ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
593: Pedal to the Mettle!	599: Furu Batoru! Shinji Tai Satoshi! -Zenpen-	Idiot Vs Asshole I			Ash and Paul have their first full-on six on six battle	Paid spectators	You can be ahead on points and still be losing the fight

"Finally, Lake Acuity!" proclaims Ash, and goddamn is he right! Finally!

Actually it's only been a couple of episodes since they said they'd go, this is so much better than Johto! The twerps are really putting the....



They've arrived at Lake Acuity for Ash and Paul to have their first FULL Pokémon Battle, a six on six match. Not only that, but the legendary Pokémon Uxie is supposed to live around these parts too. All in all, it's very exciting!

At the Pokémon Centre, Ash hands in his Pokéballs (and Pikachu!) on a tray to Nurse Joy, and Brock tries to get his mack on only to be ass-punched by Croa- Chansey! Croagunk looks slightly bemused by this and drags Brock out of there anyway, while Joy explains that Chansey reacts this way to people who approach her in a "certain way" (dick first!). Ash asks if Paul has arrived yet and she tells him he handed in his Pokémon and has gone to the battlefield.... so Ash barrels out the door full-tilt, ignoring Joy's call to him that he doesn't actually know where the battlefield is.

Outside, Team Rocket are in coveralls (that sadly, cover all) as they get in some legitimate work on a construction site, including James driving a truck and wearing a fake handlebar moustache... just because! Apparently the battlefield was demolished (either over time or at the last battle) and they're putting it all back together - making their way legitimately and.... THE TWERP!

Covering up for Meowth's verbal slip, Jesse and James explain to Ash that the battlefield needs sprucing up and won't be ready for 2-3 days....

JOHHHHTTOOOOOOOO!!!!

....leaving Ash to wonder what he will do in the meantime. Just then a young man arrives apparently knowing who Ash is. His name is Olivier, a travelling referee, who has come to Lake Acuity at Reggie's request. Ash tells him that the battlefield is damaged, but Olivier assures them that Reggie has a back-up plan.

Ahahaha, fuck you Johto!

Meanwhile, Reggie is sitting watching Paul train his Pokémon, impressed with the way he has perfected moves in only 10 days. Paul asks why Reggie wanted to see him battle Ash and Reggie replies that Paul seemed a little down after getting his ass handed to him in a flawless victory by Brandon who beat Paul with absolute and utter ease without a single problem demolishing Paul in every respect possible and humiliating him totally as if he was Giovanni waking up somewhere with no memory but a certainty that somehow he's been UTTERLY defeated. Remember? That match? The one between Brandon and Paul.... the same Brandon that Ash has beaten at the Battle Frontier. Brandon. The guy who thrashed Paul. Easily. Without breaking a sweat. That Brandon.

Anyways, Reggie thinks Paul might be feeling a little down after the utter drubbing he received from Brandon (who beat Paul clean and easy like it wasn't nothing but a thing) so a battle against Ash was probably the perfect thing for him (perhaps because Ash has beaten Brandon himself but is using a brand new team and Paul actually stands a chance against him now, since Ash beat Brandon in the past with his old team. Brandon. The guy who beat Paul to a pulp without stopping to blink).

At the Pokémon Centre, Nurse Joy has given all of the Pokémon a clean bill of health, and Chimchar is REALLY eager to throw down with Paul's Pokémon. As Chimchar and Ash celebrate, Brock reminds Dawn of Cynthia's words about life meeting life and starting something new blah blah blah, and points out that Chimchar is the link between Paul and Ash.

That and they've both fought Brandon, who Ash beat but Paul didn't. Because Paul lost to Brandon. Easily. He was destroyed.

They arrive at Reggie's back-up plan (he found an open bit of ground and said,"Let's fight on this open bit of ground") and face off with the frowning Paul. Reggie attempts to make nice, telling Ash that it was destiny that Paul and Ash be rivals due to their complete differences and eerie similarities. Reggie tells them that this is important to their evolution as trainers, and a confused Ash says,"Me... evolve?"

Oh Ash.

Just then Olivier the Referee arrives.... in a balloon.... that he could have brought the twerps in. What a jerk!

He lands the balloon and hops out, revealing his three assistants - Team Rocket! All in black and wearing veils for absolutely no reason!* They hit a button and the balloon is replaced by a large flatscreen monitor that shows Ash and Paul's faces and six spots each for their Pokémon.

* Okay, so it's because in traditional Japanese theatre the stagehands wear all black so they don't stand out/distract from the actors/major audience focus... but shut up! Because it's time! It's time for the first full on six on six, substitutions allowed Pokémon Battle between Ash and Paul!

Woohoo!

Ash calls heads on the coin toss (using the monitor, rendering Dawn as nothing but a mini-skirt) and wins it, meaning he gets to begin. His first Pokémon out is Buizel, so Paul sends out Torterra, which looms high over Buizel like Andre the Giant ready to throw down with the Hulkster at Wrestlemania 3, brudda!

But as Team Rocket put Buizel and Torterra up on the screen, Ash recalls Buizel, apologising to it but noting that Torterra puts it at a type disadvantage. He calls out Gliscor and asks if Paul recognises it as the Gligar they both once encountered.

"......." says Paul.

Gliscor kicks things off with Sand Attack to obscure the field as Reggie and Brock compete to provide the best expert commentary, ignored by their audience of one - Dawn - who is focusing completely on the match. Paul has Torterra use Giga-Drain, but the glowing green claws that slam into the ground where Gliscor WAS turn out to be useless, as Gliscor has hopped up and caught the wind to hold position in the air.

But while Dawn is impressed, Brock and Reggie believe that Paul deliberately intended Torterra to miss in order to make Ash feel overconfident. Gliscor hits a point-blank X-Scissor but Torterra takes it and comes back with Frenzy Plant.... but Gliscor dodges, leaving Torterra temporarily paralyzed, and Gliscor hammers home the advantage with Fire fang, then X-Scissor, and then Steel Wing, hitting Torterra each time.... but on the last move, Paul orders Torterra to "Crunch", and as Gliscor connects, Torterra grabs its tail in its maw and won't release it, leaving Gliscor to flail about madly.

Paul, you jerk!

Torterra uses Giga-Drain point-blank, absorbing Gliscor's energy as it struggles to get free. Ash shouts encouragement while Brock notes that Paul's strategy was to predict that Ash would see a paralyzed Torterra as an irresistible target. But Ash isn't done yet, getting Gliscor to use Fire fang to blast clear of Torterra. Obviously hurt, Ash recalls it to its Pokéball leaving Torterra panting roughly but still standing... and Paul won't recall it!

Ash sends out Staraptor and Reggie notes that it must be the evolved form of the Staravia he once fought, and Brock notes that it beat Paul's Honchkrow in a Pokéringer match. Reggie is impressed, it takes something to beat THE MAYOR OF BIRDTOWN.

But again, Paul has done his homework, and as Staraptor swoops in with Brave bird, he has Torterra use Stone Edge, sending rocks flying straight into the rocketing Staraptor and.... knocking it straight into the ground with a sickening smash.

That was almost as dominant as Brandon's win over Paul!

Reggie asks Brock if Ash actually bothered to develop a strategy for facing Paul, such as using different Pokémon, and Brock has to admit the truth - that Ash ONLY has these Pokémon he picked up in Sinnoh (and Pikachu!) to battle with. Reggie explains that Paul has obviously planned his strategy based on previous encounters with Ash, and since Ash has no other Pokémon, then it looks like a strategy that will work!

Paul recalls Torterra and sends out Weavile as Staraptor struggles to its feet, the only thing keeping it going the fact that Emo-Birds like Staraptor thrive on the misery and despair of life. It insists it can still battle and swoops in with Quick Attack, Weavile taking it and then using Swords Dance, in which it... TURNS ITS GODDAMN HANDS INTO SWORDS! It counters an attack from Staraptor with Blizzard and Metal Claw, proving to be faster than Staraptor which astonishes Brock, and Ash has no choice but for Staraptor to fight at close quarters with Close Combat, smacking around Weavile which lays in its own hits. Ash orders another Brave Bird and Paul goes back to the well with another Blizzard, but this time Brave Bird pushes through and connects with Weavile, but Staraptor itself is hurt and it seems... yes.... yes, the first Pokémon of the battle falls. And it is......

WEAVILE!

It is one of Paul's Pokémon which is the first to fall! First blood to Ash.... but at a heavy cost!

Paul recalls Weavile with a stern expression and Ash suddenly seems to realise that he needs to stop celebrating and get back to business. He recalls Staraptor and Paul sends out Electabuzz, so Ash sends in Grotle, confused as to why Paul is going with an Electric Type.

It's soon shown when Electabuzz uses Light Screen to form a shining box that absorbs Grotle's Energy Ball, and then Paul swaps out Electabuzz for.... THE GODDAMN MAYOR OF BIRDTOWN! IT'S HONCHKROW!

Brock explains to Reggie that Grotle fought Honchkrow once before when it was Turtwig, and evolved during the battle. It doesn't like Honchkrow, but Dawn has to admit that being a Flying Type (and a Mayor type!) it has the advantage over the grounded Grotle. And Paul... oh God.... oh dear God no Paul shows an actual emotion and it is HORRIFYING!

No wonder he barely shows emotion, he's a monster!

Grotle uses Razor Leaf but Honchkrow dodges them and comes in with Nightslash, scoring a direct shot on Grotle's nose. Grotle shakes it off and tries Energy Ball, but Light Screen reforms on Honchkrow! Electabuzz's earlier move remains in place to protect Honchkrow!

Goddamn!

Dawn notes that Paul really is using a different style this time, and Brock notes that normally they see Paul testing the strength of his Pokémon or developing their skills, but not this time. Ash is being left without time to build a solid strategy, reacting rather than being proactive, and in his efforts to keep Grotle going he calls for Synthesis at exactly the wrong time, leaving it wide open to Honchkrow's attack and leaving it down and... out!

It's 1-1!

And so it seems that Ash is on the back foot and incapable of recovering from such a terrible start. It might be 1-1 in terms of knockouts, but Ash's Pokémon have been pushed hard and are mostly hurting, while Paul's are mostly still a-ok. And that's when Ash's number one player decides to step up to the plate, the Pokémon that has taken him to more victories than Paul has had hot dinners.

Pikachu!

And Paul's reaction? As always, it's to be utterly indifferent and fully prepared!

Ooooooh shit!

Paul has evolved his Magmar into Magmortar! Shit has hit the fan now and it's up to Ash's top Pokémon to deal with a demon of fire that comes straight from THE VERY HEART OF THE VOLCANO ITSELF!



Ladies and Gentlemen. Shit is about to get real.

BEST QUOTES

"Me... evolve?"

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