ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
005: Showdown at Pewter City	005: Nibijimu no Tatakai	Brock - Not As Smart As You Think			Ash has a Gym Battle and gets a new traveling companion	Barely there	Dump parental responsibilities just like your Dad did!

Well things are progressing nicely now, aren't they Gentle Dodgers? We have a winning formula for a nice little show, fun for all the family now. We've got a dim-witted hero, a cute, feisty lil' French sidekick, a fiery red-headed 'will-they-or-won't-they?' love interest/travelling companion, a trio of amusing anti-heroes to provide comedy relief and the 'hero' has notched up a couple of victories.

But where the hell is the sexually frustrated mentor/mother figure?

Every hero is supposed to have one, from Perry White to Aunt May to Rick Jones to Master Roshi to the guy with the weird hair from Roswell, every hero is supposed to have somebody who provides direction and guidance as well as plenty of comedy hi-jinx in the form of massive sexual tension.

And thus, today we meet Brock.



But not quite yet, first we have to set the scene, and we do so in the very best way possible, by starting with Team Rocket. Moving through the bushes and shrubbery with nary a Knight Who Says Ni to be seen, we find Team Rocket arguing amongst themselves as they work on a new nefarious scheme to capture the Pikachu they've convinced themselves their Boss really desperately wants.
"To protect the world from devastation," starts up Jesse as she and James forgo digging into the ground to speak their motto, leaving Meowth to do all the work.
"To unite all peoples within our nation," continues James with rose in hand, unable to resist the dramatic moment.
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"MEOWTH!" interrupts Meowth, angrily slamming his shovel into the ground beside the hole, "I don't get why you two are always talking and I get stuck doing all da work?"
"We haven't got much time," Jesse says to James, ignoring the sweaty little Scratch-Cat, "If they're headed for Pewter City they'll have to pass this way."
"And they'll fall right into our trap!" agrees James, and instantly all three get into the digging once again. Meowth admonishes them to hurry it up, noting that they'll cover it up once dug so that nobody would ever be able to see it.
Unfortunately they do much to good a job, because by the time they're done, they can't tell where the trap is themselves! Rather than stepping backwards into the shrubbery though, they bounce about here and there on the dirt road looking for signs of their skulduggery, until eventually the inevitable happens. With a creak and a crack, the ground beneath them gives way, and they have just enough time to turn shocked looks on each other before they collapse into the hole. After that the animators are kind enough to give us a gratuitous ass shot (GAS) of Jesse before the dirt surrounding the hole slams down around them, burying them and - insofar as we can tell, killing them and ending their participation in the series.

Too bad, they were really beginning to grow on us.

While the life is squeezed from Team Rocket's lungs, however, Ash, Misty and Pikachu are making their way along an unpaved stone road somewhere nearby. Having finally escaped Viridian Forest and it's Misty-Humping Bug Pokémon, Ash is delighted to see Pewter City stretched out before him as he leaps up onto a rock to pose dramatically, and pudgy lil' Pikachu flops down with a sigh.
"Pewter City is grey, the colour of stone," mumbles a low voice, coming from a bearded man in a red beanie sitting just beneath their line of sight, "This town has always been famous.... for stone."
Looking down in surprise, the kids find themselves staring at a sitting man in aforementioned red beanie and brown beard, wearing a very short-sleeved yellow shirt from 1983 and green pants from 1972, along with worn brown shoes, shabby gloves and deeply tanned skin we can ascertain that this is either a time-travelling Brazilian or some kind of homeless man. Bearing the second theory out is the collection of rocks sitting on a shelf beside him. Who else but a bum or a highly educated geologist would collect and display rocks?

Let's just say we don't see College in this guys history.

"Huh? What the.... who's this old guy?" Ash loudly proclaims with shocking disrespect.
"Never met him," replies Misty, who can't even see the freak from where she's sitting.
"The names Flint," replies Flint with the pathetic dignity of the homeless, "And you're sitting on some of my merchandise, young man."
"Oh, sorry," gasps Ash, leaping up before he takes a closer look around and notices the price labels affixed to the displayed rocks, "Uhhh, you mean you sell rocks?"
"They're Pewter City Souvenirs, wanna buy some?" asks Flint with a knowing grin. And therein lies the truth, oh sweet innocent Dodgers, for nobody sells 'rocks' in the forest, that's just a cover for his real 'merchandise', a very different kind of rock indeed.

Five episodes in, and we've met out first crack dealer.

"No thanks!" gasps Ash happily, pointing to himself proudly, "I'm travelling, trying to become a Pokémon Trainer!"
"Chaa-aah," sighs Pikachu in relief, happy that Ash is too thick to realise he's just been approached by a bad, bad man.
"Well your Pokémon sure looks worn out," grunts Flint, standing up and walking away, "Why don't you follow me, I'll show you to the Pokémon Centre."
"See, looks can be deceiving!" smiles Ash, turning to Misty,"He's a nice guy!"
"Are you sure?" asks the more worldly Misty and is proven right seconds later.
"By the way," grins Flint, moving back into shot, "That'll be a 2 dollar charge for resting on my rocks."
"Gaaaah!" gaaaah Ash and Misty, falling flat on their faces.

A short time later we find the kids at the MASSIVE Pokémon Centre in Pewter City. It's certainly much to large for it's purpose of healing sick Pokémon, but hey, what else is the Government going to do with the money? Spend it on education? HA!
"Please revitalise my Pokémon," Ash asks Nurse Joy, sliding his Pokémon to her on a tray. The annoying Butterfree and sleepy Pidgeotto are in their Pokéballs, but an astonished looking Pikachu is just sitting it's fat ass on the tray itself.
"Sure, right away Ash!" smiles Nurse Joy.
"Huh?" asks Ash, confused as to how she knows his name and also struggling to remember her own, "Nuh-urse Jah-oy?"
"Yes I'm Nurse Joy," smiles Nurse Joy.
"Uhhh buh.... but this isn't Viridian City, this is Pewter City!"

Well bloody done Ash, well bloody done.

"The Joy in Viridian City is my little sister," explains Nurse Joy, who apparently has a VEEEEEEERY close family, if you know what we're saying, "I'm the older Joy, I've heard nice things about you, very nice."
"Uhh, thank you," replies Ash, unsure on how to deal with such strenuous things as compliments and words and such.
"Have you seen that poster?" asks Joy as she takes the Pokémon away. Turning, Ash spots the poster in question, one advertising the Pokémon League Regional Championships and admonishing Trainers to enter, as the trainers of today are the masters of tomorrow. Misty is standing in front of the poster having a look herself, and when she hears Ash excitedly read the poster she has a bit of a giggle. You see it's not just a matter of entering the Pokémon League, you have to beat at least 8 Trainers from various different towns beforehand and obtain badges from them as proof.

"Can you do that?" she teases Ash.
"Of course I can!" the little punk sneers back, which in turn garners another laugh from Flint, who walks up behind them.
"Ha-ha-ha," ha-ha-ha's Flint, "Don't tell me you plan on challenging Brock, The Pewter City Gym Leader?"
"Of course I do," growls Ash with the confidence of the very competent and very stupid alike, "As soon as Pikachu and my other Pokémon are better I'll have no problem! Take me to this Brock's Gym, I'll beat him!"
"Aha-ha-ha," aha-ha-ha's Flint, "You'll beat him, aha-ha-ha."

The previous dialogue was delivered with the nous and skill of your average female porn-star or WCW Wrestler.

"Oooh that Flint!" growls Ash later, as he and Misty sit in a delightful little diner chowing down on noodles and what looks to be spaghetti, "Trying to make a fool out of me!"
"Do you really think you can win?" asks Misty as a capless Ash chows down hungrily from his bowl, her own mouth stuffed full with food, "Gym Leaders are different from your everyday Pokémon Trainer, they're much, much tougher."
Ash doesn't respond, just glaring at her over his bowl as he shovels in the last of the rice and drinks the liquid, little bits of rice all over his grubby cheeks.
"I'll tell you what Ash," beams Misty happily, "If you ask me really nicely, I'll help you out!"
"I domnee ene elp," replies Ash around his food as he scoops up every last drop.
"Is that so!?!" snaps Misty angrily, jumping to her feet, outraged at having her offer of help slapped away, "Fine with me, there's no way you'll beat Brock in the Pewter City Gym!"
She scoops up her backpack and storms off, leaving Ash with an eyeful of ass, an empty bowl, rice on his cheeks and a check for 1150yen.

It might be a metaphor for something, we're really not too sure.

Regardless, Ash begins what will be a long process of freeloading as he somehow gets out of the bill and heads back to the Pokémon Centre, where Nurse Joy hands over a revitalised, happy Pikachu and his other two Pokéballs. Ready for action, Ash and his rodent head off towards Pewter Gym, Misty-less for the moment at least. The Gym itself is a massive affair, made up of giant rocks surrounding large double doors that serve to make the challenger appear small and insignificant against the permanence of stone. Luckily for Ash, he's undertaken the brilliant strategy of being a moron, and thus is not overly concerned with the humbling aspect of the Gym before him. He pushes open the large double doors and steps in the blackness of the gym interior.
"Helloooooooo!" he cries, looking around in the darkness of the apparently empty Gym.
"Who goes there?" asks a low voice, and a light dramatically flicks on to Ash's right, revealing a kneeling young man with fashion sense almost as bad as Flint's.
With light brown pants, an orange shirt, green vest and spiky brown hair, the toned Gym Leader has obviously been sitting in the dark for far too long, as his eyes are mere squinty lines. He's got the right sense of the dramatic though, and anyone with at least 3 brain cells would feel daunted by his presence.

But this is Ash we're talking about.

"So you must be Brock!" Ash shouts - great idea in a large, cavernous and echoing Gym, Sherlock - at the impassive Gym Leader, "I'm Ash from Pallet Town, I challenge you!"
"Is this your first Gym Match?" questions Brock, unimpressed by Ash's bravado.
"Uhhhm," replies Ash, still unsure how to answer questions he hasn't heard at least 8 times in the past.
"A Gym Match is different from other battles," Brock coldly informs Ash, "This match is for Pokémon League Authorisation. There are special rules."
"Um.... what do you mean by special rules?" asks Ash, confused and frightened by the unknown.
"We use two Pokémon each, understood?" Brock asks, standing up and revealing himself to be much taller than Ash, though still only a very young man himself. He looks down at an exceptionally happy Pikachu, which stares back up at him with cute, innocent joy in it's eyes, "How long have you been with that Pokémon?"
"Uhhh," replies Ash, hating having to count without taking his shoes off, "About two weeks I guess."
"Yes," agrees Brock, "Your Pikachu is in it's cutest stage." "Ka-Chu!" agrees Pikachu happily, liking this young man very much until he then notes that it can't win, making it almost fall over in shock.
"I'LL WORRY ABOUT MY Pokémon AND YOU WORRY ABOUT YOURS! ALL RIGHT!" yells Ash angrily.
"Suit yourself," grunts Brock, "As Gym Leader I have to accept every challenge, so let's just get this over with."
The lights above flash on, the walls rise up and before Ash's shocked country bumpkin eyes large rocks are rolled out onto the Arena floor. He and Pikachu barely get out of the way before the rocky arena crashes together, and then Brock leaps down and declares the battle is on.
"All right," grins Ash, "Okay, Pikachu, I choose you buddy." Pikachu waddles happily onto the arena as Brock dramatically pulls back, throws back his arm and tosses out his Pokéball.
"Onix.... GOOOOOOOO!!!!"
Pikachu stares at the Pokéball as it bursts open and reveals a....... 30 foot tall snake made of rocks that lets loose with a massive GA-ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOARRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Kah?" kah's Pikachu, then does the wisest thing possible, turns tail and runs it's ass back to Ash, sweeping up his leg and pressing frantically on Pidgeotto's Pokéball.
"HEY! This is your battle, Pikachu, not Pidgeotto's," snaps Ash, bravely volunteering Pikachu to get back in there with the stone killing machine,"Go!"
"Pika pika?" sobs Pikachu, but Ash just shrugs and sends it back on in there with a sad cry of,"Cha?"
"GA-ROOOOOOOOOOOARRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!"
Ga-Roooooooooooarrrrrrrrrr's Onix, and launches itself through the air.
"Onix, Tackle Attack!" cries Brock.
Pikachu dodges the massive tons of ga-rooooooaring Onix just in time, but in the ensuing shaking and quaking of the ground, fails to avoid the massive Rock-Type's tail from slipping around it's pudgy little body and lifting it up off of the ground.
"Onix, Bind Attack now!" cries Brock, and the massive snake begins to squeeze.
"Pikachu!" cries Ash in a panic, "Thundershock!"
And Pikachu does just that, letting rip with the electric intensity that has Team Rocket so obsessed with it. It blasts and blasts and blasts until it can't blast no more, then relaxes and...... finds itself still locked in Onix's Bind.
"Ga-roooar?" asks Onix, confused by the harmless light show it just witnessed.
"You haven't raised it very well," chides Brock, arms folded under his chest,"Such a weak electric attack can't hurt Onix."
"Chuuu," chuuu's Pikachu.
"Pikachu! RETURN!" cries Ash, calling Pikachu back into it's Pokéball of all places, the little Rodent too hurt for once to avoid the ray of light.
Unfortunately for Ash, he sucks, and fails to hit Pikachu with the ray of light, leaving Pikachu trapped in Onix's bind.
"It's.... it's being blocked, I.. I can't bring it back," gasps Ash, blaming someone else for his own shortcomings as usual. He watches in horror as Pikachu is squeezed and squeezed, surely only moments from projectile vomiting it's guts into the ceiling, and finally it filters through to his brain that he should probably do something about this.
"CUT IT OUT!" he screams, developing the second part of what will one day become his infamous 'Run and yell' technique.
"Do you surrender?" cries Brock.
Ash hesitates a moment, confused by the multiple syllables, then finally agrees and calls off his challenge, the bell ringing to announce there is a winner.... and it ain't Ash.

Dejected, shocked and defeated, Ash stumbles away from the Gym as the sun begins to set. He carries sore little Pikachu in his arms like a widdle baby, so focused on his hurt Pokémon that he doesn't notice the bad, bad man standing before him until it's almost too late. Looking up, he pauses as Flint glares at him, who knows what thoughts careening through his crack-addled mind, then finally turns about and walks away.
"Come with me," he orders, and like any sensible child should, Ash listens to the stranger and follows him home. Inside Flint's cabin out in the woods Pikachu is set down to rest on a widdle pillow with a widdle blankey to cover him, while Ash sits on his knees beside him looking depressed.
"Everyone loses sometimes," says a now shoeless Flint, carrying tea with him, "You can't let that get you down."
"I know," cringes Ash, who has also removed his shoes as well as his cap, "But I didn't just lose, I stunk! Brock's way better than me, I could never enter a League Match if I can't beat him!" "Brock is very good," agrees Flint, sipping at his tea, "His own talents could take him much further than simply being a local Gym Leader."
"Yeah," agrees Ash, then displays a disturbing knowledge of Brock's past by asking,"But why has he never been in a regional championship himself?"
"He has his reasons," Flint states enigmatically.
"Huh?" asks Ash who, as we're beginning to see, just doesn't get it.

Flint leads him on a little trespassing, sneaking onto Brock's property where they peep through the open doors at the large family inside after climbing up long ladders. Inside the house are a large number of very Brock looking boys and girls, doing homework, playing and telling stories while in the background a young woman in a pink apron does the dishes. One widdle girl rushes up and hugs her mother's leg, telling her that she tore her skirt.
"All right, all right," says the mother, "I'll sew it up for you.

But that ain't no lady! THAT'S BROCK!!!

"Huh?" asks Ash, a sentiment shared by us all, but Flint offers no explanation. They watch on as the little girl, dressed only in underwear and singlet now, shakes Brock's shoulder as he sews up her dress, the other widdle Brock-boys and Brock-girls gathered around close because their squinty eyes don't allow them to see more than a few feet in front of them. Having had enough of a perv, Flint and Ash climb down the ladders and apparently leave them where they were, as they're nowhere to be seen as the two head back towards Flint's place that night.
"Wow, I sure never thought of Brock like that," mutters Ash.



....

If you had thought of Brock as a mother in a pink apron, Ash, we'd be a bit more concerned about you.

"Brock has ten little brothers and sisters to take care off," Flint explains, despite the fact we only saw nine,"So he could never leave town for Regional Championships."
"Doesn't he have a Mum or a Dad?" asks Ash, whose own father is a mystery to him (COUGH COUGH PROFESSOR OAK COUGH COUGH) and whose Mother kicked him out of the house when he was ten.
"His good for nothing Father left the family to become a Pokémon Trainer and they never heard from him again," grunts Flint, "Brock's heart-broken Mother tried her best to hold things together, but sadly she passed away. Brock's the only one his little brothers and sisters have left."
"I better not listen to any more sad stuff," mumbles Ash, not out of sympathy but self-interest, "Next time I have a match with Brock I might not have the heart to beat him."
"Buh... but you said that, you said you could never win a match with Brock!" gasps Flint, pulling up short.
"Yeah well I changed my mind about that!" yells Ash, suddenly filled with piss and vinegar, "If I can power up Pikachu I'll beat him!"
"Hmmm," hmmm's Flint, cupping his chin in a manner that we will later learn is a family trait, "I may just know a way that you can supercharge Pikachu."

Crystal meth?

Well no, apparently this is going to be old-school training, as Flint leads this little boy out into the wilderness to an old, abandoned Hydro-Electric Plant.

This is getting more and more like an after-school special by the minute.

In any case, the plot that Flint has baked up in his crack-addled mind is a simple one. The wheel of the hydro-electric plant is turned by water that in turn generates electricity. If they can hook up Pikachu's Electric Sacs (GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA!!!!!) to the generator then they should be able to super-charge it. Well, blatant animal abuse aside it sounds like a great idea and Ash is all for it, asking Flint how he got to know so much about Pokémon anyway. Flint goes into drug-induced convulsions at this question, sweating profusely and mumbling inanely about getting lucky, but again Ash forgoes fears for his 'special place' and turns to chat happily to Pikachu, who is all for the concept of force-feeding massive amounts of electricity directly into it's face.
"Of course, the river is dry right now," notes Flint, causing Ash and Pikachu to fall flat on their faces.
Ash demands to know why the hell Flint brought them all the way out here then, but before any bad prison jokes can be made Flint explains he has a plan to run the generator anyway. Flint hooks up Pikachu's cheeks to the generator and sets up Ash outside on the wheel. Then at the signal, Ash begins walking in place, gripping a bar to keep himself steady as he turns the wheel steadily faster and faster. The kinetic potential energy is then stored in the generator and fed out through the cables directly into Pikachu's face. The startled Pokémon pricks up it's ears as the tingly sensation quickly turns into a constant shock treatment, but Flint offers reassurance, telling it that all this power may be shocking at first but sooner or later (hopefully sooner, you'd think) it's body will get used to the high voltage. Pikachu puts on it's game face and takes the pain, absorbing electrical energy deep into it's pores. But it's not the only one suffering, outside Ash is going through the strenuous and painful process of walking in place, an activity up there with Base-Jumping and taking photos of Kevin Costner.
"Hey Ash!" laughs a voice behind him, and he looks down to see a grinning Misty staring up at him, "Wouldn't it be a lot better just to ask me for help instead of going with this crazy power plan of yours?"
"Forget it!" snaps Ash,"I'll win without your help."
"Hmm? gasps Misty, "Ha... hmmm? What do I care!"
She stomps off as an angry Ash keeps pushing his body to the limits, walking at close to .1 of a kilometre per hour now, "I'm going to get a badge all by myself using the Pokémon I'm training!"
"Stubborn," sighs Misty, "It would be a lot easier if he used some of mine too."
But Ash has his pride and he won't accept help from anyone, not a single solitary person.

Well okay, the local crack-dealer is okay, but other than that, nobody!

"I can take this if you can take it, Pikachu," Ash growls through gritted teeth, apparently suffering just as much through walking as Pikachu is from being electrocuted by progressively more and more power. He keeps walking, walking walking until even the generator can't keep it up and begins to overheat (no wonder the plant closed down if a little thing like a 10 year old bastard child walking on a wheel is enough to blow it up). Pikachu takes all of the power in and then lets loose, sending enough light up to shine up the whole night sky, the formerly pudgy little Pikachu now absolutely brimming with energy.

The next day a confident Ash and Pikachu storm through the doors of Pewter Gym, Ash screaming loudly once again into the echoing confines of the Gym, "I'M BACK!"
Brock's foot ominously stomps down into the foreground and the tall, tanned, toned and squinty eyed Gym Leader faces off with Ash for a second time.
"Haven't you learned your lesson yet?" laughs Brock.
"Ahhhweee," says Ash bizarrely, "We're ready for you this time Brock!"
"Hah! We'll see," grins Brock as Pikachu buzzes with electrical intensity.
The lights light up, the rocks roll in, and before you know it it is time for Ash Versus Brock, The Rematch.

This time, it's a sequel!

"Two Pokéballs!" yells Brock.
"Got it!" agrees Ash just as loudly, as apparently they've both become very deaf overnight.
"I'll start with....... GEODUUUUUUUDE! GOOOOOOOO!!!!" cries Brock, sending out Geodude.
Geodude is yet another Rock Pokémon, this one a floating head with muscular arms coming out where it's ears should be. Ash shows how serious he is by turning his cap backwards, then rolls around in some delightful stock footage against a green energy background before choosing his Pokémon... Pidgeotto!
"Go Pidgeotto, Gust Attack!" cries Ash, and the feisty bird swoops up a dust storm, zipping around and around in circles as Geodude watches on. A whirlwind of dust obscures them from view as Ash watches on intently, Misty watching from a railing high overhead. The dust clears and to Ash's surprise but nobody else's, Geodude is perfectly fine and taking swipes and swings at a retreating Pidgeotto.
"Bad strategy," notes Brock deadpan, "Don't you know that Flying Pokémon are weak against Rock Types?"
"Uhhh, I guess I forgot," lies the terrifyingly simple Ash.
"Come on Ash, use your head," sighs Misty, then looks about as Brock's siblings rush about on either side of her to watch 'Momma Brock' kick another challengers ass. And things are going their way at the moment, as Pidgeotto is slammed down and knocked out, forcing Ash to call it back while Geodude floats smugly above the ground.
"Are you giving up again?" asks Brock with a smirk.
But Ash ain't done yet, and he sends out Pikachu to show Brock the benefits that a little Pokémon Abuse can bring about.
"The Pikachu again," grins Brock, "I feel sorry for it, being raised by such a weak Pokémon Trainer."
"Pikachu," grins Ash, "Now's our chance to show him how weak we are."
What follows defies the laws of physics to such a degree as to be almost unbelievable, as a short sharp burst of electricity on a rock-based Pokémon sends it crashing to the ground, burnt to a crisp. Shocked, Brock stands with mouth agape and eyes squinted, while all around Misty the Brocklings murmur uncomfortably.... is Momma Brock gonna take a hiding from an emotionally crippled, 10 year old bastard child? But Brock quickly recovers, knowing that while Pikachu may have gained in strength rather quickly, there is no way it can defeat his Onix!

Calling out the massive stone snake, it Ga-Rooooars with a fury that shakes poor widdle Pikachu to it's core, remembering the beating it took just the day before. Reacting instinctively, Pikachu lets loose with a random blast of electricity that smashes rocks, almost takes out Ash, shocks a startled Onix and sets small fires in the lights hanging from the roof. "Hey Pikachu, watch where you're aiming, huh!" cries Ash, distracting Pikachu enough to let Onix wrap it's tail around the little electric rodent and squeeze it in another Bind Attack. Ash screams for Pikachu to use it's Thunderbolt, and this time the attack actually hurts Onix, which Ga-Rooars in pain but keeps on gripping as Brock calls for it to keep on keeping on with it's Bind Attack. Pikachu shocks, Onix binds, and both are hurting bad as their respective Trainers watch on. But Rock is always going to beat electricity, and Pikachu's soft little body begins to give out, the Thunderbolt wearing off as Onix continues to Bind, squeezing it and squeezing it until Brock suddenly, unexpectedly orders it to let go. Pikachu drops to the ground, eyes spinning dizzily in Confusion as Onix looks down expectedly, waiting for it's Master's next command.
"No Brock!" cries Ash, fearing that Brock is going to call the match at an end,"I want to play this match to the end!"
"There's no point in going on," retorts Brock, "I really don't want to hurt your Pokémon."
"Grrr," grrr's Ash, then lowers his head, preparing to give in to the inevitable. And then the fires in the lights overhead set off the sprinklers, making Onix Ga-Roooar in agony.
"ASH!" screams Misty as the water jerks Pikachu back into awareness, "Rock Pokémon are weak against water!"
"Pikachu!" cries Ash, but his rodent is well ahead of him, letting loose with another electrical attack that blasts Onix right to it's very core, sending it careening over and smashing into the ground.
"ONIX!" cries Brock in shock as the mighty Stone Snake twitches and jerks on the ground, water pooling around it's massive body. "Pikachu!" demands Ash, throwing his arm high, "Finish it off..."

And then he stops in place, his arm frozen.

"My conscience is holding me back!" he sobs, "I can't bring myself to beat Brock! I'm imagining his brothers and sisters holding me back from beating the one person they love!"
"Ash," sighs Misty from her place in the railing, "I think you better open your eyes."
Ash does so, and discovers that he wasn't being held back by his conscience at all, but by 9 of Brock's siblings (the tenth must be smoking out the back or something) who are wrapped about his legs, arms, waist and neck.

"Leave Onix alone," sobs one of the Brocklings, "My brother worked hard at raising it you big bully!"
"Believe me kid, I'm no bully," stammers the boy who spent all of last night electrocuting his best friend.
"Stop it, get off, all of you," growls Momma Brock angrily at his widdle Brocklings, "This is an official match, and we're going to finish it no matter what."
"But Brock," sobs a female Brockling, "We know that you love your Pokémon so much."
"That's why we can't watch Onix suffer from another attack!" rasps yet another Brockling. As Ash listens, he remembers that when his Pikachu looked to be out of it, Brock called for Onix to stop it's attack. Blinking as he struggles to form coherent sentences to express the concept he just realised, he calls back his Pikachu.
"What do you think you're doing?" growls Brock as a confused Pikachu returns to Ash's side while he sets the Brocklings down, "This match isn't over yet, Ash."
"Those sprinklers going off was just an accident," acknowledges Ash,"Winning the match because of that wouldn't have proved anything, next time we meet I'll beat you my way, fair and square."
"Hmmm," hmmms Brock in a familiar fashion.
"Huuuh," sighs Misty in consternation, "Just when he gets a lucky break he decides to be a nice guy too."

Outside The Gym, Ash and Pikachu head off towards wherever it is losers who can't win Badges go, taking full advantage of the dramatic shot.
"I'm sorry if I was too tough on you, Pikachu," Ash apologises, "But you really did a great job."
"Piika-chu?" asks Pikachu.
"Sounds like you feel just the way I do," agrees Ash, having realised that noble defeat may make you look good in front of the ladies, but it sure feels like shit.
"Hey! Hey! Wait up, Ash!" cries a voice, stopping him. Turning around, Ash stares in surprise as a breathless Brock runs up behind him and stops to pant. Standing up straight, Brock holds out his hand and says,"Ash, you forgot this."
In his hand is a shiny, sparkly, boulder-shaped Badge, named appropriately enough, a Boulder-Badge.
"A badge, for defeating a Gym Trainer? I can't accept that, I didn't beat you, I gave up."

There are no ladies about, boy, who the hell are you trying to impress?

"Naah," retorts Brock eloquently, "I lost to you, you beat me in battle, and in being kind to all Pokémon."
"But..." Ash continues to plead, desperate to avoid getting a Pokémon Badge at all costs.
"To tell you the truth, I get more pleasure from raising Pokémon than from making them battle."
He turns to stare dramatically at the sun setting over the nearby lake, "I don't care about being a great Pokémon Trainer, I want to become the World's Best Breeder."




.....


(snicker)

"But I can't leave here," Brock sighs, "Because I have to look after my brothers and sisters."
He turns about and holds out his palm with the Boulder-Badge set into it, "Ash, I want you to take this and fulfil my dream, will you do that for me?"
"I will," nods Ash, "And I'll do my best to deserve this, too!" He takes the badge from Brock's outstretched hand, and in doing so they obscure the presence of a third person who has been listening to their entire conversation... Flint.

But is he here to offer help, commiseration or just sweet, sweet crack?

"Brock, you go follow your own dreams."
"FLINT!?!" gasps Ash, and to everybody's surprise the shaggy ne'erdowell removes his beanie AND his beard (apparently he couldn't grow one of his own) to reveal..... Daddy-Brock?

"My.. father," growls Brock in best Mark Hamill fashion, glaring at the man who looks exactly like him except for the wrinkles below the eyes.
"HUUUH!" huh's Ash,"You mean you're the good for nothing father who left home and never came back?"
"That's right," Flint nods, "It was me, I couldn't become the great Pokémon Trainer I wanted to and because I was such a failure I was too embarrassed and ashamed to go back to my family."
"But why did you help me instead of Brock?" asks Ash, while Brock just squints expressionlessly at his wreck of a Father.
"You reminded me of myself, you didn't seem to have a chance."
"Ahhh-wooo-owww," says Ash, the most intelligent thing he's said all day.
"It time I started taking care of my family," grunts Flint at Brock, "You go fulfil your dreams and mine."
"First, there are some things I have to tell you," Brock replies coldly, while Ash puts his hands behind his head and looks on stupidly, with no idea of the nature of the language that's going to be coming out of Brock in a matter of seconds. After all, this is Brock's father, the man who abandoned him as a child, left his wife to die and his son to look after the offspring of his virility. This is the man who has been living in town for years now selling rocks (of the legal and illegal variety) when he could have been mending fences and building bridges with his family (it's metaphor, kids).

So yeah, family show or not, it's going to get pretty blue.

"After all these years," nods Flint with the gravity of a reformed Crack-Addict going through the 12-Step Program, "I understand how you must feel about me, so I want you to get it all of your chest."
"Here," says Brock, reaching into his vest and pulling out a needle and thread. As the camera pulls away, we discover it's like Father, like Son, as Brock willingly hands over his 10 brothers and sisters (the tenth never seen, possibly being Brock himself and simply the result of a translation glitch from kids to siblings) to a man who is for all intents and purposes a complete stranger.
"Suzy always rips her dresses so you better learn how to sew and Timmy only eats cold spaghetti for breakfast, Tommy likes cornflakes for dinner..."
"Slow down, show down" gasps Flint, jumping up and down, his poor crack-addled mind unable to handle it all, "I can't write that fast!"
"Cindy sleepwalks so you have to tie a bell on her wrist, the twins never want to take a bath so you have to...."

Later that night - all the instructions out of the way and his Brocklings safely left in the hands of a man who made a total failure of his own life - a happy Brock walks alongside Ash and Pikachu.
"Hey Ash, are you sure it's okay if I go with you on your Pokémon Journey?" he asks.
"Sure I'm sure!" laughs Ash, "The more the merrier.... and it's good to have somebody to talk with!"
"Well..." starts Brock, stopping to turn and look behind them, "What about that girl who keeps following you?"
"Don't forget about my bike, Ash Ketchum!" growls Misty, following along about 10 metres behind them, "I'm going to follow you until you pay me back!"
"I know! I know," sighs Ash, "Pikachu let's try to lose her!"

They break into a run, continuing that beloved freeloading tradition of never having to pay for anything, as Brock gives chase and Misty comes close behind, determined that he won't get away. And so, with a new friend and ally, and Misty close behind, Ash continues on his quest to become a Pokémon Master. It's just a pity that Team Rocket had to die in the process.

But then, boom! With a shake of the ground a drill bursts out of the dirt and Team Rocket reappear, none the worse for wear after a full day under the ground. Luckily James just happened to have a huge drilling, vibrating machine lying about, isn't it!

"I told you I'd get us out of this!" grins James.
"This was all......" starts Jesse angrily, until Ash runs over the back of her head and Brock slams his boot into James' beautiful face,"....your fault," she finishes, and then Misty runs over the back of her head, following in Ash's footsteps.
"Buried alive then trampled," sighs Jesse, then hugs James and sobs along with him, "We've hit rock bottom!"
Not quite yet, as all three tumble back down the hole and crash into the ground, kicking up a large plume of dust.

What's the moral here, kids? Well there really isn't one, but we'll be damned if gross physical pain isn't always good for a laugh.

BEST QUOTES

"I want to become the World's Best Breeder!"

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