ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
586: Old Rivals, New Tricks!	592: Pokémon Pinpon Taikai! Etebosu Ganbaru!	Ping Pong? So Long!			Ambipom changes career paths AGAIN!	Victims of poor officiating	Being a trainer means... fobbing off important decisions onto semi-sentient fun-loving monkeys.

Today opens with.... Pokémon Ping Pong!

Today finds the twerps still sticking around in SandalStraw Town, as Ash has taken Barry up on his (insistent) suggestion that they play Pokémon Ping Pong. As Ash and Barry overexcitedly practise their swings, Dawn points out that she doesn't actually know the rules of Pokémon Ping Pong. Barry (and Ash for some reason) are surprised, and Barry explains the relatively simple rules. A trainer and his Pokémon team up, the trainer always serves, the Pokémon can use any part of its body as a paddle, first team to 11 points wins the game, and first one to win 3 games wins the match.

Well that all sounds reasonable, and Dawn is keen to take part as well. They should do fine, if past tournaments they just randomly enter without practising are any indication, as long as they remember...



At the arena, the twerps register by writing down their names and who their Pokémon will be. Ash will use Pikachu, Dawn will use Piplup, and Brock declares that he and Piplup will.... uhhh..... they'll sit up in the bleachers and watch.

Oh goody for Piplup.

Dawn uses her useless, extraneous and unnecessary coin flip app to see who will serve first in a practise match between her and Ash at the tables outside the arena. They begin smacking the ball back and forth till Pikachu finally gets a hit and Ambipom slaps it back.... with authority!

The ping pong ball zips past on fire straight at a watching man, but he calmly lifts his hand and catches it hard against his palm. He look at the ball with a smile and tells Dawn that Ambipom is highly skilled and is obviously highly trained... and Dawn tells him that it's actually their first time playing Ping Pong ever.

Told ya! They always show up at some major tournament/contest and just jump straight in and thrash people who have been training all their lives!

The man gives them some advice for the tournament and walks away, and Brock shows them a magazine showing a picture of the same man playing ping pong! An undetermined amount of time later, the contestants enter the arena for the tournament, where they have already been paired off . Amongst the tournament brackets can be spotted what is obviously Jesse with Meowth, and Ash and Dawn realise that if they win their first round matches (against a fat nerdy freak and a skinny nerdy freak respectively) then they'll be competing against each other. Barry won't encounter them unless they make it to the semi-finals, something that Barry smugly tells them won't happen, and then they spot "that guy" from earlier on a separate bracket to the other competitors.

Barry is shocked to see him, and tells Ash and Dawn that "that guy" is the world's best Pokémon Ping Pong player, who travels the world looking for great players and their Pokémon and raising awareness of Pokémon Ping Pong.

Haha, what a scam!

Just then one of the organisers calls the competitors over to see them, as up in the stands.... things get weird! A disguised (why?) James finds himself sitting next to Brock, and panics as Brock tries to make a new friend and asks him if he knows anyone playing. James tells him a chum is playing for the first time and as a result, his (James') heart is all a flutter. Brock agrees, saying his friends are first timers too, and both odd men grab their (own!) hearts and chant,"Pitter pitter pat pat! Pitter pitter pat pat!" while rocking back and forth. Brock enthusiastically tells James that he can't believe they've never met before (why the hell would they have eve.... ahhh fuck it) and they slap arms over each other's shoulders and squeeze together in delight as Piplup stares up at them confused... and it's really no surprise! Down on the floor, the judges are showing the contestants their prize - a year's supply of Pokémon food and golden balls!

Meowth loves golden balls!

Jesse - wearing a Dawn level of short skirt - angrily shouts him down and reminds him that a talking Pokémon will draw attention, especially from the twerps. They all pair off against their first round opponents, and a suddenly extremely nervous Ash shouts over to Dawn to remember they're there to have fun... and Dawn points out he's holding a fan rather than a paddle! He drops it in panic and grabs his paddle, and Pikachu stares nervously at Ash's shaking, quivering legs as it realises it is going to have to carry the load for their team.

But as they prepare to play, one of the judges points out to "Jesselina" that her Meowth can't hold a paddle, it's against the rules. Rather fairly, Jesse points out that her opponent's Marowak is holding a bone club, but the judge (rather unfairly) says that it has been ruled that the bone is legal. This infuriates Jesse who prepares to argue, till Meowth hauls back on her hair.

Oh like you wouldn't.

He smirks at her crotch and then tells her that he doesn't need a paddle, and Jesse smugly tells the judge that a genius of her level probably needs a handicap anyway. The judge blinks and tells her that genius or not, the rules apply to everyone.

Well, everyone but that Marowak.

Each table tosses a coin to decide who starts first, and Jesse's opponent serves straight to Meowth who shows off his ability by using Fury Swipes to... slice the ping pong ball in three! Oh no!

Jesse is horrified, Meowth is horrified, and the judge rules that in addition to the ball being destroyed, Meowth used a move, which is not allowed, and they're both out of the contest!

Ash faces off against fatty and his Farfetch'd, and things seem to be fairly even as the pace picks up and finally one gets past Ash only for Pikachu to save it. That one gets past fatty but Farfetch'd saves the day and Ash takes it in the face, giving fatty the point.

Meanwhile Dawn's opponent has the advantage thanks to Alakazam and its tricky psyching out of whether it will hit with the left or right. Ambipom saves her though thanks to its double ass-hands, and the tournament continues on with Ash losing his first round match while Dawn continues on defeating her opponents and Barry follows suit.

Wait... Ash was actually beaten in the first round by people who have devoted their lives to a sport he only just started that very day? Has the world gone.... sane?

Backstage, a furious Jesse tells Meowth to build them a robot and he points out that their purse is emptier than a twerp's head. She storms off angrily, while up in the stands Ash rejoins Brock and his new friend Fu Jameschu, where Ash tells them he let Pikachu down but at least Dawn is doing well with Ambipom.

Dawn faces off against the team that beat Jesse and Meowth, and it's a close match as Dawn leads 10-9 against him and "that guy" watches on, amazed at how well they're doing for what is supposedly their "first" time. The ping pong ball gets past Dawn and Ambipom dives for the save, just managing to smack it back before it hits the floor, driving it with force at Marowak which struggles to send it back with its bone club. But the club is overpowered and knocked out of its hand, and a good thing too, because Jesse was right and having that club IS cheating, and it deserves to lose!

Up in the stands, James notes to himself that the secret of Dawn's success is clearly Ambipom, while just behind him Jesse and Meowth arrive in their seats and Jesse is - to make an understatement - less than pleased!

She mutters that Ambipom should be hers since they won the Festival Contest together back when it was Aipom. But as she scowls and growls, Dawn and Ambipom are announced as getting a well deserved break while Barry finds himself facing "that guy" - whose name is..... O. All by itself, O, that's his name.

Oh yeah, and his Pokémon is Shiftry - the Rape Pokémon.

Suffice to say, the still smug Barry is not going to be the....



Ambipom continues on, finally getting her shot against O and Shiftry for the final of their block of competition. But that raping Shiftry prove too much for Dawn's short skirt as they lose their first game. Dawn finds herself fighting panic as she imagines O and Shiftry leering over her ready to rape (a major problem in Pokémon Ping Pong Contests) but Ambipom and its ass-hand-udders seems unconcerned, and gives Dawn confidence to continue. But as she tries to return an attack, her paddle shatters and leaves her defenceless for the leering O and seething Shiftry, who press their attack.... but Ambipom covers for her, taking them both on by itself... and winning the next game!

Oh my!

O is impressed but he is still the champion and means to win the match, and serves as everything fades to white.... and returns in the Pokémon Centre where Dawn sits waiting in the corridor as Ambipom is treated for exhaustion and the announcement is made over the intercom that O defeated Dawn before going on to the final where he defeated the last competitor to retain his title.

Ambipom comes out with Nurse Joy apparently much better now, and then O walks up the corridor where he proclaims that she is great and he wants to take her and train her and turn her into a champion Pokémon Ping Pong player! Embarrassed but delighted, a blushing Dawn tells O that she is really into Pokémon Contests and not Ping Pong, and he replies that.... he was talking to Ambipom.

Ahahaha.

He tells Dawn to think about it and leaves, and Dawn finds herself wondering... what should she do? A little later she bursts into the twerps room and tells Ash and Brock in a panic that she can't find Ambipom, and they all rush outside shouting for it when Brock hears a noise. They head out back and find Ambipom continues to practise Ping Pong against the wall. Dawn doesn't know what to do, O offered to train Ambipom for her but she doesn't know if she can say goodbye to it and let it go. She asks Ash what he would do, and he remembers a brief montage of his own history with Aipom before he traded it to Dawn. He tells her that it is what Ambipom wants, but Brock notes that the job of a trainer is to make decisions - on what is best for a Pokémon and what it wants.

The next day, O is leaving the Pokémon Centre on a bus when Dawn approaches him and tells him she has thought a lot about his offer. Based on what Brock told her about decisions being her own personal responsibility, she has come to a decision.

Make Ambipom decide and take away all of her personal responsibility!

She holds out the ping pong ball and the Pokeball and asks Ambipom to decide - does it want to play Ping Pong or be in contests with her? It stares at each, then lifts the ping pong in one paw, causing Dawn to sigh sadly... and then it picks up the Pokeball... then takes Dawn's hat! Then Ash's hat! Then juggles them!

Oh yeah, it's a fucking monkey! Not a philosopher!

After some fun, it puts the hats back, then stares at the Pokeball and ping pong ball and.... gives the Pokeball back to Dawn. It wants to play Ping Pong!

Oh. What a..... what a complete waste.

But then, wonderfully, perfectly, O tells them that his training centre is in Vermillion City and offers the twerps the chance to come and visit them anytime! And with that, Ambipom leaves the show.... but opens up the chance that one day soon we could see the twerps back in Kanto..... and maybe, just maybe, Ash in the Indigo League once more!

But as we leave the twerps behind and say goodbye to Ambipom, we're left with one unanswered question.

What the hell happened to Barry?

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