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003: Ash Catches a Pokémon    003: Pokémon! Getto Da Ze!    Misty Gets Clingy                 Misty hates bugs so Ash catches one!   hey try    Little boys and little girls are very different   


It's been an interesting couple of episodes, hasn't it. We've been introduced to Ash Ketchum, the supposed hero of the story and his stubborn little Pokémon, Pikachu, who appears to share at least a little French Ancestry. Ash is the bastard child of Mrs. Ketchum and Scientist/Socialite Professor Samuel Oak and has been sent off on a Pokémon journey at the tender age of ten so that his mother and father can enjoy an uninterrupted sex life. Ash's first day as a Trainer was an unmitigated disaster, in which he raised the fury of a flock of Spearow, nearly killed Pikachu, met the girl of his dreams, stole her bicycle, destroyed it and blatantly ripped off Tim Robbins climactic escape scene from The Shawshank Redemption.

However, he gained Pikachu's respect and love in doing so, managed to defeat The Spearow's and even saw a Legendary Pokémon. His next day wasn't much better, as he was harassed by a Nurse and a corrupt Police Officer, had his aspirations put down by his Daddy Professor Oak, whom he had just cost one million dollars, and then destroyed a multi-million dollar Pokémon Centre whilst fighting off a trio of Pokémon Poachers calling themselves Team Rocket. Reunited with Misty, whose bike he had destroyed, they set off into dark and forbidding Veridian Forest where Misty took every opportunity she could to clutch and cling to him. None of that mattered to Ash, though, as he finally got his chance to catch a Pokémon, which is where this episode begins.



Ash stares down the Caterpie, their eyes locked in a battle of wills, waiting to see who will flinch first. Their eyes burn holes in each other before Ash finally acts, spinning around as green energy appears to zoom up all around him as he tosses his Pokéball, slamming it against the forehead of Caterpie.

Thrust into the shadows, Caterpie spins around, glows red then finds itself sucked into the Pokéball, which drops to the ground and begins to shake and twist as The Caterpie attempts to escape from it's confines. Ash, Misty and Pikachu look on, watching the small button glowing red to indicate the Pokémon inside is still fighting against it's confines, trying to tear itself free. But then finally the light glows white, indicating the Caterpie has accepted it's fate and in the course of 10 seconds gone from wild to tame. Ash desperately attempts to be humble, trying and trying and trying to hold his smile back. But please, he's a ten year old boy, where the hell does humility come into it! He has to show off, which he does with great delight, dancing around Misty with the Pokéball in his hands, leaping about as she watches on, unimpressed.

At one point he actually drops to his knees and holds the Pokéball up to her like a man proposing to a woman, before leaping up and grabbing her by one arm, dancing madly about as she squawks in protest, trying to pull free as he drags her around the forest in a mad little victory dance. Pikachu watches them run, eyes circling around and around before it gets dizzy and falls over. Ahh, the French and their physical comedy. Misty pulls away and starts to yell at him, to which Ash replies in the only way he can. He shoves his ball into her face "Great," she snaps, seeing Ash's ball right in front of her face, right there, right in front of her face, "Just keep it away from me!"

It's his Pokéball, you sick freaks, and he's just happy because it's the first Pokémon he's ever captured in his whole, entire life. Ash, being a boy, can't believe Misty - a girl - can be scared of a bug, but she begs him to keep it away from her, telling him that bugs bug her, even in their Pokéballs.
"Well I like bugs even when they're out of their Pokéballs," laughs Ash, then in an absolutely sickly display hugs the ball and rubs his face against it while a backdrop of hearts appears to signify his love for a small ball and the green little bug enclosed inside of it. An angry Misty, wanting Ash's love for herself even if she can't bring herself to admit it, mutters that it takes a worm to love a worm.

Ha! BURN!


Pikachu gets up and sniffs his Pokéball, then Ash stands and poses in the sunlight before he tosses out Caterpie, causing Misty to flee in terror, hiding behind a tree a hundred metres away. Ash smiles down at Caterpie, extending his hand and asking it to climb up on his shoulder. The now tame Bug-Type Pokémon is more than willing to do so, until out of the corner of it's eye it notes a rather pretty looking red-headed girl staring coquettishly from behind a tree about a 100 metres away, obviously quivering in sexual arousal at the sight of such a manly Caterpie. Or should that be Caterpiely Caterpie?

In excitement it charges towards her, kicking up a trail of dirt behind it as Ash calls for it to come back and Pikachu watches with detached French amusement. Caterpie slams against Misty's leg, humping it and rubbing against it as she shocked girl begs for mercy, screaming for it to get off of her. Ash notes that it really likes her, thinking it's cute, whereas Misty is horrified. She drops down to her ass, her thighs pressed together, knees bent to push her calves out at 90 degree angles. This makes her the perfect height for Caterpie to shove it's face into hers, maybe looking for a little kiss after the moment of passion they just shared. Misty ain't about to kiss a bug, however, and she backtracks wildly to another tree, making it clear that she's got absolutely no interest at all in the bug. Caterpie is understandably dejected that the girl it lost it's virginity to doesn't love it. Ash can't understand what her problem with bugs is and why they can't just be friends. Misty's reply is to scoop up Pikachu as it tries to comfort Caterpie, telling Ash he can be friends with Caterpie and she'll be friends with Pikachu, which is fine by Pikachu, it just likes being loved.

Ahh the French, so open minded!


Ash is shocked, thinking that Pikachu only liked him and would shock anyone else who tried to touch it. But Pikachu loves being petted by Misty and isn't about to leave this situation, is he! Caterpie is distraught, unable to believe the rejection that it is facing. Misty still doesn't want anything to do with it, however, telling Ash that bugs are among the three most disgusting things in the world.
"Apart from you, what are the other most disgusting things?" asks Ash. It seems Misty hates carrots (which she punts away with her foot) peppers (which she punches with her fist) and bugs (represented by Caterpie which she slams away with a giant mallet). "Everyone has something that they don't like, and I don't like bugs!" she snaps.
"Yeah, well I like carrots and peppers and bugs!!" replies Ash, rolling his tongue around at her while pulling the skin around his eyes down.
"What I don't like is the way you're hurting Caterpie's feelings with your silly fear of bugs!"
Oh my goodness.
Ash has actually made a good point.
No!
NO!
It can't be!
Relax, relax kids, it's probably a fluke, I doubt it'll happen again.
Misty is having none of it, however, so Ash turns and tells Caterpie he likes it, then asks for it to climb onto his shoulder. The Caterpie turns to Pikachu and asks the unspoken question. Is this guy all right or does he get off on Pokémon? Pikachu nods and Chu's to tell him Ash is all right, he's pretty much asexual as his treatment of Misty has proven.

No Game On fans, not a sexual machine, he's without sex.


Ash assures Caterpie that it won't scare Misty anymore, and when she asks what that means he tells her that they'll go on without her. Pikachu leaps out of her arms and follows Ash, leaving Misty all on her lonesome. Misty can't believe it, she never thought Ash would actually go! She shakes off the shock and settles on the only thing she can think off that would make it sensible for her to follow him.... her bicycle!

As Ash and Caterpie walk along, Pikachu notes Misty following in the distance and calls for Ash to wait up. Ash asks what the problem is and turns to see Misty, who sees him seeing her, gasps and leaps behind a tree. "Huh? What are you following us for?" snaps Ash angrily, really believing that he could turn the tide of true love as easily as that. She stands behind the tree, sweating with fear as she tries to think of a good reason to actually be following the little boy who she initially mistook for a MAN.
"Uh.... muh, my bike," she stammers uncertainly,"I'm holding you responsible for my bike!"
Oh Misty, you don't even sound like you believe yourself, do you. "When are you going to get over that dumb old bike?" asks Ash angrily, even though he did destroy her bike.
"For your information, Mr. Pokémon Master!" snaps Misty sarcastically, Ash bringing out the worst in her, "You're the dumb one, because if you hadn't destroyed it in the first place, I could of ridden out of here by now."
"I told you I'd make good on your bike one day, AAAAND if I'm so dumb, how come you're still following me!" snaps Ash. Oh good one, Ashy-Washy! How is she going to explain that away! "I'm not following you, this happens to be the fastest way through the woods," she snaps back.
"Fine, do whatever you want!" he yells.
"That's exactly what I'm doing!" she yells back at him.

Later that night Ash settles down by his fire, lying dangerously close to it in his sleeping bag in blatant disregard for fire safety regulations, telling Pikachu and Caterpie that they should get some sleep now, because tomorrow's gonna be a big day. "Well, we'd all get some sleep if you'd just shut your big mouth!" snaps Misty from behind the other side of the tree stump Ash is lying by. Ash sits up in shock at the sound of her voice, then settles back down and sarcastically tells her not to let the bed bugs bite.
"Hmmm!" snaps Misty.
Pikachu and Caterpie share an exasperated glance, not understanding why humans make things so complicated. Sitting on a tree stump, Pikachu and Caterpie look up at the night sky, Pikachu in particular being entranced by the clear night and multiple stars around a full moon. Well, then the French have always been romantics, haven't they. Pikachu and Caterpie spend the next few minutes with boy-talk, bragging about the Pokémon they've fought, the places they've been and the women they've screwed. Caterpie appears to be showing Pikachu all the various positions it's tried on different ladies while Pikachu appears to be bragging about the size of it's... well, let's just say from the looks of things Pikachu's 'lil Pikachu ain't so 'lil!

Of course, in Caterpies case at least it's all bollocks, as the closest to sex it's come to is humping Misty's leg. It looks up at the moon and imagines being a Butterfree (the final evolution of Caterpie) and knowing that that would impress Misty to no end. It casts a look at the shivering young girl and sighs, wishing she could have returned it's love, while Pikachu pats it's back sympathetically.

I know the show is young, but that is still one of the most bizarre things we've ever seen on Pokémon.


The next day we find the fire burnt out, Pikachu conked out on the tree stump, Ash fast asleep and Misty slowly coming awake. The first thing to greet her blurry vision is... Caterpie! In what is either a touching display of love or disturbing display of obsession, Caterpie has been watching her sleep. Needless to say, Misty soon awakens the others with her scream. Ash somewhat resembles a caterpillar himself, hopping over in his sleeping bag to see what's going on and finds Misty demanding to know what Caterpie was doing sleeping by her. Ash attempts to blow it off by saying Caterpie just wants to be her friend, to which Misty angrily replies to Caterpie it can be her friend by stopping bugging her and getting back into it's Pokéball. Caterpie is, of course, heart-broken and Ash is furious, yelling out to Misty that she's so unbelievable.

Yeah, okay Ash you think she's pretty, but is this really the time to be bringing it up?


He crawls along behind Caterpie, watching as it hops back into it's Pokéball. An angry Ash demands that Misty apologise, but she turns her back angrily on him, so he turns and tries to comfort Caterpie through it's Pokéball. They're interrupted, however, by a Pidgeotto flying down and tossing back some worms right in front of them. Ash can't believe his luck, and pulls out his Pokédex to make sure his eyes aren't deceiving him. Dexter tells him that Pidgeotto is an evolved form of the Pidgey, it is armed with sharp claws and dives down from the skies to catch it's prey. Unlike the more gentle Pidgey, Pidgeotto can be dangerous and should be approached with extreme caution.
"All right Pidgeotto," Ash whispers bravely at the cute little bird eating worms a few metres away,"I'll show you who the dangerous one is."
To show just how tough and serious he is, Ash then proceeds to toss an empty Pokéball at Pidgeotto, which the now duly terrified Pidgeotto dismissively slaps away with a wing.
"You don't get it, do you!" snaps Misty... which is exactly right, Ash doesn't get it! She explains that you can't just throw a Pokéball at a Pokémon, you have to make it battle first. The only reason he caught Caterpie was because it's already such a weakling.

Man, what a bitch.


Ash, unable to handle looking bad in front of a girl just like any man, tries to make up for his shortcomings with bluff and bluster, telling her he already knew that and she better stop being so tough on Caterpie. He gets right in her face, holding his fist angrily up to her face as she stares back at him with mild surprise. Most likely not from fear but confusion, as it's obvious to all concerned that she could take him in a New York minute. What the hell a New York minute is, we're not sure, we just know that Ash would wish it was over pretty damn quickly. He throws Caterpie at Pidgeotto to Misty and Pikachu's shock, as they realise what everybody in the world probably realises, that birds tend to eat bugs.

Nice work, Ash. Schmuck.


Ash is, of course, extremely pleased with himself until Misty yells at him that he has no idea of the mistake he just made. "Did I do something wrong?" asks Ash, perplexed, and turns to see Caterpie fleeing in terror as Pidgeotto attempts to scoop it up and cram it down it's throat, enjoying it some soft Caterpie meat.



He calls for Caterpie to counter-attack, which it does admirably, using the dangerous and sometimes lethal get-smacked-over-by-a-stronger Pokémon-and-slammed-hard-into-the-trunk-of-a-tree attack. And he executes it perfectly, by the way. At Misty's insistence he calls Caterpie back, sucking it into it's Pokéball just before Pidgeotto can grab it. The startled bird slams into a tree and gets it beak stuck, pulling free just as Ash sends Pikachu into the fray. Pidgeotto decides to get the hell out of dodge, turning and flying away just as Ash calls for Pikachu to use it's Thundershock attack, hitting Pidgeotto from behind as Ash tosses his Pokéball into the air. Pidgeotto is sucked in and the Pokéball drops to the ground, where it glows red momentarily, shakes a bit, then turns white to indicate that Pidgeotto is now Ash's Pokémon.
"YES!" laughs Ash, twisting around and lifting his fingers in the V for Victory sign,"We got Pidgeotto!"
Pikachu smiles and makes the same gesture before a trumped up Ash turns around, puffs out his scrawny little chest and struts over to Misty.
"I'm the greatest...." he starts.
"YOU'RE THE WORST!" interrupts Misty angrily, "You have no idea what you're doing! It'll be a long time till you're a Pokémon Master, like a million years!"
Ash is crestfallen (and heartbroken) at this rejection and lamely offers, "I was trying to..."
Again Misty interrupts him.
"You should TRY to learn something about Pokémon first! With Pokémon you've got to use strategy. Pidgeotto is a bird! Caterpie is a worm! Birds eat worms, Mr. Pokémon Master!"
"Well if you just try hard enough things will work out, won't they?" offers Ash.

Sorry Ash, that argument didn't hold truck with Dodgemaster Tim's first girlfriend, it won't hold truck with Misty.


Indeed the fiery young red-head appears to be furious, clenching her fists and slamming her foot forward as a startled Ash takes a step back.
"NO ASH! I'm afraid things won't just work out if you try hard enough! The Pokémon Trainer's judgment is more important than anything else! And unfortunately for you, a Trainer has to have a brain!"
Ash reacts in the only way he can think, starting to break down and cry before he is interrupted by a deliciously amused laugh and an altogether to dark voice.
"So, we meet again!"
"I know that voice?" asks Ash, he and Misty turning in time to see a mini-whirlwind on the dirt track before three figures appear in black silhouette and repeat a motto which will become extremely familiar to all (and beloved by The Dodgemasters) in the future.

"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse!"
"James!"
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light."
"Surrender now or prepare to fight."
"MEOWTH! That's right!"

Hmmm, still missing a little something at the beginning, we think, but it's getting there, it's getting there.


"Uh, we're kind of busy now, so if you...." starts Ash, arms behind his head, seemingly very relaxed around these dark and dangerous villains.
"Quiet little boy," snaps Jesse as Meowth leaps backwards up onto her and James' shoulders,"We're not here to listen to you, we're here to get your Pokémon!"
"Hand over that Pikachu!" snaps James, as he and Jesse both point forward towards Pikachu.
"That's my Pikachu!" snaps Ash, "Go out and get our own!"
But Team Rocket aren't interested in any old Pikachu, they think that Ash's Pikachu is an especially rare and valuable one based on the fact that it kicked their asses. Team Rocket hold themselves in very high opinion and can't believe an ordinary little electric rodent could have handed them their asses on a stick like that, so they've convinced themselves that Pikachu is special.

While they explain this, Meowth looks at both of them angrily, getting more and more agitated until finally he leaps off their shoulders and begins to scratch and slap at their beautiful, beautiful faces, demanding that they not give away their secrets. "Is my Pikachu really that special?" asks Ash, which is a real nice thing to be saying in earshot of Pikachu, isn't it you emotionally crippled little bastard. Meowth then explains how he got a real charge out of Pikachu's power (literally!) when they last met, explaining how his potential exceeds his evolutionary limitations. Now it's Meowth's turn to be interrupted, dropped to the ground and viciously kicked several times in the head by an angry Jesse and James. They claim to be mad because he's giving away their secrets, but we think it's more because he spoiled their beautiful faces and perfect hair. When Ash still refused to hand over Pikachu, Jesse and James throw out Ekans and.... KOFFING!

Haha! Celebrate good times, come on! Let's all celebrate, and have a good time! Koffing, greatest Pokémon ever and just oh so happy to be alive is here, bobbing gently in the air, smiling vacantly as his eyes cross ever so slightly or peer off into the distance. Who knows what it is that he sees, all we know is that it makes him happy. KOFFING!

Ash is livid, since sending two Pokémon out against one is cheating, although Jesse claims that all is fair in love, war and Pokémon Battles.
"I say that saying is rotten, and so are you!" snaps Ash angrily, which is probably the equivalent of I know you are but what am I?
"Of course we are, we're the bad guys," replies James. Which again, is the equivalent of sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me. Misty tells Ash that he should use two Pokémon as well, but Ash claims that goes against Pokémon League rules.
"Ash, if you follow the rules all the time, you're going to lose your Pokémon!" she snaps at him.
James, meanwhile, thrusts his rose forward and calls for Koffing to use it's Sludge attack. Koffing happily (as always!) does so, flying into camera shot and spitting a big ol' wad of tobacco juice into Pikachu's face, making it stagger backwards, clutching at it's eyes. Ash scoops up his furry little French rodent and hugs it, then turns to Misty and, with the same forceful command that he used when he took her bike, demands that she look after Pikachu no matter what happens.

Misty looks taken aback, a little of that "take charge MAN' feeling coming through again. Ash doesn't have time for that right now, however, and snaps her back to attention, giving her Pikachu and turning to grab at one of his Pokéballs.
"So what's your big battle-plan?" mocks Jesse. Ash knows he can't send out Caterpie, so instead he tosses out Pidgeotto, which drops before an angry Ekans and delighted Koffing, releasing Pidgeotto.
"Koffing, it's grime time," whispers James dramatically, really getting into his role as a dark villain. It's all an act, of course, which will soon break to reveal the camp, man-loving James who will steal the show and out hearts. Koffing excitedly flies into the air, Koff Koff Koffing with great gusto as he attempts to tackle Pidgeotto, who dodges and twists aside at every move.
"Ekans, go get your dinner!" cries Jesse, and the snake attempts to swallow the bird, which dives aside, then flies straight up and turns for a dive-bomb.
"Pidgeotto, Quick Attack!" yells Ash, the bird-type turning into a feathered dagger flying directly for Ekans.

Jesse commands Ekans underground, forcing Pidgeotto to pull up short of it's attack, flapping madly to stop it's forward momentum, it manages to do so as Koffing bobs gleefully behind it, firing some of it's smog towards Pidgeotto's back. Ash yells a warning and with a flap of it's wings Pidgeotto disperses the attack, then dodges Koffing's sludge as Ekans leaps out of the ground behind it. Misty yells another warning and Pidgeotto dodges aside.... just.

"We're gonna get a Pokémon!" cry Jesse, James and Meowth happily, dancing and holding Team Rocket fans up as they sense victory is imminent. Pidgeotto flies up high, flanked by Koffing and Ekans, attempting to counter-attack with it's Gust Attack, which fails. With it's back turned, Koffing and Ekans are able to double team it, slamming into it, tackling it and bouncing from one to another until Ash has no choice but to recall it. He loses his temper and charges at Team Rocket, stopped easily by James who calmly presses his hand against Ash's forehead, blocking his forward momentum. Ash flails madly like any schoolboy nerd, demanding that James put 'em up, while Team Rocket simply laugh before Meowth explains that in a Pokémon Battle, only Pokémon fight.
"Buzz off," chuckles James, and flicks Ash away with his thumb and forefinger, sending the scrawny little ten year old rolling across the ground. Misty worriedly asks if he's all right while Jesse tells him he has no choice, he has to let Pikachu in so he can watch Team Rocket win.

Hey, it may make no sense, but when you're as hot as Jesse, you don't have to. All hail Jesse!


Misty tries to rub the sludge of Pikachu's face while the angry little French Pokémon demands to be let back into the fight. Ash, meanwhile, is down to his last option, even though it was weak to start with and is now even weaker from it's last fight, he sends out Caterpie as Team Rocket watch with great interest, and then even greater hilarity when they realise it's a bug, a measly little bug! Ekans roars over Caterpie as Koffing koff koff koffings happily away, Caterpie shitting itself and flailing it's arms, which is amusing considering that Ash did the same not a minute earlier.

What does this say about Ash? Is he the Caterpie of humans?


Caterpie cowers in terror as Ekans and Koffing charge closer and closer, and finally Ash remembers the one attack that might be of some use.
"Caterpie! String Shot now!" he yells, and remarkable, it works! Caterpie fires it's String Shot, wrapping around Koffing and dropping him to the ground like the world's happiest Christmas present. It does the same to Ekans, wrapping it's head in String Shot before charging and tackling Koffing, which slams into Ekans and sends them both flying back past Team Rocket. James is so shocked his rose falls out of his mouth.
"Uhhh? Beaten by a Caterpie!?!" he gasps.
"That really bugs me!" snaps Jesse.
Meowth decides to take matters into his own paws, leaping forward and getting a face full of String Shot (you know it isn't the prettiest image in the world, is it.... you hentai freaks know what we're talking about), finding himself wrapped up like an Egyptian Mummy. Jesse and James leap down beside Meowth and scoop him up.
"It's time Team Rocket blasted off," snaps Jesse, and then they turn and run, leaving behind James' rose like something out of Sailor Moon. Jesse doesn't know it, but that throwaway line will evolve into one of the world's most famous catch-phrases, and it all originates in this episode.
"You may have won this round, but we'll be back!" yells James over his shoulder, sounding like every high school geek you ever pummelled for his lunch money.
Ahhh, good times, good times. "Come back any time," invites Misty, "We'll be glad to beat you!"

Ash, being as thick as he is, needs a few moments for it to sink in that they won, and then he's back to his old arrogant self, leaping up and down and throwing his arm into the air. He scoops up Caterpie and tells it he's very proud of it. Next he turns to Misty and presents the worm in his hands to her, asking her if she likes it, asking her to reach out and touch it with her hand. She's a little unsure but he insists, and finally she agrees and tentatively reaches out. Before Misty can touch Ash's worm, however, it loses control and blasts a stream of sticky white fluid into the air.

GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTAS!


You sick freaks, we can't believe you people sometimes! The worm was Caterpie, of course, and Ash wanted Misty to pat it to show it she liked it. Before she could, it fired it's String Shot into the air, tilting it's head back like a fountain and letting it's string fall over itself. Misty realises that it's evolving, the string forming a hard cocoon like object that turns green, dull, detached eyes blinking smoothly, it's expression that of any good English Butler. Dexter informs Ash that this cocoon is Caterpie's next stage of evolution and that it has arrived at it faster than any known member of it's variety. He picks up his Metapod and talks to it, laughing away as Misty watches and goes over all girlish,"I've never meet anyone like him," she coos, "He really does love Pokémon."

She closes her eyes and sighs wistfully, maybe imagining what their wedding day will be like, before Ash manages to ruin the moment by shoving Metapod into her face. She screams as Ash teases her about how she was about to make up with Caterpie, but before she can answer him a flying bug Pokémon zooms by her, scaring her into making an offer that nobody would ever refuse.

Except Ash of course, who is too dim to realise just what Misty means when she tells him that SHE WILL DO ANYTHING if they can just get out of the forest.

Instead Ash excitedly proclaims there are too many Pokémon to be found in this forest and starts chasing the flying bug, Pikachu in tow and Misty helpless to do anything but follow. But, the narrator warns, a darker challenge awaits them both ahead. As indeed it does, for in the next episode Ash will find himself pitted in the greatest Pokémon battle of all time. Metapod Versus Metapod.

And may God have mercy on us all.


BEST QUOTES

"I love my new Pokémon"
"I guess it takes a worm to know a worm"





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