ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
513: Tag! We're It...!	518: Zen'in Sanka! Taggu Batoru!	Taggin' (with) Dat Ass			The twerps are randomly given partners in the Hearthome Tag Battle Tournament.	They're a team, why aren't they taking part?	There’s no I in TEAM, but there is a ME!

Last episode, the twerps arrived at Hearthome City only to discover that the Gym Leader was gone for an undetermined amount of time. Dawn took the opportunity to take part in another Contest but despite an excellent showing in the Appeal Round did not make the cut to the second round. This left her feeling depressed until she was told to buck up by rival/friend Zoey, who made it to the second round but lost to one of Dawn's other rival Coordinators, Nando.

But the trip to Hearthome might not be a total write-off just yet, because the twerps also discovered that Hearthome hosts a Tag Battle Tournament in which trainers pair off and then compete against others. Since they're there, they figure they might as well get in the practise, and that is where we find ourselves today, Gentle Dodgers.

Ash hands Dawn an entry card for the tag battle, much to her surprise since she's a Coordinator and not a trainer. They explain that Zoey (who has apparently left between the end of the last episode and the start of this one) thought it would be a good way to lift Dawn's spirits after her defeat, and despite some initial reservations she eventually agrees she will take a chance. Ash is delighted and gives her a high five, which is an embarrassingly white thing for a couple of Japanese kids to do, but it at least allows for the awful segueway into the even more awful pun for today's title....



Inside a massive stadium filled with thousands of people, a fat man with a top hat (he must be the Mayor!) tells them that it's Battle Time! Inside the stadium, Ash, Dawn and Brock are delighted at the sheer number of people, Brock saying it's just like being in a Pokémon League. Mr Fat Top Hat Man tells everyone that they'll have a fine time, he should know, he's the Master of Ceremonies!

Awww, so he's not the Mayor....

His name is Enta, and he's also Hearthome's Mayor!

YAY!

But as the crowd cheers, Team Rocket watch from the stands as concession workers, Jesse less than impressed with the "windbag". The Mayor continues on explaining the rules, everyone was given a tag number and now a random seeding will decide which number gets paired with which.... and that random partner will be their partner for the rest of the tournament! He hits the button and the numbers match up, and everyone starts moving around looking for their partner, which tends to take some of the wind out of the sails of the crowd after having the virtues of the tournament expounded to them, only to watch a bunch of people milling about saying,"Hello, hello? I'm and I'm looking for hello?"

Did they pay to see a Tag Tournament or a Work Office Bonding Session?

But Dawn finds her partner, Number 9 to her Number 28, his name is Conway and....



Oh God it's Max, Max grew up and got creepier!

Conway nudges his glasses up and down suggestively and tells her she has a "cute" name, while Dawn freaks out over his Slowking and Conway continues to suggestively lift his glasses up and down, because apparently Max grew up to be a pervert just like Momma Brock!

Speaking of Momma Brock...

"AOOOWWWW IT'S A GIIIIRL!" screeches Brock, rushing towards Number 21 to his Number 16, only for a Wingull to swoop out of the air and grab his tag card number. It lands on the girl's arm and she turns around and grins at Brock, asking him if he wants to play tag.... with her.

Well, he just creamed his jeans.

Dawn rushes up to check out Wingull with her Pokédex, while Brock drops to a knee to put on his "handsome" face for the girl - Holly - who at first seems slightly taken aback by his horniness. Croagunk slides up beside Brock ready to strike, but then Holly grins and tells him she's not interested in younger men, and all the colour floods out of his system as he stares agape at her. Croagunk standing beside him eying up his dejected body, then it's glowing Poison Jab, then him, then the Poison Jab before coming to the conclusion that he's taken his punishment. He sits depressed with his hands pressing over his crotch, Croagunk grinning and looking off into the distance while Piplup pecks at Brock trying to break his shock and Dawn laughs at him.... because kicking a man while he's down is hilarious!

Meanwhile Ash can't find his partner, walking around with Pikachu on his head holding up his Number 15, trying to find Number 5.... who finds him first. Ash twists around delighted to hear his voice and... and... oh God, oh no... oh snap.....



It's Paul!

He grimaces that he has no choice but to go with Ash, and demands he make sure not to get in his way. Ash is pissed, telling him this is no way to talk to a tag partner, but Pikachu tries to make peace and jumps down to shake hands with Elekid. It grins and reaches out to shake hands back, then lets loose a spark that knocks Pikachu down. It leaps up pissed and gets ready to let rip with a massive blast, but Ash tries to calm it down, rushing over to grab it and... taking the full force of the blast himself.

Elekid laughs but Paul is disgusted, muttering that Ash is just pathetic before the Mayor gets everyone's attention again, telling them that the real key to success in a tag battle is to create the spirit of partnership between trainer and Pokémon. So the great prize is something designed to truly deepen the connection between Pokémon and Trainer.... BALLS!

Yes, he pulls out two silver ball-bells, which he calls a "Sooth Bell". They tingle with a sound that seems to please everyone who hears it, even Team Rocket... even Jesse! She tells Wobbuffet that with that gentle tingling in her ear she could even stand to be around it, and it happily agrees with this rather cruel statement. James then suddenly has a rare "man" moment and declares that he means to have those balls!

Oh my!

He means to have them so he can dance and play and run and laugh with various Pokémon by his side.

Well, it wasn't much of a man moment.

Jesse and Meowth are impressed though and cheer him on, while a mother drags her child quickly through them admonishing the delighted looking young boy not to listen and not to stop! Hey, he's enjoying their Rr-teeest-ic styling!

Inside the arena, the trainers have all paired off at last, and are gathered to hear the Mayor's final words to them.



The Mayor explains the battles do not begin until in the afternoon, so they have until then to get to know each other and learn to work together. Conway turns a creepy grin on Dawn, waggles his glasses and nerdishly brags to her that he's spent many a lonely night while the girls weren't calling studying Pokémon stats and strategies to figure out the perfect counter to any situation. She seems less than impressed with him than he is with himself, while Holly leads a willing Brock away to discuss strategy with him, and Ash turns to grit his teeth at Paul, who doesn't even acknowledge his existence.

That afternoon, the first match is up, with Dawn and Conway against a small girl and a giant biker in an open jacket to show off his muscles, as well as horribly stereotypical black lips. Dawn calls out Piplup and Conway sends in Slowking, which crashes to the ground directly behind Piplup, giving it a slight fright. The other team (Team Biker Girl!) sends in a Scyther and a.... KOFFING!

This is like the best episode ever!

....and Conway takes the chance to sneak a peek at Dawn's ass as he tells her to go first.

He tells her to concentrate purely on Offense and not worry about doing any thinking, leave that to him. She sighs and has Piplup use Bubble against Scyther's Razor Wind, but Koffing's Sludge Bomb is still coming... but it hits Safeguard, a glowing green portal created by Slowking. Koffing tries a Thunderbolt and before Piplup can dodge, Conway orders Protect, then tells Dawn she is free to attack, he'll be covering for her no matter what.

Oh God Max, why'd you get so creepy.

Scyther tries a Headbutt but Piplup leaps off of Slowking's head and hits a Peck directly in Scyther's face, knocking it down and out... how embarrassing! The Biker sends Koffing in with Gyro-ball, but Conway has Slowking use Psychic and Koffing... comes to an embarrassed stop! Slowking slams Koffing into the ground, where it lays unconscious beside Scyther, knocked out but still with a smile on its face.

"So Dawn, how was it?" grins Conway creepily, but then Dawn twists onto him telling him how awesome he is and he backs off creeped out, because like most nerds once confronted with a girl he doesn't know how to act. She keeps babbling at him as he freaks out and looks close to hyperventilating, while she tells him she wants to know everything he can tell her about Defensive Moves, to help her with her Contests. Brock watches alongside Holly and Ash, saying that Conway really knows his stuff (one pervert to another!) and Ash eagerly turns to tell Paul they should be working together like tha.... and almost takes a face full of Flamethrower!

Paul snaps at him to give his suggestions to Chimchar, and when Ash (recovering quickly from almost having his face burnt off) compliments it on its Flamethrower it reacts quite happily, only for Paul to chastise it for being a weak Pokémon with a weak flame that it can barely control. Ash says they should let him help them out and Paul is about to turn him down when he's surprised by Ash getting all up in his face, telling him that this is a Tag Battle and they NEED to work together. Paul grunts that it's "all about you, isn't it," to Ash, who reacts by scowling at him as Pikachu and Elekid stare daggers at each other... and then Dawn and Conway return and Dawn rips into them both, reminding them of what Cynthia (the Battle Master) told them - when every life meets another life, something will be born.

Paul quotes what Cynthia said back word for word, even though he doesn't seem to actually get what it means, then turns and walks away. Ash demands to know why the hell he even bothered to sign up for a Tag Tournament if he wants to work alone. Paul mutters it was to meet Fire-Types and keeps walking, and Brock guesses that he hopes to work on building up Chimchar's Fire Moves through exposure to other Fire Pokémon, much like he powered Elekid's attacks in their first meeting with Pikachu.

Next up is Brock and Holly against a couple of generic teen boys. Yanma chases Holly's Wingull, speeding up and hitting it, sending it falling towards the ground, a Bagon charging towards where it is going to hit. Holly calls for Wingull to pull up but Brock shouts there is no time, and sends Sudowoodo in to smash against Bagon and send it flying backwards along the ground. This impresses one of the rival trainers which causes his partner to shout at him, which causes a full blown argument. Conway laughs to Dawn that this is the worst battle of all time, while Brock tells Holly it's time to finish this, and Holly orders a Blizzard from Wingull. Bagon tries to come back with Dragon Breath, but Brock orders Flail, which is essentially the Pokémon version of a nerd-fight.... but far more effective!

Wingull hits Yanma with Aerial Ace and Bagon and Yanma are knocked out, Brock and Holly win! Wingull lands on Sudowoodo's head as it salutes bravely. A delighted Brock grabs Holly by the hand, then remembers her earlier words and pulls away, apologising.... and she grabs his hands back! She tells him he made great calls, and together... together they could be...... the greatest Tag Battle Team in the world!

Brock doesn't hear a word of it, just stands staring at a girl (a fully grown girl!) who is willingly holding his hands! He's in heaven, but of course never far away is the promise of his eternal virginity, and the guardian of his purity - Croagunk.

Ash turns to look at Paul, and Paul glares back with the now familiar look of resigned disgust. They move onto the field of battle against a couple of older trainers, one dressed like a scientist. They're using a Magmar and a Rhydon against Pikachu and Chimchar. Ash mutters that it's going to be tough, and Paul agrees.... since they're "stuck" with Pikachu. Ash retorts that Chimchar isn't so great either and Paul sneers back, asking who asked him. As they glare at each other, Conway laughs to Dawn that he has already got this entire battle mapped out in his head - The two Fire Pokémon are going to cancel each other out and Pikachu's electricity won't affect Rhydon. Dawn agrees that the trainers aren't exactly the best match up either, but Ash is unburdened by such concerns as strategy or effectiveness, it's time to battle and that's what he does best!

Pikachu blasts Magmar with Thunderbolt..... but the blast is diverted into Rhydon's Horn! As Pikachu is sent flying by Rhydon's charge, Paul smirks that Ash doesn't know Rhydon's ability, while Brock explains to Dawn that it just used Lightning Rod, a move that absorbs all electrical attacks. Dawn asks if this means Pikachu's Electric moves are useless, and Conway tells her that Pikachu is essentially out of commission.

Paul sneers at Ash that he's just in the way and an angry Ash reminds him that he's in the battle too, while Magmar lets loose with a blast of Lava Plume that covers everything and everyone - including Rhydon - in flames, smoke and soot. Brock explains that it's a move that hits all Pokémon in an area but Rhydon is unaffected by fire moves, it's a smart move.

But instead of dodging, Paul orders Chimchar directly into the Lava Plume as Pikachu dodges aside. Chimchar's flame bursts into life as it fires up from exposure to the Lava Plume and lets rip with a massive burst of Flamethrower directly into Rhydon. Rhydon throws its arms up to block though and smashes Chimchar with a Hammer Arm, sending it flying and then charging straight for it. Paul grimaces in disgust at Chimchar for failing, but then Pikachu comes flying back down through the air from its dodge of Lava Plume, scoring a direct hit on Rhydon right in the goddamn face with Iron Tail!

Brock thinks it's a great assist and Conway admits it was. Rhydon staggers back clutching its head as his trainer points out that they have to be careful of Pikachu, it's still a dangerous Pokémon despite its electric limitation. But they have a surprise of their own in store, as Magmar uses Protect and Rhydon uses.... SURF!!?!

Brock and Conway are shocked, but Paul sends Chimchar in with Flame Wheel, Ash screaming at him that they're going to lose if he does that. Brock can see method in Paul's madness though, saying that he's taking a big risk. Chimchar bursts into Flame Wheel and Ash screams at Chimchar it is going to get creamed... and then remembers the combination used by Zoey's Glameow and Shellos and is struck by that rarest of things for Ash... an idea!

He orders Pikachu to use Iron Tail on the wave, and it sends a shockwave up through Rhydon, causing it lose balance and fall backwards into the wave, the wave cleaving in two and Rhydon falling through the air directly into an Iron Tail from Pikachu... it's knocked out!

Brock and Dawn realise he used Zoey's Contest for inspiration, and Ash tells Pikachu to rush in with Volt Tackle, an agitated and surprised Paul ordering a Dig from Chimchar. Magmar rushes in with Fire Punch and scores a direct shot into Pikachu's Volt Tackle, the two moves evenly matched and pressing against other for dominance.... and Chimchar bursts through the ground beneath a surprised Magmar and PUNCHES IT RIGHT IN THE FUCKING FACE!

MAGMAR'S DOWN! MAGMAR'S DOWN! ASH AND PAUL WIN!

Pikachu and Chimchar give each other thumbs up, while Jesse watches with glowing happy eyes of joy, until she realises the rest of Jesse realises that the rest of Team Rocket are too and screams at James to keep his eye on the (Sooth)bell.

Meanwhile, the twerps have noted that Ash and Paul won despite being a terrible team. Conway notes that they won through excellent individual performances, and they all know that this won't be enough to take them all the way through to the Final. Meanwhile Paul is still complaining to Ash, telling him to stay out of his face while an angry Ash insists that as a team they really should be working... as a team.

When Ash is the one making sense, there's trouble a-brewing!

Paul just grunts and walks away, leaving a furious Ash behind, victorious but feeling terrible - tomorrow is another round, and Dawn/Conway and Brock/Holly were successful through teamwork, but can Ash and Paul be successful alone together?

Only one way to find out, Gentle Dodgers, and that's to see the next episode!

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