ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
615: The Treasure Is All Mine!	621: Kiken ga Ippai! Kojir? no Takarabako!	Return of the Bondage Queen			James is horrified to be reunited with his fiancé	Married to a life of freedom	Some people weren't made for marriage

Today finds Ash and Dawn in a training battle, Monferno vs. Piplup to help Ash prepare for his Eighth Gym Battle. But as Monferno prepares to use Dig in the battle, it slams its paw against something and runs around with a throbbing hand squeaking in pain. The twerps look in the hole and see a chest, and forget all about poor little pained Monferno to check it out. They try to get it open but it is locked tight, and as Ash struggles to force it open, Team Rocket are watching from the bushes, all of them thinking the same thing....



Brock suggests that they take it to Officer Jenny.... but then suddenly horrifically-accented pirates show up and declare that THEY will take the treasure to Officer Jenny. The long red-haired women pirate grabs the chest and tries to haul it away from Ash who resists as she shouts at him,"TRUST US OR ELSE!"

The twerps demands to know who they are and the pirates can't resist... it's motto time!

"The truth? I'd tell you but your head would explode!"
"Though it's tons of fun reciting this ode!"
"Enuff secret code!"

"Oh boy, you guys," sighs Ash, cutting the motto off as quickly as their terrible disguises.

Jesse demands Ash hand over the treasure chest and Ash tiredly tells Pikachu to blast them off.... and off they blast! As they crash to the ground further off in the forest, James' memory is jogged - the chest belongs to him!

Legitimately!

The trouble is he can't remember what's in it, as a boy he buried the chest out here in the forest, presumably on one of many family outings to one of many family estates. He thinks it might be bottlecaps, or possibly some toys...... or - and this recaptures Jesse and Meowth's attention - an allowance or two!

James' boyhood allowance is nothing to scoff at, and Team Rocket find themselves in the unfamiliar situation of being legally in the right... but how do they prove it? They rush back to the twerps and James tries to convince them that the treasure chest is his. Oddly enough they don't believe him, what with him having a tendency to never stop lying and always telling lies and he lies and is a liar who lies! But then they figure if the chest is REALLY his, then he'll know how to open it. He accepts their challenge and approaches the chest confidently, leaving Jesse and Meowth impressed by his attitude, maybe he really DOES know what he is doi-



Oh. Nevermind.

James "remembers" that the chest is voice password activated and attempts a few combinations of "Open" and Pokémon names, trying variations of his Growlithe's name. But after several tries, the chest activates its security system and actually fires a shot at them, sending Team Rocket blasting off again!

Landing, James "remembers" and Jesse starts throttling him, until he explains that he hasn't remembered the password but the contents of the chest.... and it can never be allowed to be opened! EVER!

Meanwhile the twerps have found a giant palatial estate in the middle of the forest. The gates open and a silver-haired servant comes charging down the driveway, having seen the chest clutched in Ash's arms with his phenomenal vision. It's Sebastian - James' Family Servant - and he proves that the chest is beyond a shadow of a doubt the property of James, showing the sketch of Growlie on the base that James did as a young boy.

Dawwwww.

Sebastian then loses it a little bit, rushing around in a panic calling for James. Ash and Brock explain to a surprised Dawn that James' family is incredibly rich and this is one of the family's many, many, many estates. Meanwhile, James is watching from a bank overlooking the estate, worried that if Sebastian spots him, then he'll call Mummy and Daddy.... and Jessebelle!

Oh my God!

Meowth and Jesse don't remember Jessebelle, since an insane Southern Belle who looks exactly like Jesse and is into hardcore bondage isn't really that memorable a person. Jesse recalls her belatedly and refers to her as a "peach" but both want nothing to do with getting involved with James' "love life" (in that Jessebelle wants to marry James and dominate him in a variety of hideous Sado-Masochistic acts), but he begs them to help if she shows up and finally they agree, and he hugs them in delight.

In the meantime, Sebastian is feeding the twerps tasty cakes and buns as Dawn tries to figure out why a poor little rich kid like James would be hanging around with Team Rocket. Brock not surprisingly has it figured out, considering his own grasping family, James wanted freedom and Team Rocket gives it to him. They're about to tell Sebastian where they found the chest when the doorbell rings and he answers it to discover.... Jessebelle!

And Meowth! In a suit and top hat!

And James!

Sebastian - who picked out the chest clutched in Ash's arms from nearly a mile away - doesn't recognise James thanks to his sunglasses. As he welcomes them in and James and Meowth try to coach Jesse in how to act, Ash vaguely recalls meeting her before (and yet fails to recognise Jesse each week when she wears a pair of eyeglasses!) and Dawn is startled to discover that Jessebelle is James' (unwanted) fiancé.

Jessebelle tells Sebastian that she has come to get the chest, she was asked to by James. Sebastian bursts into tears at the thought that James and Jessebelle are together at last and Meowth demands that "treasure boy" bring the chest down to them. They approach, but as they draw together, Growlie (the puppy Pokémon!) comes leaping down between them and Sebastian reveals that the Growlithe is staying at the manor for the day by a huge stroke of luck. It approaches James sniffing away as he panics that it will recognise him... but you can't fool a Pokémon’s sense of smell! It jumps onto James, tearing his "disguise" away and happily licking his face as the twerps and Sebastian are left agape.

Sebastian collapses down into a hug of James, crying with delight, then gathers himself up with dignity because duty calls.... he has promised James' parents that he will capture James if he finds him, and calls out Spinarak to do just that. James calls out Mime Jr. though and uses Teeter Dance to capture Sebastian up into an undignified dance, then hits a button that drops the servant and Spinarak down a hole in the floor he just so happened to be standing over.

What a tremendous piece of luck.

James approaches Ash and calmly demands HIS chest back, and Ash has no choice but to give it to him. They want to know why he is so eager to get it though, and he dramatically promises to reveal just that. Taking them back up into the waiting room, he begins to tell his tale only to notice that Jesse, Meowth, Brock, Ash and Dawn are more interested in scoffing down their food. Shouting at them, he gets their attention and explains the history of the box.

As a very little James (5-7 years old it seems) he was bored at one of his parents' many, many social events and was hanging out outside on a balcony with Growlie. But then a little girl of a similar age stepped outside, her face masked by a fan. He asked her name and she told him it was impolite to ask a lady her name without first introducing himself... and so he did! But she just walked away, and when he called after her she finally revealed her name to be Jessebelle, leaving him blushing away with his first childhood crush!

Well it was either her or Judy Garland!

So with childish enthusiasm he wrote a note for Jessebelle asking her to marry him, but then panicked that someone other than her might see it... which is when his entirely too pleased with themselves parents showed up. They offered James a treasure chest his father had made for him, one he could put the letter inside. Little James sat staring at them in a panic at his entirely too self-congratulating parents (looking at his face when he sees them, it is obvious that his young childhood life is obviously one stressful panic attack after another despite his vast riches and life of luxury) as they promised him the chest would protect any "secret" he wanted to keep inside with a password of his choosing.

My God, that chest contains the last shred of his childhood heterosexuality, insofar as a little boy can have a sexuality... no wonder he wants no part of it!

James' parents and Jessebelle's parents arranged for them to meet again. But when James tried to take the chest to her the little girl pre-empted him by declaring that she decided that they SHALL be married! She will teach him how to be a proper husband and he will get rid of his Growlithe and also he will get a Skitty and holy fuck a little boy can't deal with this stress! He snapped at her that he didn't want to get married, he wouldn't give up Growlithe, and the marriage (they were FIVE YEARS OLD!) was off. He ran away into the forest, finally collapsing and having Growlithe bury the chest using Dig.... and now all these years later, James is free but Monferno has dug up his past.

Dawn tells him the letter isn't a big deal, but James is horrified, if Jessebelle got her hands on the letter it would be as good as a marriage certificate to her - she'd never ever let him get away from her, she'd get her hooks back into him and tie him back down into that anxious life of stress and phony hobnobbing he so detests.... plus all the sado-masochism! Suddenly the intruder alarm sounds, and James activates the television monitor to reveal that Jessebelle is arriving.... in style!



My God, this woman must be stopped.

Multiple helicopters are flying in, two carrying her in luxuriant laziness between them on a couch. Multiple security men are swarming the building and cutting off exits - Jessebelle means to have her marriage and join the two wealthy families together, and little things like love and dignity and understanding and homosexuality be damned! James roars down an old fashioned call-hose to Sebastian that he turned him in, and Sebastian is revealed down in an old tunnel beneath the house with a phone which he has presumably called Jessebelle on, or at least James' parents. Sebastian bursts into tears (emotional man, that Sebastian) and says it was for his own good, but James is having no part of it. He tells the others that he has routed out an escape for just this eventuality.

In wealthy families, potential marriages and family mergers are planned out like wars.

As Jessebelle enters the mansion, Sebastian smashes his way through the floor to bow at her side (this is a FUCKED UP FAMILY) and then reveals a secret passage that runs behind the central staircase, which he believes James is trying to escape down. Indeed they are, running down the hidden passage as Dawn belatedly asks Ash why they're involved in all of this when it really has nothing to do with them. James stops and correctly points out that the chest would have remained hidden forever if it wasn't for them, then demands that they clean up the mess! They tell him it would be easier if he remembered the password and he tries "Open Carnivine" to no success... and then behind them come thundering Sebastian and Jessebelle, the latter holding her skirt up ladylike as she rushes daintily forward, the former pumping his arms robotically, energised by the sheer will to serve James' family and their interests, a silver-haired terminator butler!



The twerps and Team Rocket take off for the open exit, Ash and Brock piling up boulders against the door as Sebastian attempts to crush his way through and James and Jesse try to guess the password.... and turn the chest into a mini Security-Robot that tries to attack them! Growlie protects them from the first attack, and James asks it to help him destroy the chest and the letter within. Thus, we find ourselves watching a Tiger Puppy wrestling with a miniature robot treasure chest.

I love Pokémon.

The robot changes back into a chest and offers a congratulations for surpassing impact level 233 (or some retardedly high number), and explains that the chest will now "flee" before changing into a rocket and blasting off into the sky!



"The pointlessly amazing things rich people do with their money," mumbles Jesse.

Inside the passage, Jessebelle has Vileplume use Solar Beam (it's a dark underground passage but Vileplume has learned to do as it is told!) to blast through the door and knock Ash and Brock off their feet. She steps out with Sebastian and tells James that she has decided that she has had enough waiting, they will be married now! The wedding will take place at her family estate and his Mummy and Daddy will be there waiting.

James stares at his most dreaded fate and finally accepts it, knowing that he cannot resist the pressures and stresses of his hateful family and their stuffy social events any longer. He asks only that he be allowed to say goodbye to his friends, surprisingly gathering up the twerps in that collection.... where he asks Ash to have Pikachu Thunderbolt them and send them blasting off to a random location!

Ahaha, James will never surrender his freedom!

Jesse and Meowth are less than pleased to learn they'll be getting electrocuted and exploded through the air but James insists they're a team, and Ash agrees to go along with it. Pikachu zaps the fuck out of them, Jessebelle approaching in a panic and then BLAM! Team Rocket are blasting off again.... and James has remembered the password.... it was "Open Password"!

Meowth roars at him for his stupidity, and then finally Jesse comes into view as they soar through the air... only it isn't Jesse, it's Jessebelle! As she squeals to a horrified James,"I do! I do I do I do!", Jesse crashes down onto the sofa outside the Mansion and finds herself surrounded by burly men excited to see her (or rather, Jessebelle).... and strangely enough DOESN'T enjoy all their attention!

And the twerps just walk away, Dawn noting that to call this a bizarre day would be an understatement.... but at least THEY don't have to worry about crap like enforced marriages, social engagements, insane bondage stalkers and family mergers. All they worry about is getting to their next cock-fight or pretty pony show on time!

And for you Gentle Dodgers who look at this episode and say,"James loved Jessebelle when he was a five year old boy with ascended testicles! That means James loves Jesse!" or,"James must be straight, as a tiny boy he expressed a simplistic uncomplicated version of an emotion he wasn't capable of feeling yet!" then I give you exhibit A of why this has no bearing on adult James....



....nuff said.

BEST QUOTES

"We've never met a chest that didn't ring our chesty-chimes!" "No fair, what's so fun about those stupid balls anyway?" "The pointlessly amazing things rich people do with their money."

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