ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
571: Dealing With Defensive Types!	576: Mio Jimu Sen! Hagane no Batoru!	Ash beats up Roark's Dad			Ash battles for his sixth Gym Badge	The Fourth Wall is a Fossil!	You should expect great things from an inexperienced rookie debuting in their first big fight

Last episode saw Ash delayed YET AGAIN from getting his Gym Battle as Byron - the Canalave Gym Leader - dealt with family issues, namely his son Roark - The Oreburgh Gym Leader. But with those resolved, the wait is over, the unprofessionalism of yet another Sinnoh Gym Leader has been dealt to, and now it is finally time that Ash was...



It's a 3-3 Battle, only Ash can substitute, Roark is judging and BYRON LOVES FOSSILS AND LOVES DEFENSE! AND HE LOOOOOOOVES BEING DRAMATIC!

Byron roars and things explode and if the Buizelster was watching he would be absolutely amazed and taking notes like Hulk Hogan backstage at a Superstar Billy Graham match. Byron sends out Bronzor and Ash sends out Chimchar which Roark recognises as once belong to Paul (he recognised a Chimchar!?!). But none of that matters because FINALLY the battle is beginning!

Chimchar uses Flamethrower and Bronzor braces itself and takes the shot full-blast.... and handles it! Brock realises it has the ability "Heat Proof" and Byron's assistant agrees, saying that he doubts Bronzor is even feeling it. Ash tells Chimchar to keep pouring it on, but Bronzor uses Rain Dance to raise steam up through the open roof and bring down rain onto Chimchar, cutting out its flames. Chimchar digs under the ground (impressing Byron since it is a defensive move) and Bronzor hunts for it as the rain stops. Chimchar bursts out of the dirt but Byron is ready, calling for a Gyro-Ball to spin out of the way of Flamethrower and then crash into Chimchar and smash it back into the ground. Chimchar is okay though, if a little pissed, and Byron orders another Gyro-Ball, and Chimchar matches it with Flamewheel and the two moves shatter and smash each other backwards.

Ash yells for Chimchar to get back up and Byron calls for Bronzor to show what it is made off, and both Pokémon struggle to their feet.... then Bronzor goes down and Chimchar is left (barely) standing!

1-0 to Ash! WOOHOO!

Ash returns Chimchar to rest while Byron thanks Bronzor for getting its ass kicked by a monkey. Roark yells out that Ash got Byron there and Byron responds by ROARING like he was Brian Blessed, proclaiming he hasn't felt the heat of battle like this for some time (ice burn on Roark there!) and he FEEEEEEEELS ALIIIIIVE! HE LOOOOOOOOVES BATTLING! Meanwhile, Team Rocket are creeping the only way they know how - asses out!

"The sounds of creeping means we're on the case!"
"We'll steal some fossils and save some face!"
"Through the door!"
"And down the hall!"
"Wif style and grace!"
"We'll forage for fossils at breakneck speed!"
"We'll restore them all first and make dough from the deed!"
"Look kids," says Meowth, as he, Jesse and James turn to face the fourth wall,"Since ya know what comes next let's cut to da chase, so sing along!"
The three of them break into song, Wobbuffet happily joining in and Meowth angrily shushing, warning that it will hurt their (the kids!) ears!

But first.... a brief break in the kitchen to raid the fridge! As they chow down, something taps Jesse on the shoulder and she twists around with cheeks bulging to complain.... and they find themselves face to face with an Omanyte, Omastar and Kabuto! James is delighted while Meowth translates that the Pokémon feel that the food belongs to "their pieholes". Jesse angrily tells them that THEY are closer to the food and the Pokémon respond by..... sending them blasting off again!

They're not closer to the food NOW!

Back at the battle, Byron LOOOOOVES..... STEELIX! Ash responds with THE BUIZELSTER which might find itself being out-Hoganed by Byron if it isn't careful. Dawn notes that Buizel has the type advantage but both the Gym Assistant and Brock know that type advantage isn't everything and Brock figures even Ash has figured this out by now. Indeed he has, figuring that Water Gun is probably just going to bounce off of Steelix, but when Roark reminds him he has the first move and Byron calls on him to get to fighting, Ash go to ol' reliable and asks for Water Gun, and Byron mocks Ash by defending with the LAMEST MOVE in all of Pokémon - Screech!

And it works!



Dawn remembers that Roark's Ga-Roaring Onix did the same thing to Pikachu and guesses Roark learnt the move from Byron. Steelix Bides Buizel and then launches it into the air and bats it out with Iron Tail and Buizel is down, Buizel is do-

THE BUIZELSTER DOESN"T LAY DOWN FOR NO ONE BROTHER! TIME TO BUIZEL UP AN-

Wait, no.... Buizel is down!

1-1 tied to Ash and Byron, but one of Ash's remaining Pokémon is hurt. Byron asks what Ash plans to do and Ash responds by sending in.... Chimchar!?! It opens with Flamethrower and staggers a surprised Steelix, but as it lands it winces in pain, still not quite recovered. Steelix comes back with Iron Tail but Chimchar dodges and digs beneath the earth, Byron bellowing for Iron Tail to shatter the earth and knock Chimchar out of the earth! HOLY SHIT!

Chimchar dodges Steelix's Bide and digs down into the earth again, so Steelix uses Iron Tail again and Chimchar is knocked clear once more. Again Steelix goes for Bide but Chimchar dodges aside, but can't get clear as the tail comes down again.... and then the ground falls in under Steelix as a result of its wild thrashing around and it falls backwards. Chimchar - only a few inches from death moments ago - is now free and clear and uses Flame Wheel to blast directly into Steelix's face and.... KNOCK IT THE FUCK OUT!

Steelix, Onix.... they always look so impressive and then they wilt when it comes to performance time. There's a little blue pill you can take for that, you know.

As Ash celebrates being 2-1 up, Team Rocket are creeping asses-out back into the Gym when out of the deep shadows further down the corridor emerges a nightmare monstrosity from pre-history.



"CRIKEY IT'S A KABUTOPS!" squeal Team Rocket, and then cheese it as the bladed abomination gives chase. Meanwhile Byron lays down another ice-burn on Roark by saying he can see how Ash defeated him, but he won't beat Bastiodon! Ash remembers seeing Bastiodon fighting Roark the previous day and knows that Chimchar is really feeling the burn (pardon the PUNishment) so decides the best strategy is to... have his exhausted and hurt baby monkey try and hammer through Bastiodon's defence which a fully fit and ready Rampardos couldn't penetrate! It blasts Flamethrower directly into Bastiodon's face, which easily absorbs it with Iron Defence, then blasts through the flames into Chimchar with Metal Burst - returning all damage absorbed by Chimchar's attack.

Chimchar tries to get back up but the little monkey has finally taken all it can take and it can't takes no more, and it's 2-2! Explosions blasts about as Byron declares his love for defence AND Bastiodon.

Meanwhile, Team Rocket have escaped Kabutops and discovered another fossil room, which Jesse proclaims is theirs because "they found it". But as they look about the fossils, they discover.... not everything is a fossil!

Suffice to say, they're soon blasting off.... again!

So it's down to Ash's last Pokémon, so he sends in..... GLISCOR!?

GLISCOR!?!!?!

Dawn can't figure why he chose the inexperienced Gliscor over Staravia, but Brock says he chose it based on consideration of Bastiodon's moves. Ash has it leap up and catch the wind, twisting around behind Bastiodon and then charging in with Steel Wing. Bastiodon slowly lumbers around and blocks the move with Iron Defence, bouncing Gliscor off so it has to bounce back onto its tail. Ash tells Gliscor to do the same again and come in with Fire Fang, so Bastiodon fires back with Flash Cannon, smashing into Gliscor and dropping it to the ground. As Gliscor lies unmoving (Roark should have called the match by now!) Byron sends Bastiodon in with Iron Head, which Gliscor dodges by bouncing over it. But Bastiodon turns around and comes back with a fresh Iron Head and knocks it sprawling.

Byron bellows for yet another Iron Head and it hits Gliscor as it falls out of the sky, knocking it back up into the air, then blasts Flash Cannon up at Gliscor. Gliscor spreads its wings wide and dodges, then lands on top of Gliscor's back and..... GRABS IT BY THE HORNS!

It delivers a point blank blast of Flame Fang as Bastiodon struggles to throw it off, finally pitching it over its head and opening its gaping maw for Flash Cannon.... and Gliscor SWEEPS THE LEG WITH ITS TAIL LIKE THIS WAS KARATE KID and knocks the move out of the way. Ash sends Gliscor in with X-Scissor as a delighted Byron calls for Iron Head. X-Scissor smashes into Bastiodon but doesn't stop it and it knocks Gliscor clear, then charges with Iron Head again. Gliscor dodges behind a rock and Bastiodon smashes directly through it.... but Gliscor isn't there! It leaped high into the air, and as it comes down it dodges Flash Cannon, kicks up sand with Sand Attack and then leaps into the raised up sandstorm and delivers a point blank blast of Fire Cannon and...... BASTIODON GOES DOWN! BASTIODON GOES DOWN!

ASH MOTHERFUCKING WON HIS SIXTH MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN CHRISTING BADGE HOLY SHIT!

Gliscor humps Ash's face in delight and Ash tells Brock and Dawn it was all about Gliscor's "spunk" (snicker), and they congratulate a delighted Gliscor on victory in its first ever Gym Battle!

And that's it; Ash has his sixth goddamn badge! The Mine Badge!



Only two more to go! The next Gym Leader better be home!

Previous Episode Next Episode Episode List