ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
516: Tears for Fears!	521: Hikozaru no Namida!	Butt Fascination!			Chimchar gets used to being on Ash's team.	Like its trainer, Seviper never knows when it is outclassed either!	Butts are just fascinating!

Welcome to the new season of Pokémon, 11 years after the show was dismissed as a fad, here it is, still going strong.

At the end of the last season, we saw Ash and new rival Paul forced to team up in the Hearthome City Tag Battle Tournament. Despite Ash's best efforts to get Paul to work with him, Paul ignored everything but his own self-interest and yet somehow, someway, the two managed to win the Contest. Having dumped his Chimchar for failing to recapture the death-throes strength he had seen in their first encounter, Paul was ready to move on, only for Ash to ask Chimchar to join him and the poor little abused monkey to accept.

Following their victory, Paul gave his prize - the Sooth Bell - to Ash and told him he had no need for it, as his only interest in the tournament had been to raise the strength and ability of his individual Pokémon. He left, and after creepy Max from the future (Conway) told Ash he should try out Veilstone City next and Ash realised this was where Paul himself comes from, the Pokémon Journey was back on, continuing strong into its second decade.

On the road, far from home, but you don't have to feel alone (the twerps staring out over a pretty field and forest), brave and strong, together we will be (the twerps riding JETSKIS!).

It's our destiny! We will be heroes! We can change the world if we try! (the twerps cheering as their Pokémon beat the everloving fuck out of a bunch of others) I go where you go, forever friends, you and I (they showed Team Rocket on "friends"!).

We can be heroes! Battle Dimension Pokémon!

Well goddamn, Gentle Dodgers, we're in the Diamond and Pearl Battle Dimension!



Brock prepares a stew in the forest while an oddly distressed looking Ash watches on and the Pokémon sniff happily. Ash moans that he wants lunch NOOOOOOW and Brock snaps angrily that it would be a lot faster if he actually did something to help. Dawn agrees, so Ash does what he can to help, call out his Pokémon to do work for him! Hooray for slave labour!

Chimchar is confused, all of Ash, Dawn and Brock's Pokémon are in an assembly line helping lay out the picnic blanket and set out the bowls and dishes. It flashes back to its time with Paul, when he'd get an open can of what looks like dogfood and Paul would snap at it to hurry up and eat, they're behind schedule. Food is placed before it and it looks around in confusion, then flinches as Ash pats it on the head. It looks up at Ash as he eats and waffles on about how good the food is. Chimchar takes a bite and discovers the food is actually quite nice, and it chows down happily as we're given a reminder of just how much of a monkey Ash is.



Meanwhile, Team Rocket are also chowing down on a surprisingly tasty meal, Jesse declaring that the food tastes so good because of all the prep work they put into it. Meowth is startled, she didn't actually do anything! She laughs at him not to bother her with details, and then Seviper sits up straight and hisses, sensing an ancient, natural enemy.

Zangoose!



Plural!

Yes, like the Mongoose and the Snake, Seviper and Zangoose have a natural, instinctual hatred of each other. The three Zangoose leap at Seviper which twists and coils as it bites at the clawing, hissing Pokémon. Jesse, James, Meowth, Wobbuffet, Dustox, Cacnea and Carnivine leap behind the bushes in shock to watch them fighting. It's a brutal fight and Jesse knows that Seviper is thoroughly outmatched by three Pokémon, but her attempts to recall it to her Pokéball fail as it constantly leaps back out to return to the fight, it's hatred of Zangoose meaning it refuses to concede. The Zangooses.... (Zangooseses? Zangi? Zangief?) smash Seviper with a coordinated attack and send it crashing into Team Rocket, sending them blasting off again.... but Meowth blasts off in a different direction and an angry Jesse has to snap at him to make his own little glint in the sky.

Meanwhile the twerps' Pokémon are sparring, watched by Chimchar. Ash and Dawn are fighting with Pikachu and Buizel, Pikachu getting the upper hand much to Buizel's disgust, especially when Brock calls the match off.

WELL LET ME TELL YA SOMETHING BROTHER! THE BUIZELSTER WAS JUST ABOUT TO COME BACK AND WIN IT THAT REFEREE MUST BE EARL HEBNER'S EVIL BROTHER, BROTHER!

Ash congratulates Pikachu, then tells Buizel that it did great too. Chimchar is confused, remembering a time that it defeated Paul's Elekid and celebrated, only to be told it was pathetic and that the victory was nothing to be proud of.

Ash asks Chimchar if it wants to battle and an INCREDIBLY proud Piplup wants to be the one to spar with it. They face off, and Chimchar uses Dig to hide from Bubblebeam. Piplup looks about for Chimchar but surprisingly it comes up from BENEATH Piplup (wow, who'd a thunk it) and tries to hit a Scratch, and Piplup comes back with Peck. The other Pokémon stop to watch as the two Pokémon claw and peck frantically at each other.... and Meowth comes wondering through the forest trying to find the rest of Team Rocket and discovers the fight.

Chimchar uses Dig again and again Piplup fails to realise this means to look BENEATH itself. It's flung into the air and counters Flamethrower with Bubblebeam, pushing back the flames and sending Chimchar crashing facefirst through the earth. Piplup leaps into Dawn's arms in celebration as Brock calls the match over, while a terrified Chimchar remembers getting knocked down at the Tag Contest and being released by Paul. Ash picks it up and asks it what is wrong, telling it that it did a great job against an opponent with an advantage over it. They all tell it that it did great, with move variations and a tough flamethrower, and the other Pokémon start cheering.... and Chimchar starts crying! Ash is confused, why is it sad? But then it hugs Ash, catching him by surprise. Brock explains that in the past Chimchar wasn't allowed to show any emotion at all, and sometimes it's good to just let it all out.

That's what he told Officer Jenny after that unfortunate public baths incident.

Meowth watches from the bushes with tears in his own eyes, saying that even a twerp deserves to be allowed to have feelings. He walks away while a now blushing Chimchar is getting control of itself as it hugs tight to Ash who tells it that it is okay and... rubs it's butt. Oh my!

That night, everyone is sleeping, the twerps in sleeping bags and the Pokémon on the pink blanket they set out earlier for lunch. Chimchar dreams, remembering Paul's training, including being forced to stand under an avalanche of rocks from a Graveler. Paul yelled at Chimchar not to dodge the rocks, telling it that it needed to learn to use moves under pressure, including "Blaze", a technique that comes out as essentially a final resort. He reminds it used such intense power the time it faced the pack of Zangoose, but in its dream it mixes things up, seeing the Zangoose again, coming at it, clawing, and Chimchar wakes up with a start.

Meanwhile, Meowth walks through the forest trying to find Jesse and James, wondering if they in turn are looking for him. He mutters that it's just like a policeman, you can never find one when you need one. He stares up at the moon, then hears a rustling and turns to see Chimchar, which spots him and tenses to fight. But Meowth just leans against the stump and grins, telling it there is no need to fight on such a pretty moonlit night, and tells it to "swing it over and park it".

What is the fascination with Chimchar's butt!?!

They sit together staring at the moon, and Meowth asks if bad dreams made it difficult to sleep. He tells Chimchar that it's lucky, he sometimes dreams of capturing Pikachu and being financially secure to live in luxury for the rest of his nine lives... but there's no point in worrying about such things, just take things one day at a time and enjoy life. It has buddies that would give the shirt off of their backs for Chimchar, so it has things pretty sweet.

We'd have things pretty sweet if Jesse would take the shirt off of her back too!

The next day, Chimchar watches the Pokémon helping prepare for breakfast, trying to figure out how to get involved, and then Ash solves the problem by asking it to help him get some water. As they rush off with three large water canisters that we can only assume are kept in Brock's +5 Bag of Holding, the fascination moves from Chimchar's butt to Meowth's!

Yes Team Rocket have found him and are hauling him up into their Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon as he wipes a tear of gratitude from his eye, telling them that they may be a Dopey Duo, but they're HIS dopey duo.

They float over the twerps and Meowth hits a switch that opens two large plastic tubes from beneath the Balloon, firing two nets that catch up the Pokémon and trap them inside the tubes.

"Not you guys again!" shouts Dawn.

"Listen, is that the voice of disbelief I hear?" asks Jesse.
"Believe what you like while your friends disappear!" adds James.
"On the wind!"
"Past the stars!"
"IN YER EAR!"
"Bringing chaos at a breakneck pace!"
"Dashing hope, putting fear in its place!"
"A rose by any other name's just as sweet!"
"When everything's worse, our work is complete!"
"It's Jesse!"
"And James!"
"Meowth's da name!"
"Putting the do-gooders in their place."
"We're Team Rocket..."
"IN YOUR FACE!"
"WOH-BUHH-FETT!"
"Mime Mime!"

And now we see, from Meowth's face, that the fascination is now with Jesse's butt. As it well should be.

Brock demands their Pokémon back and Jesse blows him.... a raspberry! They try to call their Pokémon back but the tubes hold the beams back, and the Pokémon’s moves can't break through. It seems Team Rocket have won... until Seviper appears out of its Pokéball and they guess what is coming next, as three shapes blur up through the trees.

"Sometimes," sighs Meowth,"Instincts stink."

Team Rocket crash followed by their Balloon, the tubes the only things undamaged. The Zangoose go after Seviper who is being held back by a furious Team Rocket, and they leap into the tube along with Pikachu, Buneary, Piplup and Turtwig. Seviper slams its head against the interior of the tube trying to get at the Zangoose, which headbutt back to get at Seviper, which has the effect of pushing the tube towards the edge of the cliff. Ash and Chimchar walk in on this scene having returned with their water, and Chimchar instantly freaks, remembering its own encounter with three Zangoose. Considering they're on their way to Veilstone, could it be that it is the SAME three Zangoose?

Ash tells Chimchar to go in, but then spots how freaked out it is and remembered what Paul told him about their first encounter. He tells Chimchar he knows it must be scary, but he KNOWS it can overcome this, and it looks up and sees the Pokémon in the other tube cheering it on.... all except for Croagunk that is, which just... stares.

Chimchar remembers the other Pokémon cheering for him in the battle the day before, and all the nice things Ash said.... _{and rubbing his butt}.... and Meowth's words, and it decides it can help. Ash grins and tells it not to worry about Blaze, they didn’t need it to win the Tag Battle and they won't need it now. He sends it in with Flamethrower and it blasts at the Zangoose, which turn and come at it in a dedicated trio. Chimchar dodges and uses Scratch, but then another Zangoose comes up behind it and Ash leaps in the way, taking the scratch for him. He has Chimchar use Dig to avoid the Zangoose, then comes out and smacks one of them out before using Dig again to get behind the other two and blast them unconscious with Flamethrower.

Wow, those are some piss-weak Zangoose.

But as they celebrate Dawn remembers Team Rocket and they turn to see them out of the tube and trying to crawl away. Ash yells at them to stop, then asks Chimchar if it's up for kicking some more ass, and a worried Jesse asks Meowth if it was counting on Chimchar power while elbowing him repeatedly in the face for no reason at all.

That's just the way she talks!

Turtwig, Buneary, Chimchar, Piplup and Pikachu blast them with concentrated bursts of Bubble Beam, Ice Beam, Razor Leaf, Flamethrower and Thunderbolt and send them blasting off... again!

11 years and running!

Everyone celebrates and cheers in delight, Chimchar's tears of sadness replaced with cries of joy, and everyone is happy and smiling and cheering... except for Croagunk.



Croagunk just STARES.

BEST QUOTES

"This is just scrumchy!" "Well, after all of our prep-work, it should be!" "What do you mean OUR? You didn't lift a glove!" "Don't bother me with details!"

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