ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
551: Camping It Up!	556: Pokémon Samasukuru Kaiko!	PokéMeatballs I			The twerps go to summer camp! Hijinks and sexual tension abound!	They love camp (no surprises!)	Puberty-age boys and girls? Have 'em sleep in the same room!

Today finds the twerps running through the forest, Piplup and Pikachu charging along at their feet as they struggle to get to... wherever they're going. Wherever it is, they're going to be late, Dawn blaming Ash for sleeping in and Ash blaming Dawn for taking too long to deal with her bedhead.

Brock, meanwhile, can't even manage THIS level of interaction with a female.

They speed past high walls surrounding a large building, skidding to a halt and panting roughly, delighted that they made it.... but they're STILL LATE! Turning, they see their accuser, tall and stern and bearded and entirely unreasonable. It's Professor Rowan, the stern Professor!

He gruffly welcomes them to the Rowan Research Institute, telling them it is, for all intents and purposes, their school! Yes, the stern Professor has had enough of these goddamn kids and their travelling without adult supervision through rough countryside and decided it's time for them to attend Summer Academy!

Oh my God, Summer School!?! This is going to be Ash meets Animal House! Brock meets American Pie! Dawn meets Lolita! It's time for summertime hijinks, panty raids, keggers and boat races against those uptight upperclass Fraternity boys who look down their noses at the boys of Pika Delta Chu! It's time for....



(snicker)

A young man in a white coat calls to the other gathered youths to check the blackboard to see their school teams, and Ash, Brock and Dawn are all on the red team. But as Dawn slightly bends over to see, a distortion in the time-space vortex opens and out steps Max from the future! Conway creepily moves up behind the bent over girl in the tiny dress to suggestively waggle his shiny glasses at her. He's on the blue team!

And so is Jesse...linda! And she's on the Green Team! She declares she's the School's "Cutie Pie", while keeping a lower profile off to the side are James and Meowth, they've gotten jobs as "maintenance engineers", which is a nice way of saying they're janitors. They can't believe Jesse is being so high profile when all they're there for is to steal the school's Pokémon.

With the kids divided into artificial groups, Professor Rowan stands up to address them, explaining that the Summer Academy lasts a week and helps all the trainers to learn to work better in different circumstances with different Pokémon. To kick things off, they're going to have a Pokémon Battle, each of them being given one Pokéball each out of a shitty looking cardboard box, James and Meowth realising that this was the box they just helped move.

Ash rushes up to grab a Pokéball out of the box after realising it is luck of the draw. As he grabs it though, another boy grabs the Pokéball too, and both refuse to give it up, straining to pull the ball away. Ash refuses to give it up, and the other boy is pissed, angrily stating that there is nothing worse than a guy who doesn't respect "ladies' choice". Ash staggers away in shock, the dude's a lady!?! The boy's a girl!

Oh boy, mistaken gender confusion, it IS a Summer Camp Comedy Movie!

Ash, clueless as always, loudly shouts out his surprise that she is a girl, which is about the most offensive thing possible. She snaps back that her name is Angie and she challenges him to a duel. THIS type of thing is what Ash understands, and he grabs a Pokéball out of the box and agrees. Professor Rowan seems sternly pleased at their fire, as rising tension between a young boy and girl at Summer Camp can only end in good wholesome character development! But he tells them that the real battle doesn't happen till tomorrow, for today they're just going to meet the Pokémon they will spend the next week with.

Angie calls out hers, it's a Monferno, the evolved form of Chimchar, a damn good choice that Ash has missed out on.... except it seems that it's got a bit of an attitude problem. Ash calls out his Pokémon and..... it's a Raichu! Oh shit! He rushes up to it to introduce himself and Pikachu, and it appears terrified and digs down into the ground. As Ash and Angie continue their tense relationship, Dawn grabs out her Pokémon.... a Grimer!

Yes the Pokémon that evolves into a rapist meets the little girl in the short skirt! She's not overly impressed at first until she realises this is creating low self esteem for it (the best thing for a potential rapist to have is low self esteem and resentment towards women!) so she tells it that it is cute, and it lunges up onto her, accidentally swallowing Piplup into its head in the process. Brock gets a Magnemite, Conway a Venonat, and Jesse a Smoochum which she gleefully snuggles against her cheek. While Ash tries to convince Raichu to come out of the sand, Angie loses control of her Monferno which picks a fight with an eager Croconaw. Pikachu gets between them and takes the brunt of an attack from Monferno, so Thundershocks both of them. Furious, Angie calls out Shinx which tries to spark Pikachu, so Ash sends Pikachu in to fight and..... GOD IS ANGRY!



Well not quite God, but Rowan is as stern as Old Testament God, hauling Ash and Angie up by their collars and roaring that he never told them they could use their own Pokémon. Ash and Angie argue that it was the other's fault, but he roars at them again to be silent, sternly telling them that the school isn't for quarrelling, it's for making new friends.

OR ELSE!

Apparently having had enough, Rowan calls an end to the first hour and says tomorrow they'll be assigned points based on how well they've bonded with their new Pokémon. He heads inside, presumably to his drinks cabinet, while Angie and Conway explain to Ash that each day they'll be assigned points and at the end of the last week the winning team will be announced. Ash and Angie, despite being on the same team, continue to be competitive with each other, surprising Conway who was probably expecting to be the target considering he's on another team to them.

Shortly after, the kids and their Pokémon are in the classroom, Dawn offering Grimer some poffins which it delights in eating. Not to be outdone, Brock rubs his head with a folder and offers the static electricity to Magnemite for a snack, then rubs it down with a cloth to shine it up.

That boy ain't getting laid EVER!

Angie is impressed by both of them, but when she looks for Monferno she finds it trying to pick a fight with Croconaw again. Ash and Dawn check out Raichu and Grimer with their Pokédexes, Raichu submitting to the examination with misery while a delighted Grimer listens to Dawn's Pokédex talk a load of shit, saying that Grimers were created when dirty water got exposed to X-Rays from the Moon.

X-Rays. From the Moon.

Things go from bad to worse when she offers to give it an oil-rubdown (she might as well wear a sign reading,"RAPE ME!") and ends up fisting it instead.... GETCHA MINDA OUTTA DA GUTTA!

Ash gives Raichu a brush down but its enjoyment ends when he gets the brush caught in tangles and gets electrocuted. Conway teaches Venonat equations, Jesse continues cooing over her Smoochum, and Dawn and Piplup try to teach Grimer posing.... which it shows remarkable aptitude for. Angie is completely failing with Monferno though, and to avoid a blast of Ember from it she dodges aside and it hits Ash and Raichu instead. He's furious at her but she blames him for "not paying attention" and as their tension ramps up, the teacher sends them outside to run laps. They continue to blame each other as they run, until both their bellies rumble and they realise how hungry they are, but both refuse to concede and continue running on against each other, Ash perhaps struggling a little because for some reason the crotch of his pants are getting tighter for some reason he can't quite fathom.

Elsewhere, Jesselinda is enjoying a meal provided by a group of adoring young male fans (FINALLY!), and as she chows down, she's completely forgotten what she is doing at the School in the first place. James and Meowth are watching through the window, but they're not angry at her, they're delighted that she is enjoying the curry they made!

Ash and Angie struggle into the dining room, barely able to stand, and Dawn tells them that there is no food left. They both collapse in horror until Dawn laughs she was kidding and hands them both heaping bowls of rice and curry, and they dig in with amazing gusto. How can they still be so energetic? It's as if they were channelling some kind of excess energy they were unable to express in some other way!

Later the teams have a tug of war which Jesse's team wins, and still later Ash and Angie sleep through a boring class on what appears to be Basic Circuit Making, their previous hostility seemingly sated by their mutual love for stuffing their mouths with food.

Then that night everyone settles in for another big meal, before heading to bed, Dawn and Angie sharing a room with Ash and Brock because this is every kid who went to Summer Camp's secret dream. Ash and Brock lounge on their sides in shirts and boxers, Ash's packaged junk on display for Dawn in her top bunk opposite him, Piplup also apparently having a good gander, even Brock seeming to be checking out the Ash action..... and then Angie pops her head down from the top bunk to get a look as well!



You know if you tried to write a story starting like this at home, you'd be arrested.

None of them are tired and Dawn suggests a game of cards ("Dear Penthouse Magazine.....") and then Conway steps in holding a pillow, wearing an ankle length nightgown with a big white sleeping cap, and declares he'd be more than pleased to play with Dawn!

Yeah see, there's innuendo and there's just plain being creepy, Future-Max.

They yell him out of the room, tossing a pillow his way, then settle down for card around a lantern. Angie tells them she hasn't started her journey yet because she works at a Pokémon Daycare Centre which she plans to take over one day. Ash tells her that he plans to be a Pokémon Master and when she laughs that off he mutters about doing something to her mouth, while Dawn talks about being a Coordinator and Brock says he wants to be a Breeder. (snicker etc)

Just then the door bursts open and the young male teacher strides in, demanding to know what part of lights out they don't understand! They scramble in a panic for their beds, and they didn't even get a chance to ante up yet by taking off their shirts!

The next day, Ash has Raichu practising Thunderbolt on a rock, but when he tries to offer it encouragement it digs down deep into the ground. He tries to haul it out and it blasts him, but he takes that as a good thing and tells it that this was a better Thunderbolt and it needs more confidence! It uses a Focus Punch and shatters the rock, and Ash is delighted. Stalking.... I mean watching from a distance is Angie, who calls out Monferno and tells it to use Ember on her. It's confused but happy enough to murder someone by request, but she dodges all of its attacks, driving it into a monkey fury.

It unleashes HELL on her and she stands and takes it, standing smouldering afterwards and praising it for doing such a good job. It's confused but figures why not, and tries out Mach Punch on her by her request, but again she dodges to get it worked up.

She and Ash meet up again later, both looking pretty much the worse for wear after taking Thunderbolts and Embers. They tell each other they're going to show off their improvements in the battle, then end up racing each other to get there while Dawn and Brock watch from outside a classroom. They're joined by Rowan who seems sternly pleased to see this young boy and girl who didn't get along very well suddenly spending all their time together. I'm sure their parents will be delighted too!

Meanwhile, spreadlegged Jesse!



Hooray!

She's muttering the motto in her sleep, the sleeping James and Meowth joining in from their bunks... apparently despite being janitors they share the same room as what is technically supposed to be a young lady student.

The next day, the battles finally begin, with Brock and Magnemite facing off against Jesse and Smoochum, which ends up hitting her instead but she still WUVVVVVVVs it and squeezes it tightly to her bosom in delight.

That motherfucking Smoochum.

The battle ends in a no-contest because Jesse thinks it is too precious to fight, so Dawn and Grimer faces off against Conway and his Venonat. Conway gets the upperhand at first but Dawn turns his own overconfidence against him, which he just finds exciting (he's REALLY creepy!), and they continue battling on, though it's never clear who the winner is. It does end on a handshake though, although Conway probably would have preferred a congratulatory full body massage.

Others battle, but nobody cares about them, until it gets down to Ash and Angie versus each other, despite being on the same team. Raichu and Monferno face off, both displaying admirable control over their Pokémon, using all their moves in an interesting variety of ways. Ash and Angie are both impressed with each other, and the match ends as we always knew it would.... with a furious monkey on fire tearing open the cheek of a fat electric rat as it punches the monkey square in the jaw.

Tale as old as time.

Their final moves (Ember and Thunderbolt) leave them both standing as time runs out, and Ash and Angie congratulate their Pokémon before sharing a fistbump and giggling oddly at each other as everyone claps for them.

With the battles over, Professor Rowan sternly declares the awards for the day just gone. Dawn wins the award for developing the closest rapport with her Pokémon; Conway's Team Blue wins best Team with Jesselinda's Team Green just behind; and Ash's Team Red.... is dead last. They're shocked, how could that happen when Dawn did so well? Well apparently they lost points for two students constantly quarrelling plus a little unsanctioned midday nap during classtime!



The late night game of strip poker probably didn't help matters either.

Ash and Angie apologise but promise they're going to make it up, and then James and Meowth call everyone in for a meal, and they rush for the dining hall. Camp has only just begun, it's going to be a long week, but one hell of a fun one. Jesse's found her niche; Brock is... there; Dawn is grooming a potential rapist; Max from the future is trying to groom her; and Ash.... Ash is on track to get laid!



If THAT doesn't bring you back for next week's episode, nothing will!

BEST QUOTES

"You mean to tell me you're a girl?"

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