ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
594: Evolving Strategies!	600: Furu Batoru! Shinji Tai Satoshi!! -Kohen-	Idiot Vs Asshole II			Ash and Paul finish their first full-on six on six battle	Struggling to keep up	You kinda can't show up half-assed to a major climactic fight with your rival

Last episode saw Ash and Paul finally throw down in a FULL six on six Pokémon battle. But whereas Paul had been on the back foot going in due to the fact that Pyramid King Brandon had beaten him mercilessly to within an inch of his life without breaking a sweat, it was Paul who seemed to have the upper hand in the battle itself as he changed his usual strategies, working on his prior knowledge of Ash's style while Ash himself has changed NOTHING about his usual strategy (which is go in and have a fight), it seems that Ash is in big trouble. They may be tied up 1-1 as part 2 of their battle begins, but Ash's Pokémon are hurting bad while Paul's are still mostly fresh. If Ash is going to come back to win this, it's going to take....



So it's Pikachu vs. Magmortar, which is bad news for Pikachu because Magmortar lives IN THE VERY HEART OF THE VOLCANO ITSELF and it has a fucking cannon for an arm. Dawn can't figure out why Paul isn't using a Ground Type but Reggie and Brock explain that Paul isn't just strategising based on the current Pokémon he is fighting but ones that may come out in the future. Had he called out a Ground Type, Ash could have recalled Pikachu and sent out Buizel. Pikachu tries a Quick Attack and bounces off of Magmortar, and is then burnt by a burst of flame seemingly from nowhere. This is Magmortar's "Flame Body" ability, which means any direct contact Pikachu makes with it creates the possibility of being burned.

Paul is smirking away like a motherfucker!

Pikachu is still ready to fight though, so Ash has it blast through the ground with Thunderbolt which crashes with incredible intensity into Flamethrower. Ash sends Pikachu in with Volt Tackle and Magmortar throws obstacles in the way with Rock Tomb, forcing Pikachu to burst through the rocks till finally it is knocked over and hit with a fresh burst of Flame Body. Paul has Magmortar use Smog, but Ash has Pikachu use Thunderbolt again... but this time while spinning about on its back which creates a counter-shield that dissipates the fog, astonishing Paul because 1) Ash didn't do anything but say "Thunderbolt! and 2) because what the Christ?

Reggie is impressed, while Magmortar is pissed. Brock explains Pikachu learned it during the battle with Fantina, but Flame Body is still burning Pikachu. Magmortar uses Flamethower but Pikachu gets above and delivers a shot of Iron Tail straight to Magmortar's head. Ash tells Pikachu to take a quick break and sends in Buizel to THROW DOWN WITH MAGMORTAR THE GIANT, BROTHER! THE PONTIAC SILVERDOME WILL CRACK AND ALL THE LITTLE BUIZELMANIACS WILL CLUTCH ONTO THE LARGEST ARMS IN THE WORLD TO SWIM THE DEEPEST OCEAN AND CLIMB THE HIGHEST MOUNTAIN, DUDES!

Buizel smashes headfirst into Magmortar with Aqua Jet, knocking it back a step, then throws a Water Pulse at it. But Magmortar blocks it with Rock Tomb, and Buizel comes in with Aqua Jet.... but Magmortar has leapt into the air and throws a smog down onto Buizel before being recalled so Paul can send in... Ursaring!

Oh God, Buizel is going to get raped!

Buizel uses Water Gun and Ursaring counters by.... PUNCHING WATERGUN OUT OF THE AIR!

It roars and uses Bulk Up to increase its offense and defence, but Ash decides... he doesn't care! Buizel comes in with Aqua Jet and smashes directly into Ursaring..... and Ursaring goes ahead and punches it anyway!

Ursaring tries Focus Blast but Buizel spins with Aqua Jet to shatter Focus Blast and sends it drilling back into Ursaring. Ash of course gets stupidly overexcited and asks Paul what he thinks of their little Counter Shield, and Paul reacts by setting Ursaring into RAAAAAAAAAPE mode, screaming through Sonic Boom with Hammer Arm and CLOTHESLINING BUIZEL INTO THE GROUND! There is not a Pokémon alive who could handle such a blow, Buizel has been hammered INTO THE GROUND by the rape-faced Ursaring and Ash knows he has to recall it before the ref sees that it is knocked the fuck ou-

HE'S BUIZELING UP!

Arms shaking, lips spluttering, Buizel all but gets up, takes two punches to the face, points at Ursaring and roars,"YOUUUUU!"

Buizel gives Ash the thumbs up, then zooms at Ursaring with Aqua Jet... directly into Focus Blast and gets knocked the hell out!



Ahhhhh man.

Ash recalls Buizel and Reggie tells Brock that this was poor judgment on Ash's part, he should have recalled Buizel. Ash doesn't have time (or the brains) for recriminations though. He sends Staraptor back out to drill the fuck out of Ursaring's face with Aerial Ace, avoiding Ursaring's Hammer Arm. Paul goes back to the Focus Blast well and scores a shot on Staraptor, but it takes it and goes in for Close Combat... and gets SLASHED ACROSS THE FACE. Ursaring then Hammer Arms two clubbing blows right into Staraptor and smashes it into the ground and knocks the brave bird right the hell out... Ash is getting his ass kicked!

Paul recalls Ursaring and sends in Electabuzz, and Ash finally sends in Chimchar. Flamethrower bounces off of Protect and Electabuzz follows up with Light Screen, and Paul recalls Electabuzz immediately and sends in Torterra, which will be hurt from before but is now protected by Light Screen. Chimchar moves in with Flame Wheel, but Torterra fires Stone Edge at it, then takes control of the chips of stone and sends them after Chimchar to hit it from behind. Light Screen protects Torterra again from Chimchar's Flamethrower, and Ash has to recall it for now, causing Team Rocket (working as the ref's assistants and struggling to keep up with the monitor's tracking of the active Pokémon) to angrily complain at both Ash and Paul to make up their goddamn minds!

Ash sends in Gliscor, figuring that even with Light Screen, Torterra has to be hurting and maybe one big X-Scissor can finish it off. Torterra uses Frenzy Plant to knock Gliscor out of the air with vines and... Gliscor is knocked out!?!

What the hell!?!

Ash is getting his ASS KICKED!

Pikachu wants to go in but electric types will do little against Torterra. But Pikachu insists, and Ash figures that speed will have to do.... and Paul recalls Torterra and sends Ursaring back in!

Don't rape Pikachu! Nintendo doesn't need the bad PR!

Ash is struggling to think things through, guessing that Paul's strategy is to just not let up at all. So Ash will have to show off HIS strategy - just running and hitting shit! Pikachu zooms in with Quick Attack and GETS PUNCHED RIGHT IN THE FUCKING BELLY!

Hell of a strategy there, Ash.

But as Pikachu is sent flying backwards through the air, it recovers from the blow AND Ursaring is suddenly shocked by a blast of static. Much like Magmortar earlier, Pikachu has an ability to paralyze an opponent with its Static ability. Pikachu moves right in and smashes Ursaring in the head with Iron Tail... but it is still burning from Flame Body... and Ursaring appears to have become Enraged, so angry that it absorbs a full blast of Thunderbolt and pitches Pikachu into Lake Acuity!

Goddamn!

As Ash rushes into the lake hoping to find Pikachu, Ursaring screams and roars with rape fury, it's "Guts" ability activated. Pikachu struggles out of the water and then collapses, knocking it out of the battle, and Ash realises that it's down to his one Pokémon against Paul's five.... but all five are hurt, so maybe......

Chimchar moves in with Flame Wheel and is Slashed into the air, but hits a full blast of Flamethrower on Ursaring and then digs into the ground. Ursaring Hammer Arms the ground... or tries to, but Chimchar is too fast and launches out of the ground and slashes Ursaring in the face, then Flamethrowers it at point blank range and..... KNOCKS IT OUT!

THE RAPE BEAR IS DOWN!

So it's down to Paul's 4 against Ash's 1, and Paul seems less than impressed as he recalls Ursaring. Ash thanks Chimchar for finally putting down one of Paul's Pokémon, it smiles, nods and.... EVOLVES!

Reggie is delighted, saying this demonstrates the trust that Ash and his Pokémon have in each other, while a delighted Monferno uses Mach Punch for the first time to kick up the wind in Paul's slightly frowning face. He sends in Electabuzz, which smirks and then looks surprised to see Monferno, before apparently getting into the idea of throwing down with the fire monkey.

Reggie says that Chimchar wasn't suited to Paul's training style but meshed perfectly with Ash's. He says there is no "right or wrong" about it, and this match - no matter who wins or loses - will make both trainers better in the long run. Brock declares that THIS is why Reggie suggested the battle, and it is to his credit that Reggie doesn't reply,"Well DUH!"

Monferno zooms in with Mach Punch, moving so fast that Electabuzz doesn't even have time to react. It gapes as Monferno suddenly appears before it, sinking a fist right into its fat belly and sending it crashing back into a rock.

It comes back with Thunder but Monferno blocks it, taking a static charge but coming back with Flame Wheel. It bounces off of Protect and blasts Flamethrower at Electabuzz, dodging Thunder punch and digging into the ground, then coming back out and scoring an Uppercut. It Flamewheel/Spins/Flamethrowers directly through Thunder and scores a direct shot full into Electabuzz.

Paul is on the back foot and can do nothing but defend, Protecting against Mach Punch again. But then suddenly he comes out of defensive mode and hits Thunder directly, paralyzing Monferno with static as it struggles to use Flamethrower. Paul begins to smirk again.... and then his mouth falls open as Monferno's flame bursts into life and it decides YO FUCK YOUR GODDAMN STATIC and charges in with Mach Punch as Electabuzz charges in with Thunder Punch and THEY PUNCH EACH OTHERS PUNCHES!



The two shots crash together and smoke covers the field, finally clearing to show both Pokémon still standing.... and then Monferno falls!

Paul wins! Paul beat Ash!

Daaaaaaaaaaammmmmnnnnnn!!!!!

The sun is beginning to set as Paul recalls Electabuzz and Ash picks up Monferno. Reggie and the others step forward and Reggie tells Paul that it was an amazing battle, and Paul smiles in a way that somehow ISN'T a smirk and says only,"Yeah, it sure was."

He nods to the ref, tells Reggie he will send him his Pokémon, then turns and walks away leaving Ash holding Monferno and the others standing by his side.



He never even looks at Ash.

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