ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
683: Cottonee in Love!	688: Koisuru Monmen wa Kaze ni Notte!	Cottonfield Orgy			The twerps help a Cottonee get its fuck on	Prepared for everything but a load in the face	Chicks dig dudes who beat up people to impress them

Today's episode begins with Axew and Scraggy getting in some training against each other in an effort to strengthen up their weak asses. Of course it's all a little unbalanced since Axew learnt to do Dragon Rage properly, and it puts Scraggy down hard with the move. A sudden wind blows over the twerps as the battle ends, and an odd woolly ball with leaf-like arms/wings comes floating down out of the sky and ends up just above Scraggy. Why Scraggy? Is it a....



Cilan identifies it as a Cottonee and Ash looks it up with his Pokédex, learning it is blown around by the wind to travel. Scraggy tries its usual Leer introduction and Cottonee - alarmed - puffs out some small "pollen" wool clumps that Scraggy swings around at, distracted. Cilan says it is unusual to see a Cottonee by itself at this time of year; this is usually when they gather in large numbers in order to pair off. Iris is delighted, it's like a big "Singles Get Together!", and Cilan says he guesses you could say that, and once they've paired off they travel off together on the wind to spend their lives together. Iris sighs happily and takes a big bite out of a green apple, saying it's soooo romantic. Cilan beams and notes it sounds less romantic with your mouth full (depends on your fetish I guess!), while an utterly bewildered Ash continues to stare at the Cottonee before gasping in delight, he's got it!

"Of course!" he gasps,"So the couples are like really good buddies! Right?"

Oh Ash.

Iris grins, that is sooooo like him, calling him a little kid, only in this case she is absolutely right! Cilan tells them that Rainbow Valley is close to where they are now, it's a famous spot for rainbows and "diamond breezes", where Cottonee pair up before blowing away on the Diamond Breeze. Obviously this Cottonee is on its way there now, and then Scraggy frantically gets their attention, pointing desperately at another Cottonee which has floated down beside it. The first Cottonee blushes furiously and Cilan and Iris gasp with delight, clearly it's in love, and dramatically Iris drops to one knee and proclaims,"IT'S HEART TO HEART TIME!" while Iris giggles with girlish delight, hearts popping up around them.

Ash, meanwhile, stands staring cluelessly.

Cilan and Iris offer advice (Iris through a mouthful of apple), and Ash tries to get involved too, eagerly telling Cottonee to go and tell the other one that it wants to be buddies! Iris mocks him again for his utter obliviousness and Ash still doesn't understand, while the other two continue to offer their encouragement.

Unfortunately Cottonee gets the brush off as a dismissive wave of Stun Spore paralyses it, and then it gets blasted with Razor Leaf and then a direct blast of Energy Ball..... awwww, and it wanted to be the one jamming balls in the girl's face! It attempts a Counter-Attack of Razor Leaf and Energy Ball to show the girl who is Boss and utterly humiliates itself with bad aim and a weak-ass Energy Ball that fizzles down to the ground and doesn't even have the good grace to kick up a large impact explosion, just fizzling up in a little puff of smoke.

Cilan and Iris had suggested that the female Cottonee was attacking the first one in order to test its worth as a lover - which is a goddamn horrible message to be giving to viewers - but whether it was this or just angry reaction of unwanted sexual advances, the message was clear - "their" Cottonee ain't getting none! Cottonee bursts into tears, and a short time later Iris - once again eating an apple - continue to offer advice while Cilan puts a bandaid on its head to help us distinguish it from other Pokémon. Cilan admits that Iris is right though, it needs to not be such a wimpy battler, and they offer to train it till it can impress really shallow women! Scraggy tugs on Ash's pants leg, it wants to help too, and Cilan says that Scraggy would be a great training partner for Cottonee.

Was that... was that an insult?

Soon Cottonee is facing off with Scraggy, Ash sending his Pokémon in with Leer to utterly terrify Cottonee which runs away and hides behind a tree stump. Ash tells it that it can't run away and sends Scraggy in with Headbutt, and straight into a wall of Cotton thanks to Cottonee's Cotton-Guard defence. Ash is pleased with that move and heads over to offer some advice on battling to Cottonee, about maintaining eye contact, holding in place and only dodging at the last moment. he has Scraggy charge Cottonee and tells it to hold in place, hold, hoooold, hooooooold... and NOW dodge! So Cottonee... continues to hold in place!



Ash comes over and tells it that it did well to keep looking, but it has to dodge. He grabs hold of Cottonee and has Scraggy do a short charge, moving it out of the way in time. Then he steps aside and has them try again, and this time Scraggy dodges. They practise their timing for a brief amount of time, Scraggy learning to dodge in various directions, and Axew tells Iris that it wants to battle as well.

Meanwhile Team Rocket have spotted a small number of Cottonee floating along, but have no intention of capturing so small a number. Located up in one of the mountains, they know that Cottonee gather in larger numbers (they've done more research into the Unova Region than Ash has!) and they mean to locate them and capture them ALL at once.

Back at the training, Cottonee is dodging Axew's attacks, and Ash tells it to try an Energy Ball. Unfortunately it fizzles out again and Cottonee is left embarrassed, but Ash offers good advice and Iris tells Cottonee about how Axew had so much trouble with Dragon Rage and tells it to explain. It mutters its name a few times to an interested Cottonee, then uses Dragon Rage on a large rock in the middle of the dirt clearing where they've been training. It toddles over to the rock and puts a smaller one on top of it, and Cottonee tries an Energy Ball... but it still fizzles out. Ash hunkers down and holds Cottonee in place, helping it to aim and giving it encouragement before it lets rip with an Energy Ball and hits the rock! Ash is so pleased that he strokes the top of Cottonee's head like a good puppy, and it beams a ^_^ face in gratitude.

Cilan decides to get into the action too and calls in Dwebble, and Cottonee both dodges attacks and blocks them before going on the offensive. It's doing well enough that Cilan calls in Pansage, and Cottonee is immediately on the offensive, forcing Pansage to retreat and hitting it with an Energy Ball as it dodges Razor Leaf. It's doing great, Cilan is impressed and tells Cottonee that if it keeps battling like that it will be just fine. Iris takes a huge bite out of what looks like a pear, telling Cottonee that it "is in" which... well, that can be taken a lot of ways! I think they're trying to pimp out this Cottonee! And I don't mean they're going to put an X-Box into the trunk!

Cilan can't believe her appetite hasn't been quieted down by all her talk of love, and she insists that when she thinks about love and romance, she eats! A psychologist would have a field day with that, but neither Ash nor Cilan fit that bill so they let it pass. Cilan tells Ash that Cottonee won't have missed the pairing off yet, it happens on a Full Moon so they've probably got till tonight to get to Rainbow Valley. Ash tries to call back Scraggy but it waves it arms about in alarm, it wants to go along and see the Cotton Orgy too!

But how to find it? They know it's nearby but not exactly where, and Ash's Tranquil doesn't see a sign of them after going about looking for them. Cilan notes that Cottonee don't fly alone (they hover just fine apparently) so if they follow the path of the winds then they should be able to find the Valley... IT'S WIND TESTING TIME! Iris licks her finger and figures out the wind is heading from the South, and Cilan calculates the direction on his little electronic Poke-thing that everybody knows the name off, and they head off towards some nearby mountains. Actually IN those nearby mountains are Team Rocket, and Jesse's Woobat is returning to let her know it couldn't find any Cottonee. James and Meowth have some little helicopter bots though, and send them up into the air to return data to them to calculate the winds.

Iris and Cilan are doing the same with slightly less technology, Iris figuring out the direction of the winds and where they intersect with each other before Cilan calculates the direction that the Cottonee would be drifted along. They head on, while Team Rocket take in the far more scientifically accurate readings from their weather-bots and watch on a real-time weather map where the various flows of wind should lead the Cottonee.

With the sun set and night coming on, the twerps arrive at a large grassy clearing in the forest and find Cottonee floating along just above the surface of the grass, pairing off as they find a partner they like the looks of. They look around and spot the girl Cottonee from earlier (recognising the distinctive swirl of her forelock), and Cilan tells their Cottonee to keep cool and.... Iris interrupts to tell it to give everything it’s got, before all her attempts to suppress her raging para-sexual tension down with food fails and she literally catches on fire, screaming at Cottonee SHOW OFF THE FIRE IN YOUR HEART! Having burned off some of the extra tension, she takes another big bite of apple to help keep her inner thighs from a-trembling, and Cottonee gets sent in to "battle".

Ash is still completely clueless as to what is going on.

But as it approaches and re-introduces itself, a sudden suction hauls it and all the other Cottonee in to a giant vacuum bag which seals shut around them. The twerps are horrified, looking down to see a very sultry looking Team Rocket smirking at them. Ash demands to know what is going, and they're only too happy to explain... in the form of a motto!

"You would ask, clueless indeed!" grins Jesse, working her hips as she walks across the screen.
"We'll answer your question, as we feel the need!"
"Bringing the blinding white light of evil into the future!"
"Thrusting the hammer of justice onto the black darkness of the universe!"
"And carving our names in da rock of etoinity!"
"The fiery destroyer, I am Jesse!"
"And! With thunderous emotion, I am James."
"Wisest of da wise, I'm Meowth!"
"And now gather! Under the name of Team Rocket!" they all finish together.

The twerps demand they free Cottonee, and Meowth "blows them off" by turning the suction machine around and reversing the blow so it is blowing the twerps backwards. Team Rocket drive away with the big bag of Cottonee while Pikachu blasts the fan into smithereens, and Ash sends Tranquil after Team Rocket and attacks the bag with Air Cutter. Unfortunately Team Rocket were prepared for this, and they laugh off the attack.... until suddenly the bag begins to swell and swell and swell before bursting, and Team Rocket end up with their faces full of white stuff!



I always kind of figured they had experience with that type of thing!

Out of control, their bike crashes into a rock, but they're jetting off instead of blasting off, their jetpacks equipped as they make a successful escape, irritated that they came so close to pulling off their heist.

The Cottonee float back down to the grass and the twerps spot the female Cottonee again and send their Cottonee back in to get it some.... but two other male Cottonee have the same idea and apparently intend on trying to work out some kind of threesome deal with the girl.... but they're not interested in a THIRD dude... that'd be soooo gay! They knock Cottonee clear and attack it with Dual Razor Leafs, but it blocks with Cotton Guard, dodges their Energy Balls and blasts both with its own Razor Leaf before taking out both with ONE shot of Energy Ball. The twerps cheer it on in delight, Iris waving her hips about a little too enthusiastically.... while female Cottonee stares with wobbly eyes of love at Cottonee which turns a debonair look back at the female, seen through her eyes with sparkly male-model good looks... which is utterly hilarious for what is essentially a fluffy Meta-Knight. Still, after that display, it's not only going to get to pair off, it's totally getting anal!

A bizarre 1970s neon love heart appears behind them as Cilan goes crazy, his love for Shipping going into overdrive as he watches them pair up. Iris, satisfied at last, takes a big bite out of yet more fruit, mocking Ash once again when he speaks up to say that he is happy that Cottonee finally found a "best buddy". Cilan is diplomatic when a confused Ash asks what that means, telling her who can tell what she means when her mouth is full. Double-entendre aside, the Cottonee are all paired off now, and together they float off towards Rainbow Valley, followed by the twerps who want to say goodbye (or get in a good eyeful of that Cottonfield Orgy they were promised!

But wait... what about the two single males who got knocked out? Are they going to have to go gay? It seems the twerps Cottonee isn't going to be the ONLY one to get anal tonight!

The twerps follow the Cottonee up into the valley, arriving as the sun rises and casts light onto the cliff-face and the dual waterfalls. A rainbow forms in the mist of the water, and the air sparkles thanks to all the minerals in the air. The breeze rolls in, picking up the sparkling minerals (which are probably doing untold damage to the twerps lungs), and the Cottonee catch the "Diamond Breeze". The twerps (including Scraggy which Ash called out to watch) chase after them as the Cottonee pairs are blown away on the Diamond Breeze under the arch of the rainbow, waving their goodbyes as everybody gets what they wanted - Cilan got to ship, Ash got to see "buddies" get together, Iris got her romance.... and the Cottonee are getting laid!

BEST QUOTES

"It's a little less romantic with your mouth full."

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