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535: Pokémon Ranger and the Kidnapped Riolu! Part Two   540: Pokémon Renja! Hado no Rioru!! Kohen   Ranger Extraneous Part 2           The twerps try to get Riolu back from Pokémon Hunter J    Hate not being noticed     J is one mean, SMART bitch!   


Last episode, Ash encountered a special Riolu with abilities beyond the norm. Learning it was a "Royal" Riolu kidnapped twice by two shadowy groups, he joined with Pokémon Ranger Kellyn to try and return it to its home, only to encounter once more the immoral Pokémon Hunter J, who has been commissioned to recapture Riolu.

Separated by Kellyn, Brock and Dawn; Ash, Pikachu, Chimchar, Buizel and Riolu find their escape cut off by J, who sets fire to the ENTIRE forest before confronting them. Ash declares his intent to fight, but J has no qualms about killing a kid and sets out to do just that!



Buizel blasts a path through the fire with Water Gun and they run for it, but oddly J doesn't bother to just stand there and watch them escape. Instead, she bizarrely decides to be proactive, and shoots Riolu in the back with her wrist cannon, suspending it in a statue-like state. She claims this is "mercy" on her part, now it won't burn to death writhing and screaming in agony.... but they won't be so lucky. Salamence blasts at Ash, Pikachu, Chimchar and Buizel with Hyperbeam, then scorches the earth with Flamethrower into the bushes they have leapt into. Ash screams and then falls silent, and J - satisfied that she has just immolated a little boy and allowed him to die screaming in agony - scoops up the frozen Riolu and departs.

Meanwhile, the young man dedicated to stopping this evil woman who puts Pokémon under her control for her own purposes without thought for their feelings or desires - Kellyn - is using his technical devices to put Pokémon under his control for his own purposes without thought for their feelings or desires. He and the twerps have directed the forest's Pokémon to a nearby lake to escape the flames, and Kellyn declares to three Blastoise that he "needs" them, using his Capture Device to force their servitude.

You could have just fucking asked, you dick, I'm sure they'd have been happy to help.


They (are forced to) use Rain Dance, which turns the sky grey and brings rain over the flames. With his desires sated, Kellyn forgets all about the Blastoise to talk about J, saying he's concerned for Ash, and they set off to find him.

Meanwhile, Team Rocket are..... alive!


They're loving life as well, as Meowth declares it was the "Team Rocket Water Boy in da sky" that saved them, a fact that Wobbuffet gleefully agrees with, leaping out of the flooded pitfall they were hiding in to salute in midair.

Elsewhere, Chimchar digs out of the ground with Ash and Pikachu close behind. They escaped death thanks to Chimchar, and Ash rewards him by letting him into the safety of his Pokéball (apparently Buizel was already returned). He spots J's ship and runs onboard thanks to the complete lack of guards or security, just as the rain ends, the clouds recede and the sun comes back out. It takes off and zooms over Kellyn, Brock and Dawn, who wonder if this means J got Riolu.

Indeed she did, it's frozen next to her as she talks to her client, the man in sunglasses from the first episode. He promises her the agreed upon compensation after she unfreezes Riolu's head so he can see it's the real deal. She ends the communication, at which point her lousy security is again shown up as Ash just storms up onto the deck shouting loudly (great plan, Ash). She refreezes Riolu and calmly calls out a Pokémon to provide her the security she lacks, and she gets it... in spades! A Drapion emerges with a roar and grabs Ash up with its pincers, and J reveals she actually knew he was onboard the entire time, and let him get this far just so she could personally punish him!

This is one mean bitch!


Pikachu leaps at Drapion and hangs on for dear life to the horn above its eye as Ash is squeezed to death. He kicks out wildly and connects with Drapion's FUCKING EYE which allows them to fall free. J actually smiles to see Ash deliver a boot directly into Drapion's eye, then the floor opens beneath Ash and Pikachu and they fall into the tube inside, the floor closing back up behind them as Ash and Pikachu fall down and down and...... OUT THE SHIP AND PLUMMET TO THEIR DEATHS!

This really IS one mean bitch!


Ash clutches Pikachu to him and says this could be it, but then from nowhere Staraptor grabs him with its claws, Kellyn flying on its back. They fly after J's Ship but suddenly it turns invisible, and it seems she has escaped.... but Kellyn declares they'll get Riolu back yet.

Reunited with the other twerps, Kellyn actually thanks Staraptor and since he doesn't release it and it flies away itself, it seems he actually DID ask this one for help instead of just enslaving it. Just then Kellyn gets a call from Solana, she and Jenny failed to capture the client, and Kellyn admits that Riolu got away. Ash is determined not to let it end like this though and screams out to Riolu to give him some kind of message. Onboard J's ship she seems to sense something to amiss, while Ash keeps screaming until - despite being in suspended animation - Riolu's aura finally flashes over him and he gets a sense of direction.

As they rush off after a young boy's adamant declaration of,"I got a feeling it's this way!", Team Rocket watch from the bushes, James wondering how they're going to get J now that their pitfalls are flooded. Jesse is determined though, they WILL have their revenge on the woman who doesn't even know they're alive AND get that Riolu!

Meanwhile....



Well that just fucking rules right there.


Yes it's just awesomely cool in a bizarre Buck Rogers Sci-Fi Weird Idea of the Future way. The twerps and Kellyn are racing towards Riolu on the backs of Dodrio, presumably thanks to Kellyn's Slave Whip Device. They're closing in on the rocky desert outcroppings where J's ship has just landed after decloaking, their client soon to arrive himself.

Dawn is surprised that Riolu was able to contact Ash through its aura despite the great distance (and while in frozen suspended animation!), and Ash gets another flash that tells him they're closer.

The client arrives and apologises for keeping J waiting, and she has a man carry Riolu over to him in its case. He grins in delight to see it, but then Kellyn and the twerps arrive, irritating J and horrifying the client.... a Pokémon Ranger!!?!

He refuses to hand Riolu over, so Ash calls out Staravia and has it use Quick Attack to knock the case out of his hands. The Dodrio charge down the side of the rock towards the case, while J sneers to her men that they have their money so who gives a fuck, and they just up and walk onto their ship leaving the others to fight.

One mean, SMART bitch!


Ash is in the lead and Mr. Sunglasses has a man call out Golem and blast at him with Hyperbeam, knocking Ash and Pikachu through the air as Dodrio gets turned into a roast dinner.

The others dismount to check on Ash (his Dodrio turns out to be fine, by the way) and Mr. Sunglasses picks up the case, then all of them are staggered by the backdraft from J's ship as it lifts off and disappears into the sky. Mr. Sunglasses tries to make a run for it but Ash has Staravia slash the tires of their truck, so his men call out their Pokémon for a rumble while Mr. Sunglasses makes one of the most ludicrous, unreasonable, unnecessary and FUCKING AWESOME exits in Pokémon history.



Yes he escapes by Fearow!


The sound of sirens grabs their attention and they spot Jenny and Solana arriving (how did they know where to find them?), telling Ash and Kellyn to get after Fearow while they deal with J (who isn't there!). Mr. Sunglasses' men try to stop them but the twerps call out their Pokémon to fight the monsters, including Pachirisu which isn't exactly the best choice against a bunch of Ground-Types.

Mr. Sunglasses meanwhile is beginning to realise how dumb his escape plan was, as he continues to dangle from Fearow's leg as it slowly, ungainly flaps along at roughly 10 feet up. Ash and Kellyn quickly catch up on the backs of their Dodrio, and Kellyn makes up some lost cool points for his stupid name and clothes by wallrunning his Dodrio, jumping onto Fearow's back midair and viciously attacking its neck!

It crashes and Mr. Sunglasses flops along the ground, but still refuses to give up Riolu, running into a nearby cave. Deeper inside he discovers a number of tunnels, so calls out Aggron to smash the rocks and block Ash and Kellyn from getting closer. Luckily the sudden instability and danger of the rockfall causes a Donphan to lumber slowly out past Kellyn, who immediately enslaves it and has it run headfirst into the dangerously unstable rockfall to clear it for them. Once through the other side though, they discover the other passages have been similarly blocked.... which one did Mr. Sunglasses take!?!

Meanwhile, the henchmen's big bad Pokémon are getting their asses kicked by little cute fluffy ones belonging to the twerps, and Croagunk leaps through the fighting to fucking THROW DOWN on a Rhydon's head. But might eventually begins to prevail, so Solana uses slavery to win the war, enslaving a Trapinch and surrounding the henchmen and their Pokémon with Rock Tomb.

Mr. Sunglasses explodes out of the cavern with Aggron, and Riolu's Aura tells Ash where they are. Donphan smashes through the rocks and they emerge to find the surprised Mr. Sunglasses, who sends in Aggron only for it to be gored in the balls by Donphan!

Goddamn.


Riolu and its case are knocked clear as Aggron smashes into Mr. Sunglasses, and Ash picks it up and unsuspends Riolu, which hugs Ash in delight. Mr. Sunglasses isn't done though, ordering a Hyperbeam, so Riolu leaps into the air and smashes it with Aura Sphere, and Pikachu Volt Tackles Aggron, knocking it back again and on top of Mr. Sunglasses, trapping him there.

Meanwhile the henchmen have been tied up and everyone is congratulating each other as Croagunk sits looking grumpy, even after Brock thanks it for its help in BREAKING A FUCKING RHYDON'S SKULL!

For J though, it's back to business as usual as she receives a new commission and has her men set a new course. As they travel through the air though, who should appear before them but.... TEAM ROCKET!?!

"Team Rocket to block! When it comes to winning the high stakes games, it's all in the moves!"
"We've got them as this proves!"
"On the wind!"
"Past the stars!"
"What a groove!"
"Bringing chaos at a breakneck pace!"
"Dashing hope, putting fear in its place."
"A loser by any other name's just as lost."
"You're going to be sorry that our paths have crossed."
"Jesse!"
"James!"
"Meowth's da name!" adds Meowth, as J's ship keeps drawing closer, J and her men probably not even noticing their theatrics as they activate their cloak and disappear, causing Meowth to cry out,"Hey we're not troo yet, where'd ya go!?!" as the ship rams headfirst right into the Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon!



And one quick lovingly rendered outline of Jesse's buttocks later, Team Rocket are blasting off again!


As the sun sets, Officer Jenny drives the captured henchmen and Mr. Sunglasses away. Riolu's Breeder (snicker) is holding it in his arms as he thanks them for bringing them Riolu back. Brock mentions casually that the other group of people that kidnapped it originally have been arrested too (oh really is that so, when did that happen?), and then Ash hands Riolu the little wood carving left behind in the forest. It gleefully takes it, and then Ash gets a flash of Aura over him that tells him thank you from Riolu.

With that, justice prevails, Riolu is reunited, the kingdom is safe, the twerps continue on their journey, the bad guys are captured, and Team Rocket are blasted off again. Everything is as it should be, and the natural order is restored.... with one exception. Unlike every other cartoonish supervillain, Hunter J has once again succeeded in hunting a Pokémon, capturing it, delivering it to her client, receiving her money and then getting away scott-free. What happens to the Pokémon she captures after delivery isn't her concern, including if they're freed. She gets her money either way, and she'll keep on doing this.

Because so far, ain't no one been able to stop her.... and maybe they never will.
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