids are being watched from afar by who else but, Team Rocket! "That place brings back memories James," whimpers Jesse as Meowth stares with a huge grin through his binoculars. The usually confident and self-assured Jesse is certainly not herself today, she looks miserable and uncertain.... and the same can be said for James.

Yes, our beloved villains both attended Pokémon Tech (we guess James got in because he was rich, but Jesse would have either blackmailed or seduced the Dean to have gotten in, as she was EXTREMELY poor) and spent the night before finals partying hard, then flunked out with the lowest scores ever and ended up in a Bicycle gang before joining up with Team Rocket.
"It certainly does Jesse, and all of them are awful."
"Tell me ya tale of failure again," giggles Meowth, who loves hearing about the misery of his friends.
"We studied for the big test," starts Jesse.
"So sure we would beat all the rest," continues James.
"And heres da part dat I like best!" interjects Meowth.
"We frolicked that night," Jesse remembers, "For our future seemed bright.
"But things weren't right...." sniffs James.
"WE GOT THE LOWEST SCORES IN THE HISTORY OF THE SCHOOL!" they cry together, holding hands, eye wobbling with the remembered misery.
"You should look on da bright side!" grins Meowth.
"What's the bright side?" whisper Jesse and James together, still all wobbly-eyed.
"At least you guys were da top of da bottom," quips Meowth, dressed like Indiana Jones, posing against the backdrop of an ocean with a ship on board, moon in the background with his foot resting on a pillar.
"OOOH you're the tops Meowth!" squeals James as he and Jesse scoop him up and hug him, rubbing their faces against his shocked (but happy) cheeks, "Such a kind little Pokémon!"
"Such a sweet thing to say!" sighs Jesse.
"Ooooh, oooooh cutie!" gasps James..... which is best left to The BlueShippers out there to interpret.
"Dese two are worse off den I thought, I liked dem better when dey were nasty!"

Back in the school, Joe has led the kids to the training room, which looks like a big arcade. He explains that Giselle (the mean girl) always comes here to train alone, and informs them that it doesn't matter if you beat her, because skill is more important than any one victory.

Yeah, yeah that's right, it doesn't matter that you beat me because I got more skill.... yeah, yeah that's it.

"That's what I'm counting on!" cries Ash, reaching into his jacket and rummaging around before pulling out..... his hand? He throws up two fingers and proclaims that he has two badges.... but Joe is completely unimpressed. He explains that as the Top Beginner, Giselle has the qualifications of at least three badges... and in fact as a lowly beginner himself, Joe is more powerful than somebody with two badges. Well as Ash tries to comprehend this unbelievable arrogance, Misty snaps and pushes him out of the way, "Hold on a second! I learned how to be a Pokémon Trainer at the Cerulean City Gym, are you saying you can beat me!?!"
"Ahhh," says Joe,"Cerulean City, Water Pokémon."
"How'd you know?" gasps Misty, surprised.
"I always beat them on the simulator," he explains, turning on one of the arcade machines and defeating a Starmie with a Weepinbell easily, "See."
"What... is this?" grunts Misty,"A simulation is one thing, but this is real life.... let's battle!"
"You'll be sorry," smiles Joe, still arrogantly believing his simulation experience will allow him to win.

Outside the building, Jesse and James clamber up a tree to look through the window at what's going on inside. They spot Misty and Joe getting ready to square off while Ash does what he does best, whine. "What do you two have to battle for?" he complains.
"Butt out, Ash!" she growls, her reputation and self-esteem on the line, "I have the Cerulean City Gym's reputation to defend, and I'm gonna defend it! Misty calls.... STARMIE!"
Starmie pops out but Joe in unconcerned, knowing that a Water Pokémon can't defeat a Plant-Type, so he calls out Weepinbell..... who proceeds to get knocked out by one Water Gun Attack.

Congratulations Joe, you one hit wonder.

"Oooh... but Weepinbell is strong against Water Pokémon!" gasps Joe in shock.
"True, but there's one thing you didn't know," says a sweet voice as the camera pans up the body of a young lady in a tight little school uniform, "Your opponent's from the Cerulean City Gym, her Pokémon has much more experience battling... you should have known that, you're an embarrassment to the whole school."

What a bitch!

"But... Giselle," gasps Joe as the kids who were taunting him earlier step up behind Giselle.
"She's really pretty," gushes Ash, blushing madly with great big eyes.
"Yeah," gushes Brock right back, blushing as well but powerless to open those squinty myopic eyes of his, "She looks just like a movie star."
"They like stars do they?" growls Misty in her head, glaring at them out of the corner of her eye as an eyebrow twitches angrily, "I'll be glad to show them some stars."
"I'm the top student in the beginning class of the most exclusive prep school in the world," Giselle whispers, hair blowing in the wind against a backdrop of stars. She drops to her knees and (GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA!) and clasps her hands together almost in prayer, "Pokémon Tech, It's sad that others aren't blessed with my beauty, my talent, my humble attitude."
She poses against the backdrop of a green milky way, "...people call me a star, but I'm just Giselle!"
"I think she's more conceited than us," mutters a surprised Jesse, who has been watching through the window with James.
"Yes," grins James, his eyes becoming big and feminine with girlish eyebrows which he bats delightfully, "But's she awfully cute, isn't she!"

Poor James, he wants to be as cute as Giselle!

"Not as cute as Meowth!" giggles Meowth, irritating his two companions who slap and chop him before punching him through the air and sending him blasting off alone.
"I want to continue to help my classmates be the very best they can be," Giselle tells Joe back inside the building, "To teach each other, respect each other, and ensure the Pokémon of tomorrow.... BUT YOU'RE A WEAKLING!"

What a bitch!

"Uhhhh," gasps Joe.
"You better get stronger fast, or before you know it your fellow students will turn their backs on you.... for good!"
She twists about in slow-mo and walks away as a staggered Joe stands locked in place, edgy blue background about them all.
"Not so fast!" cries Misty, "A true friend wouldn't walk away from someone who needs their help.... you may look beautiful, but you remind me of an old saying about how beauty's only skin-deep."
"Aheh," giggles Giselle, "Jealously isn't very pretty either, is it."
"I better do something!" gasps Ash to Brock, while Pikachu looks on in confusion at all this nonsense.
Momma Brock offers some sage advice, whispering in Ash's ear,"Wise Pokémon Trainers never get involved in a cat-fight."
"Huh?" asks Ash, not getting it as usual. Giselle grabs a Pokéball from a nearby rack and calls out, of all things, Graveller. This is very surprising, obviously, because a Rock-Type is weak against a Water Type, but Giselle explains that her Graveller is of such an advanced level that it will be able to defeat Misty. And defeat it does, launching through the air and nearly landing on Starmie, which dodges just in time before firing a Water Gun Attack that Graveller rolls through, smashing into Starmie, smashing it's jewel and sending it flying out the window to crash into the pool.
".........." says Misty, standing in shock and staring out of the broken window at the pool, defeated almost as fast she defeated Joe.

Outside, she hugs her damaged Starmie close to her as a bitchy Giselle offers to continue the battle, saying that now they're by the pool Misty is free to choose another Water Pokémon.
"Oh and I'm sure you'll chose another Pokémon that's weak against water!" growls Misty angrily.
"Pokémon are only as strong as the Trainer who raises them," grins Giselle, her groupies behind her, "A Pokémon that's weaker but better trained can still win..... it depends on the Trainer.... I hope you're learning something from this Joe."
"UH!" gasps Joe succinctly.
"A Pokémon's Level of Training is just as important a factor as a Pokémon's Type in deciding a match," she explains to the gormless looking Joe,"A First Class Pokémon Trainer can calculate that."
"WAIT A MINUTE!" snaps Ash, who has grown tired of being polite and listening to this crap,"There's more to Pokémon Training than calculating levels."
"Who are you?" asks Giselle.
"I'm Ash Ketchum from Pallet," he proclaims proudly, then hits her with a fact sure to shock and dismay her, "And I all ready have two Badges!"
"Aha," giggles Giselle arrogantly, "In other words, you're a beginner, and how long have you been trying to become a Pokémon Trainer?
"Immmm," mutters Ash, eyes rolling as he tries to remember what number comes after one,"About two months I guess!"
"HHAHHHHHHHHH!" gasps Giselle in mock horror, lifting her hands to her face, "Two whole months and you still let your Pikachu walk free? You haven't even been able to tame it yet?"
"Pika?" asks Pikachu.
"Maybe your Pokémon are training you?"
"Chu?"
"I DON'T WANT TO TRAIN PIKACHU!" screams Ash, losing his cool entirely, "PIKACHU'S MY FRIEND AND SO ARE BUTTERFREE AND PIDGEOTTO!"
"Is that all you have?" asks Giselle.
"Huh?" Ash mutters his favourite word.
"That's funny, because even new Pokémon Trainers usually have at least six Pokémon, and you got two Badges with only three," she turns and mockingly asks her groupies, "He sure was lucky, wasn't he!"
"Every one of mine has the power of two!" lies Ash angrily. "I wonder," smirks Giselle,"With two months of Pokémon experience your Pikachu should be at least at level 25, but it's probably not there yet, is it?"
"Mmmmm," growls Pikachu, a new sound for Pikachu.
"I suppose you didn't know very much about Pokémon if you picked a Pikachu as your first one, Pikachu tend to be hard to handle, it says so in any beginning Pokémon Manual."
"Hmmm," grunts Ash in response.
"HAHH!" gasps Giselle in mock shock, "You really didn't know? And you still got two Badges!?! HOW FUNNY! A Pikachu evolves into an Electric Pokémon called Raichu, it gets to be about 2 feet 7 inches tall, Pikachu can shock you, but otherwise it's pretty cute, don't you think? so if you don't let them evolve, they make great pets, especially for little girls, but I'm sure you knew that? Didn't you? REALLY? You didn't? And you have TWO badges? AHAHAHAHAHA-AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"


What. A. Bitch.

Still, great pets for little girls! haha, you suck Ash!

"KNOCK IT OFF!" screams Ash angrily, as Pikachu leaps high and lands before them in an angry, challenging pose, "Let's battle!"
Giselle is more than ready, calling out a Pokémon she's sure will be more than a match for Pikachu, Cubone! Yes, the dead-skull-of-it's-mother wearing Cubone, which pops out of it's Pokéball brandishing a bone weapon and ready for action. Ash doesn't even bother to check with his Pokédex for once, calling on Pikachu to shock it's opponent, but the Electric Attack is countered easily when Cubone whirls about it's bone and (GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA!) disperses the electricity.

"Pikachu can't shock it," grins Giselle as Pikachu and Ash look on in shock, "Cubone, start things off with your Leer Attack."
The skull-wearing Cubone Leers at Pikachu, which staggers back in shock from the horrors of direct eye contact (remember this is Japan, where such a thing might be considered the height of rudeness). Pikachu nearly collapses but Ash has the power of obnoxious little brothers everywhere and calls for Pikachu to stare it down with a silly face. Pikachu responds, pulling down it's cheeks and sticking out it's tongue which shocks the Leering Cubone. Both approach each other, one Leering, the other Funny-Facing, till they're only inches apart.

"Cubone!" cries Giselle, "Bone Club now!"
In an absolutely hilarious, laugh-out-loud movement, Cubone lifts up it's bone and conks Pikachu right on the head, making the chubby little rodent stagger about in a daze.
"HEY! That's not fair!" growls Ash.
"I'm not playing around," retorts Giselle, "This isn't a staring contest, this is a contest of power and skill between two Pokémon.... Cubone, it's time for the Bone-Marang.... NOW!" "CUBONE!" agrees Cubone, and tosses out it's bone (OUT! OUT! OUT OF THE GUTTA!) at Pikachu, "CU-BONE!"
The bone slams into the staggering Pikachu's head, knocking it over and possibly out.
"Ahhh!" ahhh's Ash, "Pikachu!"
He rushes to his best friend's side (his best friend is a rat) to see if it's okay.
"Throwing that bone is a cheap way to win," whines Ash.
"Well that's Cubone's Special Attack, it's authorised by The Pokémon League and is a perfectly legal way to win," replies Giselle tartly.
"It's still a cheap trick," grunts Ash, then notes Pikachu is getting to it's feet, "Pikachu?"
"CUBONE!" screams Cubone, throwing it's Bone again and smashing Pikachu backwards yet again, "CUUUUUUU-BONE!"
"AWWWW, PIKACHU!" cries Ash as Cubone catches it's bone on the rebound.
"Calling it a cheap trick simply proves your own ignorance," smirks Giselle.
"Ahhhhh," growls Ash as Pikachu once again struggles to it's feet, "Hang in there Pikachu, if your opponents attack is authorised then fighting back is too! Give it your best shot! Come on Pikachu!"
"Bone-Marang, now!" cries Giselle, who has failed to learn that one simple trick all Street Fighter players learnt long ago, never use the same attack three times in a row. Pikachu leaps over the flying bone, bounces onto Cubone's head, spins around the skull so that it can't see and lands ready to fight as Cubone staggers about blindly and Giselle is confronted with a move that isn't in any textbook.


"Go on Pikachu, give it everything you've got!" cries Pikachu, which is essentially an order to fight as dirty as possible. Pikachu bites Cubone's tail, scratches madly at it's belly, kicks it in the face and spins about it's skull just in time for it to see the Bone Bone-Maranging back and smashing right into it's face. Cubone slams onto it's ass, looks confused for a second then bursts into tears like a little girly-bitch as Giselle tries to figure out what went wrong.
"WE DIIIIIIIID IT!" screams Ash as he and Pikachu leap up the screen in a victory pose, while Giselle collapses to her knees and comes to grips with the fact that she lost.
"Cubone.... good try," she sighs, putting on a brave face and pretending to smile, "Come on back, don't cry..... you'll be okay now."
She looks over at Ash as Cubone is sucked into it's Pokéball, concerned that none of her textbooks ever mentioned anything about a Pikachu winning any battle by anything other than an Electric Attack.
"That was a once in a lifetime battle," agrees an impressed Joe.
"And don't try and copy it!" smirks Misty, doing her job and keeping her man from getting too big of a head, "It was just a fluke."
"It was a cool fluke, wasn't it," grins Joe.
"There's another way to win that's not in the textbooks too, isn't there James," grins Jesse as she and James watch from behind a fence on the other side of the pool.
"Let's show 'em," grins James.
"I can't believe I lost a match," sobs Giselle, because there's nothing quite as sad as a bitch brought low. But before we can all enjoy the sight, smoke rushes over them all.
"Oh no, it's not.....?" gasps Ash.
"Allow us to re-introduce ourselves!" cry Jesse and James of Team Rocket.

"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light."
"Surrender now or prepare to fight."
"Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-owth," screams Meowth, falling out of the sky and splashing into the pool before leaping out to pose between Jesse and James, who act like they were expecting him at just this very moment, "I love a splashy entrance!"

"I've heard of Team Rocket," grins Giselle, "You're the ones who got the worst grades ever on the entrance exam, how about your team versus our team?"
Giselle's Groupies (including Joe) whip out their Pokéballs as well and Team Rocket suddenly realise they're completely outnumbered.
"The two of use against all of them?" gasps Jesse.
"But the rules say one on one!" sobs James.
"Bad guys don't play by the rules," grins Giselle, and instantly all of her Groupies are throwing their Pokéballs at Team Rocket, smashing them in the face, the arms, the stomach (and Jesse and Meowth's ass in a couple of memorable frames!). It's not long before Team Rocket are blasting off again, albeit this time on foot running for the hills as fast as they can go. Still, it was in blatant disregard of the rules, as James and Meowth say, "We always play by the rules......."
"At least for a little while!"


With Team Rocket quickly defeated and a valuable lesson in academia versus experience taught, Giselle poses by the pool as she tries to justify getting her ass whupped by someone she's supposed to be more qualified than.
"There are some things you just can't learn in school," she says with a smile,"And that's a good lesson."
"I'm going back home to start from scratch with my first Pokémon," says Joe, "Just like Ash did.... hey Giselle, maybe we'll meet someday in The Pokémon League."
"I hope so," smiles Giselle, pleased that there'll be at least one easy victory she can count on, "I'll try my hardest to be a worthy opponent if we do."
"All right if I keep your picture?" the lecherous little boy asks.
"Sure, I have pictures of my friends too," Giselle tells him as they look out at the sun setting.
"Huh? do you have mine?" asks Joe.
"Sure, we're friends now aren't we?" she asks, which is a good question since she wasn't his friend this morning and since then she's gotten her ass whupped by a punk-ass 10 year old Joe brought illegally into school grounds, "Good luck Joe."
They shake hands as he wishes her good luck as well.
"See," grins Ash, watching this touching scene with a smile, "Why can't we be like them, Misty?"
"Huh?" growls Misty, stealing Ash's line, "I'll tell you exactly why, because HE, doesn't owe, HER, a bike!"
Ash responds by laughing like a retard, before Giselle comes up and tells him she hopes to meet again, and he and Misty both agree, since Misty wants revenge and he wants another easy victory. And with that they head off on their Pokémon Journey once more, stopping to take one last look back at the school where they learned so much.

But what of Joe? What will he tell his poor, poor parents who scrimped and saved and sacrificed to send him to the best damn school in the World? Why, the same thing that all University Drop-Outs tell their now penniless parents after they flunk out.

He's keeping it real.

BEST QUOTES

"Wise Pokémon Trainers never get involved in a cat-fight."

Previous Episode Next Episode Episode List