ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
504: Top-Down Training!	508: Champion, Shirona Tojo!	A Championship Paul			Paul takes on the Champion of THE ENTIRE SINNOH REGION!	Selling ice-cream and buying beatings.	Unprotected heterosexual sex will probably lead to pregnancy.

Today's pre-episode teaser opens with Cynthia - The Champion League Master - facing off again Lucian of the Sinnoh Elite Four! What's going on? What the hell is happening? Cynthia and Lucian? What about Ash and Dawn and Brock and Team Rocket? We've gone from the bottom right to the very top of the Pokémon Battling world! Is this to get us prepared for what we'll see at the end of the season? Is it....



P.S - For those of you who saw the episode title and have clicked to quickly browse through the guide to see the pictures.... sorry, Cynthia never takes her "top down".

In a Pokémon Centre, the twerps are watching the battle on a large screen showing the action. Garchomp - a bizarre mix between dragon, demon and harrier jet - takes a direct blast of Flash Cannon from Bronzong and then KO's it with one shot, giving Cynthia the victory. The twerps are very impressed to have seen the battle (evidently a taped one from some time in the recent past) but more impressed when some kids run in crying out that Cynthia has just arrived in town!

But she hasn't quite arrived yet; the tall, willowy blonde haired Master of Pokémon Battling for the ENTIRE Sinnoh Region first has to make a decision. She stands before Team Rocket - Jesse, James and Meowth - and considers her options, the serious young woman with the matching fur collar and cuffs (GETCHA MINDS OUTTA THE GUTTA!) taking the decision seriously...... what ice-cream to buy!

Yes, Team Rocket are running their own ice-cream stand, and Cynthia has apparently spent half the day standing in front of their stand trying to figure out what flavour to buy. Finally she settles on a wild combination of flavours and heads away, Team Rocket sighing with relief to have finally made the sale.

Cynthia walks up to some ruins, licking her ice cream while looking over hieroglyphs of some ancient and powerful looking Pokémon. She shows off a long tongue designed specifically for lapping up and around that thick shaft she's holding in her hand and up to her mouth so eagerly.....

OUT. OF. THE. GUTTA!

Brock's mind is firmly in it, however, as he moans over wanting to be in her arms, making Dawn sigh and make an exception to her usual "no worries" policy". She tells him that he worries her.... and then Paul walks by in front of the twerps!

An excited Ash rushes up to Paul who hasn't even noticed him and asks how he's doing, how many badges he has now? Ash has two badges, Paul! He has two! Oh boy oh boy! Paul turns and stares disdainfully at him, then sniffs that it really isn't any of Ash's business and turns back to Cynthia, asking her if she is who she is (which is a difficult question to answer no to).

He introduces himself curtly and challenges her to a battle, much to the surprise of the twerps and the other kids who have been gathered. Cynthia eyes him up and notes she hasn't taken a field challenge in a while (maybe she used Repel?) and asks if he's competing in the Sinnoh League. When he says that he is, she notes he must have transferred from another league and - much to the surprise of all watching - accepts his challenge!

Team Rocket are shocked, she couldn't decide on what ice cream she wanted but she accepts a battle IMMEDIATELY? Meanwhile, Paul asks for a full on battle, six Pokémon on six, and she accepts. The gathered crowd says that whoever Paul is, he's brave.... if not brainy, which is usually something that would be said about Ash. Brock notes to the others though that Paul has a tendency to do his homework, so maybe he has something planned?

Cynthia calls out Garchomp with Battle Dance, and Ash checks the monstrosity with Dextina while Paul calls out Chimchar. Everyone is surprised, Chimchar is at a complete disadvantage against Garchomp. Chimchar kicks off with Firespin and surrounds Garchomp in flame, then uses Dig to disappear into the ground. Cynthia tells Garchomp to do the same, and it disappears into the ground still wreathed in flame, exploding out onto the surface and bringing Chimchar with it, sending the little monkey crashing into the ground KO'ed already.

Paul calls back Chimchar, telling the Pokéball it should be ashamed, which appears to piss off Cynthia. Ironically, Ash thinks to himself that Paul still doesn't "get it". Paul sends out Weavile, and Dawn checks it out with Dextina. An Ice-Type is a good match against Garchomp, and it kicks things off with Blizzard which does.... nothing! Everyone - including Paul - is shocked, and then Garchomp leaps up and uses Dragon Rush, a move that prevents an opponent from escaping. Weavile tries to use Icebeam, but Garchomp dodges easily and smashes straight into Weavile... one shot KO'ing it again! Team Rocket - watching from the sidelines - are amazed at the ease with which Cynthia is handling Paul.

Paul calls out Murkrow which uses Haze, but Garchomp dodges it. Murkrow is fast though and gets behind it, moving in with Wing Attack. Garchomp comes back with Giga-Impact and... one-shot KO's Murkrow!

And Paul.... chuckles?

He calls out Torterra, a big turtle-like Pokémon with trees growing out of its back, the final evolution of Turtwig. It immediately blasts Garchomp with Giga-Drain, and Garchomp makes no move to dodge, getting wrapped up in tendrils of green energy that surround it and begin draining it of energy.

Brock finally guesses Paul's strategy - and the reason for his smirk - as the Giga-Drain is applied. Using Giga-Impact meant that Garchomp needed a moment to recover, leaving it open to a massive draining move like Giga-Drain. True to form, Paul has sacrificed his Pokémon in order to place his opponent in the position he wants. It's not a nice strategy, or a particularly moral one, but it does appear to be effective.

Paul has the temerity to begin lecturing to SINNOH LEAGUE CHAMPION Cynthia about the cost of using Giga-Impact, then orders a Frenzy Plant. Torterra smashes spiked tentacles out of the earth (watch your skirt, Dawn!) and sends them blasting at Garchomp. The impact sending bursts of dust and wind around the watching twerps, kids and Team Rocket, causing them to throw their arms up to protect their eyes.... but Cynthia says nothing and makes no move as she is surrounded by the dust, which clears to reveal.... Garchomp has blocked Frenzy Plant!



And it's pissed!

Cynthia smirks as Paul gasps in order, and then she orders Brick Break. Garchomp leaps high in the air, getting the sun behind it, then smashes Torterra... RIGHT IN THE FUCKING HEAD, ONE SHOT MOTHERFUCKING KO!

Paul calls back Torterra and says he guesses that is it (despite only using four Pokémon) and Cynthia agrees, and the other kids begin laughing at Paul, calling him a loser. Ash grits his teeth and turns on the kids telling them to chill out, then rushes to Paul as Brock explains to Dawn that Ash respects Paul for taking a shot at the Champion. Ash approaches Paul and tells him he did great, but Paul ignores Ash, telling Cynthia he'll train up and come back for another try another day. She tells him she looks forward to it, then Paul turns and walks past Ash without a word.

Ash, completely unused to not being the centre of attention, calls out to Paul that he is going the wrong way, the Pokémon Centre is in the other direction. Paul ignores him, continuing to walk until Cynthia growls at him to stop. He does, and she warns that getting injured Pokémon to be healed is a trainer's number one priority. He doesn't like being forced to acquiesce to somebody else's instruction, but when the motherfucking Champion tells you how it is, you listen to what they say. They all return together to the Pokémon Centre, only to discover that Nurse Joy has a Pokémon Emergency (second episode call back in the HIZZ-OUZ!) and she has to get into surgery.

Cynthia says there is no choice but to treat Paul's Pokémon herself, and Brock throws up his hand, moaning that he'll help. As he rushes forward, Croagunk emerges from its Pokéball and lifts one glowing purple paw for a Poison Jab. Cynthia notes the movement and looks past Brock, grinning and giggling when she sees Croagunk. The bizarre Pokémon spots her, widens its eyes then fades the jab and tucks its arms behind its back, looking up at her like a naughty little boy that just got caught being naughty!

Awwwwwwwww!

Paul's Pokémon are called out and Cynthia begins treating them, applying healing sprays to Torterra's entire body, explaining to Ash and Dawn that despite getting hit in the head, the shock ran throughout its entire body, and thus they treat everything.

Also, it's the scattershot approach of an untrained non-professional so they can cover all bases when "treating" a patient.

She moves on to Chimchar and gives it the Pokémon Equivalent of aspirin then starts petting the happy little monkey, telling it she is proud of it. It curls up to go to sleep and the flame on its tail goes out, Brock explaining that this happens when a Chimchar sleeps. Ash and Dawn are enthralled with all this, but Paul seems completely disinterested, leaning against the wall beside the window with his eyes closed, thinking about things other than his weak-ass loser Pokémon.... unlike Team Rocket! Peeking through the window, Jesse proclaims that all of the Pokémon in the Centre WANT to be stolen, and James agrees, noting that they just don't know it yet.

Back inside, Cynthia tells Paul her Pokémon have all been treated now, and she's impressed with how well trained they are, and especially impressed with Torterra. Paul notes it was his very first Pokémon, raised from a Turtwig, and then reveals some more surprising information about himself. He's travelled through the Hoenn, Johto and Kanto regions and taken part in all of their leagues, but won none of them.

Holy shit, he's the asshole equivalent of Ash!

Cynthia notes he has done a great job in such a short time with Chimchar, and Paul mutters it doesn't matter, it did uselessly against Garchomp. Apparently he was surprised and disappointed that the tiny little monkey wasn't able to put up a fight against the demonic dragon shark fighter plane monster trained by the very best in Sinnoh.... which is only fair really, I mean who COULDN'T easily beat that!?

Ash gets pissed now, snapping at Paul that the way he was fighting made it clear he didn't care how many of his Pokémon were beaten as long as he could get Cynthia to use Giga-Impact. Paul mutters back that he doesn't get Ash's point, and Ash snaps that he isn't thinking about how that makes Paul's Pokémon feel, and there is nothing to be gained in winning that way. Paul is dismissive of Ash, muttering that a win is a win, and Ash demands to know why he doesn't care about his Pokémon. Paul growls back that then a Pokémon will be spoiled, just like Chimchar is - a spoiled Pokémon that doesn't try hard enough.

As the two bicker over their differing Pokémon philosophies (Ash does have a philosophy, he just doesn't know how to pronounce philosophy), Paul tells Ash that he can just keep on doing things his way, Paul is going to become stronger any way he chooses. This makes Cynthia smirk, asking them both if they want to be "stronger"? If they do, she has something to show them.

NO CYNTHIA! BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH!

But no, as mentioned earlier, she doesn't take the "top down", instead she returns them to the ruins where Paul challenged her. She shows them the text written into the stones she was reading earlier - it's the language of the Unown, and tells them it reads,"When every life meets another life, something will be born."

Why is she reading them an ancient public health message about teen pregnancy?

She explains that she dreamed of becoming powerful through being victorious, so she trained endlessly. But then she discovered even the same types of Pokémon had different abilities and talents, and she became obsessed with discovering them all, meeting new Pokémon and people and becoming "stronger" and more "powerful" through each meeting. She tells them that their meeting today is sure to have placed something strong inside them all...

Brock would like to place something strong inside her, that's for damn sure.

Cynthia goes on, saying she is sure now that if she continues to meet more and learn more, eventually she will discover the legendary Dialga and Palkia, and then travel back through time and space to meet the very source of all Pokémon. Yep, she's looking for God, and not in that,"Inside each of us," crap, we're talking stealing the Enterprise and travelling to the centre of the galaxy to meet God.

Meanwhile, Team Rocket have snuck into the Pokémon Centre where Paul's Pokémon are still sleeping. Nurse Joy walks in and spots them, asking what they're doing, and Meowth cries out,"SANDMAN!?!" in the hopes of convincing Joy that the two humans and one talking cat are in fact the corporeal manifestation of a mythical being who brings sleep to the tired..... but strangely enough she doesn't fall for it!

James grabs Chimchar, saying,"Grabbing ho!" while doing it, and they cheese it out the window past the twerps and Cynthia. Once Paul realises his Chimchar is the one being stolen, he actually looks horrified and leads the chase - though whether it's because he genuinely does care for Chimchar or because he's horrified that anybody would dare to steal HIS property isn't clear. Team Rocket dive into the bushes and lift up through the air in their Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon as Chimchar wakes up, and gets greeted with the Team Rocket motto.... and adds its own fiery touch to it.

"Little Chimmy woke up!" gasps Jesse in delight.
"Welcome to our world!" adds James.
"Bringing chaos at a breakneck pace."
"Dashing all hope, putting fear in its pathetic place."
"Mess with Team Rocket we're in yer face!" adds Meowth, and Chimchar blasts them in the face with a burst of Flamethrower.
"Ehhhh," they moan together,"We get it!"

Ash calls out Staravia, but before it can appear, Paul calls out the Ursaring he caught in Bewilder Forest and orders a Hyperbeam from it. Chimchar leaps clear in just the nick of time as Team Rocket are sent blasting off again, and Chimchar and falls into the bushes, lying on the ground looking tired and hurt. Paul approaches and tells it he doesn't care if it was injured, that's no excuse for being captured by three losers like Team Rocket. The twerps began snapping at Paul for his assholish attitude, but Cynthia interrupts, telling them that the important thing is that Chimchar is okay. She tells Paul that for his Pokémon’s best recovery he should spend the night in the Pokémon Centre, and he reluctantly agrees.

The next morning, Rhonda of Sinnoh Now is reporting on the large television screen in the dining area. She's telling of the recent discovery of the Lustrous Orb, companion to the Adamant Orb. The Lustrous Orb is said to increase the powers of Palkia, and Cynthia is enthralled. Outside the Pokémon Centre, she tells the twerps she now knows where she has to go next, to Celestic Town where the Lustrous Orb was found. Ash says he isn't exactly clear what she was talking about when she was going on about meeting as many people as you can and placing things inside of them (though Brock probably got a particular message out of it) but he does know he loves Pokémon just as much as her. She says that is all he needs to become stronger in his own way, and she and the twerps part ways, Paul and his Pokémon watching like creepy stalkers from the window of the Pokémon Centre.

But for the twerps part, they've met Cynthia - the Champion League Master - and learnt a little bit more about Paul (Yep, it's now established beyond any reasonable doubt that he is a complete and total ASSHOLE!) and now it’s time to go on about their business.



It's time to get to Hearthome City!

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