ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
591: Pillars of Friendship!	597: Fukkatsu no Rejigigasu! Je Futatabi!	Battle of the Bad-Asses			Brandon and the twerps try to save an unfathomable alien mind from Pokémon Hunter J	Even death can't stop them partying	J does it for the money, not the love

Last episode saw the return of Brandon and the Battle Pyramid, and Paul.... GETTING HIS MOTHERFUCKING ASS KICKED!

At the end of the episode a date was set for another match-up between Ash and Paul, but then a warning came from Brandon's assistant that something was wrong at the temple on the outskirts of Snowpoint City. So now Brandon and the twerps are off to investigate in true Scooby-Doo fashion! Watching from the cheap seats are Team Rocket, and Jesse knows who the mysterious people must be.... them!

Meowth and James point out that they're kind of.... standing where they are and not somewhere else, but Jesse insists this must be the only answer, and that's why they're going to follow the twerps and find out how!

Well.... okay!



The Pyramid sails over the snowy treetops of the forest, Team Rocket clinging on desperately to the side trying not to fall off to their death. Inside, Brandon has Maria tell the twerps the Legend of the Snowpoint Temple - long in the past a volcano erupted and covered the forest in lava. But then Regigigas appeared and along with the other Regi-Pokémon they sealed the volcano and saved Snowpoint City from destruction. Then Regigigas transformed into a stone of light, and the other Regis transformed into three guardian pillars of Rock, Ice and Steel, contained inside the Snowpoint Temple.

So what do the mysterious people want? Probably Regigigas, and outside Team Rocket (who overheard somehow) are delighted to hear they can steal the legendary Pokémon and give it to the Boss.

Yes, that WOULD impress him!

But as Team Rocket celebrate, they forget that they're clinging desperately onto a giant pyramid hurtling through the air 1000 feet or so up and promptly.... fall off!

Oh well, nice knowing them!

Inside the Pyramid, Brandon's assistant brings up an exterior shot of the temple.... somehow..... and Ash spots Pokémon Hunter J! Maria doesn't know who she is, but Brandon is more than aware of her, and the idea of getting to see him throw down with J is pretty goddamn fantastic.

J's goons see the Pyramid approaching and immediately report to their boss, who for once doesn't react with utter disdain. She KNOWS that Brandon ain't one to fuck with, and has her boys go all out, with flocks of Metang and Skarmory going absolutely apeshit blasting at the rudders of the Pyramid, forcing it into an emergency landing within the forest.

J don't fuck about!

Brandon says they'll take the Mini-Craft to the Temple, leaving Sam the Assistant behind to repair the Pyramid (Sam has no objection!) and off they go, attacked by the same amount of Pokémon as before but now in a much smaller, more exposed craft!

And Pikachu and Piplup fight them all off and get them through and into the Temple unmolested!

Inside, J has reached the three pillars. She plans to destroy them with Salamence in order to awaken Regigigas, and she doesn't just talk about it, she does it! The Rock and Ice Pillars are destroyed and only the steel remains when Brandon arrives. Maria warns that awakening Regigigas would be disastrous but J isn't the type to make useless speeches and just straight up destroys the pillar! The sphere supposedly holding Regigigas begins to glow, but nothing else happens, and J doesn't plan to wait around. She has Salamence use Flamethrower on the sphere and.... shit goes down!

And Regigigas wakes the fuck up!

And it is PISSED!

REALLY PISSED!

J tells them they should thank her and prepares to freeze it into stone, and the monstrous unfathomable mind of the THING notices her for the first time.... and for the first time, J looks a little out of her depth. She panics and tells Salamence to use Dragon Pulse, and Regigigas reminds why it is the Big Dog in this situation.

J retreats as Regigigas goes apeshit, and Brandon knows that the Temple won't last much longer. He calls out his Regis to help protect them as they cheese it out of there, and even with that Legendary Protection they only barely manage to get out before the Temple collapses in on itself.

But at least, Regigigas is contained, Brock mentioning that the Pokémon that can move continents with ropes couldn't possibly escape from all that rubble.... thus enacting the "even X can't Y" clause of movies that almost immediately causes X to Y!

J and her troops have fallen back to "Point C" to check on their target (ooooh, mysterious!) leaving Brandon to deal with the rampaging Regigigas. He tells Ash that their only real hope is if he (Brandon) can capture Regigigas, which is a tall order even for the incredibly competent Brandon, and he fights dirty by sending in all three of his Pokémon at once.

And Regigigas begins beating the shit out of ALL of them at once!

In a last ditch desperate effort, Brandon has Regice freeze Regigigas AND Registeel and Regirock into place. As they take the brief breather, J watches from a distance, apparently this is Point C.

J Goon #1: So.... uhhh... we're supposed to go to Point C, right?
J Goon #2: Yeah.....
J Goon #1: So.... how are we supposed to get onto the back of her Salamence?
J Goon #2: We really can't.
J Goon #1: And she'll dock us our bonuses for not following orders, right?
J Goon #2: Pretty much, yep.
J Goon #1: Christ... she is such a bitch.

Up at Point C, J comments to herself that she'll let Brandon tire out Regigigas and then swoop in and take it for herself.... and you know, for as dangerously competent as J can be, that's a pretty Jesse level of strategy.

Regigigas cracks out of the ice, of course, and Regice Zap Cannons it straight up in the face. Regirock and Registeel blast it as well and it drops to a knee as Brandon prepares to use his Pokéball to capture it... and gets captured himself!

J's Ariados has wrapped them up, and now J means to capture Regigigas. Ash tries to alter reality through use of his voice again, screaming,"NO WAY!", and Regigigas.... has a few things of its own to say!

Red light shines across it and Brandon cries out that it is Confuse Ray! The dots on Brandon's Regis glow in turn, and then apparently under Regigigas' unspoken instruction they attack J in unison!

....you know, Brandon's mouth isn't covered, he could just as easily have ordered them to do the same thing....

All the Regis begin moving away, and Maria notes that just like in the legend, the three Regis have become the "pillars" that protect Regigigas. J decides to return to Point C (oh so there IS a point C!) while Brandon gets his hands enough free range of motion to get to his Pokéballs and try to recall his Regis.... but they ignore the red beams and actually blast at Brandon himself!

That's never happened before! Ash proceeds to have a fit.

The Regis are drawing ever closer to a nearby town (not Snowpoint City), observed by a surviving Team Rocket who are hiding on the branch on an absolutely ENORMOUS tree. They plan to try and capture Regigigas (ahahaha!) when they're sent blasting off again by a completely random and stray burst from the Regis.

Meanwhile, Brandon and the twerps are trying to get of their bindings when suddenly Brock goes over all gooey with Maria (who he is tied up with). This is ridiculous, why Brock would just all of a sudden become enamoured with her out of nowhere halfway through an episode is silly... until we discover there is a reason for his romance! Croagunk emerges from its Pokéball and crotch-punches him, tearing apart the webbing, and they realise that he deliberately provoked it into stabbing him in the junk.

Now that's commitment!

Shortly after they're all free and flying in the minicraft after the Regis, Brandon communicating with Sam to get the Pyramid repaired and warn Officer Jenny.

Meanwhile, J's ship appears uncloaked in the sky above "Point C" where J and her troops are waiting. She has ordered them to take out the Regis but not damage the "merchandise", which he can assume is Regigigas. They blast straight through the Regis' hyperbeams and shatter the ground beneath Regigigas, then blast it with liquid adhesive, trapping it in place and ending the Confuse Ray holding sway over the Regis. Regigigas struggles to pull free, and raises one arm enough to wing J's ship with a massive Hyper-Beam. She orders it to pull back out of range, then starts firing her "petrify" ray at Regigigas in an attempt to capture it. But one by one the Regis leap in the way, getting frozen and crashing to the ground till only Regigigas is left, it's incoherent rage finally fading. Brandon suddenly tells Brock to take the controls and leaps out of the Mini-Craft, falling into the path of the next blast and becoming frozen himself, his "statue" dropping into Regigigas' hand.

J is pissed at the constant interference but figures it is over now, but once more the twerps interfere, having Pikachu and Piplup blast at her Salamence. It takes the blast and fires a Dragon Pulse back at them, but Regigigas tears tree of the adhesive goo holding it (which has hardened now) and steps into the path, taking the blast and sending it back, shattering J's petrify ray. But she's got more tricks up her sleeve, and a weakened Regigigas and some twerps and a nun ain't going to stop her.... until finally she encounters something she truly fears.

A retracted commission!

It seems the buyers were scared off by all the commotion created, and with no financial incentive she loses all interest in Regigigas and her and her troops retreat, leaving behind the statues. The twerps are at a loss over what to do, and Maria turns to Regigigas (now no longer enraged and thus capable of listening) and begs it to help, as they tried everything they could to protect its slumber and beg forgiveness for their failure. The bizarre, alien mind turns over these words in its unknowable consciousness and comes to a conclusion.... that being "sure, why the hell not?"

Using Hidden Power, Regigigas returns the Pokémon and Brandon back to their living forms. With this done, it returns back to its sphere form, apparently deciding to go back to sleep for another unfathomable length of time in its monstrous non-life. Brandon kneels before the sphere and asks it to trust its future to him, and they return to the temple. Brandon promises that he will rebuild the temple and use his Regis to act as the "pillars" that protect its sleep, asking Maria if she will help him.

Well, it's her temple, I guess it's nice that he asks if she wants to stick around in it!

She agrees of course, and the episode ends with order restored.... until the next time someone with a bunch of money asks a heartless bitch with her own personal army to go and disturb it! I guess this story is....

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