ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
556: Playing The Leveling Field!	561: Odoru Zimu Rida! Merissa Tojo!	Mantina!			Zoey and Ash get their asses kicked by a man in drag	They think learning is "stealing"	Why are transvestites always huge broad shouldered men?

Today finds the twerps in.... that's not the twerps! It's Zoey! Her Glameow is fighting a Mismagius, but she's getting her ass kicked!

As her Glameow is left stunned stupid floating in mid-air, in perfect humiliating timing the twerps come walking by and spot her! Now it's Zoey's turn to be caught out just in time for maximum humiliation! Finally they're playing on an equal level! They're....



The twerps shout encouragement to the senseless Glameow, while Zoey's opponent chides her in a French accent for noticing the twerps while they're still in the heat of battle. And what an opponent it is! It being the operative word because.... that's a man, man!

A man with tits!



Seriously! That's a dude!

Despite being confused, Glameow gets off an attack, missing but shaking off Confusion. Glameow tries Shockwave again but Mismagius uses Magical Leaf, and Brock notes that Mrs. Man is doing a great job kicking the living shit out of Glameow.... and it's out for the count!

Zoey thanks Mrs. Man for doing so much for her, saying that it being a top coordinator and all, she has learned a lot from getting seven shades of shit knocked out of her. As Mrs. Man shakes her hand with one elephantine man-sized fist, Brock grabs both their hands to lust over her fine form, long supple neck and choker that surely isn't hiding an Adam’s apple!

Oh Brock, always barking up the wrong tree.

Croagunk punches him in the ass to save him from the ass-punching he would have inevitably gotten anyway. Mrs. Man is introduced to the other twerps, and it is revealed that her name is Fantina, and she's the Hearthome Gym Leader!

Well.... was, it turns out that for some reason - perhaps societal persecution! - Fantina has decided to become a travelling trainer like the twerps, and is no longer able to provide Ash with the Gym Battle he's wanted for so long.

Watching from the bushes, Team Rocket are intrigued to discover Fantina is a Top Coordinator and is/was the Hearthome Gym Leader. James says the job description brings another to mind, thinking of Juan..... is this a censored/subtle way of saying James thinks Fantina is Juan in drag!?!

Meowth thinks that Jesse wants to swipe Mismagius from Fantina, but what Jesse really wants is to "steal" her techniques (otherwise known as LEARNING!), seemingly thinking that by watching she can somehow pick up all the skill and talent by osmosis? And as usual it's left to James and Meowth to dread the inevitable fury when this doesn't automatically happen.

At the Pokémon Centre, the twerps, Zoey and Fantina are eating a meal, Fantina refusing to answer Ash's demands to know why she won't return to the Hearthome Gym. But as she ignores him and sips her tea, Jesse crashes the party dressed up as Jessedia with Meowth and James as her cameramen to "get the scoop" on her, thinking that if they can film her in action they can show the tape back to Yanmega later. But Fantina simply sips her tea and tell them she can't train now because she's in training, causing Team Rocket to flop back in shock while Ash shouts that it doesn't make any sense.

He'd say the same thing if she said 2+2=4 though.

Zoey tells her to tell them what she told her earlier, and Fantina admits that there came a point where she decided she wanted to be stronger....

Well this explains the chin then, steroids are a terrible thing.

....so she became a top Coordinator, opened the Gym, and beat up on everyone who came to her. The best of the best came back for more (including Alan and his Probopass from Nosing 'Round The Mountain!) and those were the ones closest to her hearts, which Brock can understand as a previous Gym Leader himself. So she decided that like those trainers she needed to continue to improve and find a new combination style between Gym Battles and Contests. Ash and Dawn both insist they've been inspired by her to.... challenge her! Just like everybody else! Jesse lays it on thick trying to get them to all fight so she can film it. Fantina accepts, saying that a trainer always wants to battle a new trainer they meet, so they shall fight!

So she wouldn't accept their initial request for battle but is happy to accept their request for battle now because they've requested battle?

You know.... there's something odd about this eight foot tall square-jawed woman with a neckguard, wide dress to hide her crotch and shoulders the width of a football field who keeps talking about wanting "the best of both worlds".

But she will only accept ONE of their challenges, so Dawn eagerly suggests they use the completely useless and unnecessary coin-flip feature on her PokéTch to work it out. Ash accepts, and not long after....



This some Charlie Brown shit here, son!

So it's Ash versus Fantina, boy vs...... Fantina! Ghost Type vs Ash's bizarre conglomeration. Ash wants a 3 on 3 battle, with both allowed to substitute Pokémon like a regular trainer’s battle rather than a Gym Challenge. They do another cointoss to justify the pointless addition of this shitty cash-in to the game, and Fantina wins, while up inside the Pokémon Centre Team Rocket are filming from a higher floor, Jesse telling James to concentrate the camera on Fantina and not give the twerp any camera time.

Ash is amazed and horrified to see Fantina holding a Pokéball..... (well yeah) .... and then sends out Buizel, and Fantina sends out Drifloon. Drifloon uses Ominous Wind (when a bad guy farts) and Buizel tries to knock it out of the air with Water Gun, but it dodges and hits Ominous Wind from high up, surrounding Buizel with wind. Buizel blasts free with AquaJet and scores a direct shot BECAUSE THE BUIZELSTER DON'T LAY DOWN FOR NO ONE BROTHER! and then promptly gets put to sleep by Hypnosis!

THE BUIZELSTER JUST TAKING A NAP TO GATHER ITS STRENGTH BROTHER!

Drifloon lifts Buizel up and spins it around and around in midair, tosses it clear and uses Psychic to Spin it around then knock it back into Ash and crash him over. Waking up, Buizel leaps to its feet ready to fight and.... then collapses unconscious!

THE BUIZELSTER MUST HAVE HAD SOME BAD SEAFOOD BROTHER!

Ash sends out Chimchar with Flamethrower, but the flames are caught by Psychic, divided into individual flames and juggled around by Drifloon. This is another example of Fantina's combination of Battle and Contest techniques, showcased further when it uses Will-O-Wisp to turn the flames blue and blast them into Chimchar!

Once more Drifloon uses Hypnosis, putting Chimchar to sleep as well, and Ash is forced to withdraw it to its Pokéball. But unlike Confusion, this won't break by returning to the Pokéball, so Ash HAS to win it with Pikachu. But Drifloon still has Will-O-Wisp fired up and blasts Pikachu with it, so Ash does what he does best and..... BLASTS THE FUCK OUT OF IT!

Drifloon is staggered, but comes back with Ominous Wind in retaliation to Pikachu's Volt Tackle, and the wind is strong enough to stop Pikachu in its tracks, Volt Tackle and all! Oh snap!

"I WANT TO DO THAT! WHATEVER THAT IS!" shouts Jesse.

Pikachu impresses Fantina by fighting the Ominous Wind, but is finally knocked clear and has to come back with another Thunderbolt. It pours on the attack harder and harder until finally Drifloon.... evolves!

OH COME ON! Bitch using HAX!

Pikachu tries Thunderbolt again, but Drifblim easily dodges on the wind, making it look like it is in complete control. It grabs Pikachu by the cheeks and blasts it with Hypnosis, and Pikachu can't fight it, falling asleep. Ash shouts for it to wake up but he can't and so.... that's it.

Ash got his ass FUCKING KICKED!

Brock tells him he has to admit this was a battle unlike any other he's ever faced, and he agrees, saying he was so worried about Hypnosis that he never got into a groove, while Fantina continued to make herself look better over and over. He says he is more determined than before to challenge at the Hearthome Gym, and Fantina accepts his challenge man to man. Well.... man to boy. Well.... Fantina to boy. Well..... what the fuck is Fantina anyway?

She tells him she will return to the Hearthome Gym and do some research on Drifblim, so he should have time to get some work done on the road before getting back there to challenge her. Dawn wants a battle too and Fantina garbles something with her horrendous French accent, leaving Brock and Zoey totally confused while Ash and Dawn eagerly nod their heads pretending to know what the hell she meant.

That night, Jesse is showing the footage of the battle to Yanmega (why didn't she let it watch DURING the battle itself?) and happily telling it from now on if it sees a Thunderbolt coming it has to dodge just like Drifblim does. Yanmega shakes its head and James and Meowth try their hardest to explain to Jesse that Drifblim and Yanmega are completely different Pokémon, but she's hearing none of it - it WILL learn to fight like Drifblim.... or else!

At the Pokémon Centre, Zoey is showing Dawn her Third Ribbon, and telling her she won't be taking part at the upcoming Contest but she will be there to cheer her on. Dawn pipes up to tell Ash that Zoey will be there and spots him sitting amongst his Pokémon on the floor. Brock - preparing their meal because that's all he's good for! - says Ash is going over the battle in his head, and we get to see the end result of Ash trying to think.... it burns it burns!

He's still concentrating on Hypnosis as the major problem they faced, and decides that they're going to train night and day to work out a way around it, and Dawn says she'll be similarly training to get that next ribbon. And, it being night right then, they presumably all finish cheering and then sit down and eat a big meal and then go to sleep.

That's not how you win matches, kids, you win matches through sheer hard work, perseverance, and... in Fantina's case..... a metric fuckton of steroids!

BEST QUOTES

"Woah, she's holding a Pokéball!" "I WANT TO DO THAT! WHATEVER THAT IS!"

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